Ask Better Questions As A Leader

Momentum From The Leadership Lab

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What is going on, my people? Guys, we have a really powerful episode today. I promise, I promise. And I got my tooth fixed so I can actually talk today. I feel fine. I feel amazing.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

There wasn't any difference.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Really? Kurt did a great job of being able to edit it. And then yesterday, we had our first call for the self-leadership lab. Yeah. And it was off the hook. I think I told some of the people there that I was not what It was off the hook. It was off the hook.

SPEAKER_02 0:25

You're dating yourself.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

It is okay. It's okay. I'll let people understand what I'm saying. I was telling everybody beforehand, like uh I was not feeling well. I like had to take a nap beforehand. I thought I was coming down with something. My stomach was a mess. But the call was amazing. And I don't mean it's amazing because of something that I did. It was amazing because we had people in the room who were all going through a difficult situation, all going through hard, who raised their hand and said, I'm ready to do something different. That makes me super proud of a room like that, right? Nobody joined the self-leadership lab going, hey, everything's fine in my life right now and everything's going great, right? Everybody was like, hey, I'm going through this challenge in business, personal life, health, all of these different things. And they're like, I'm ready to change. I remember when that happened to me, is when I was like, I am ready to change. For me, it was back when uh I felt like I let the family down, or I felt like I let Andrew and you down. That was the I'm going to figure something out. I'm going to get uncomfortable. I have no idea what it is, but I'm going to start doing it. And that's when I started investing in not only my health, but personal growth, personal development, coaches, masterminds, all that kind of stuff. And that was the pivotal moment. And I feel like I felt that yesterday. And everybody, like, I could see them smiling, I could see them beaming. And afterwards, we got some messages from people going, that was the energy that I needed to be able to take that back into my crazy life. Um, but I just want to say how proud I am of them. I know a lot of them listen here to the podcast, and that's what leadership is about, not just the easy times, but the hard times too.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

I think it was really it was really fun because we we didn't really know what to expect because of the time.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Because we usually don't have calls in the evening. Yeah. Right. In the evening for the the East Coasters. So I was just wondering if, you know, people were going to show up and everything. But everybody was there and it was like, it was really awesome. I really liked it.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Yeah. Yeah. I I don't want to get too far off track, but just so everybody knows, like I get made fun of a lot because I go to bed really early. Like usually between 6 and 6:30 is when I go to bed. Pacific time. People are like, what? And it's because I cannot sleep past 3 a.m. Like I've tried everything possible, imaginable. But since I got on the police schedule and have like totally messed up my my entire sleep schedule, my circadian rhythm, I've tried everything for like months and months and months and months to turn it around. Like doctors have tried like a lot of different things and it's never worked. So I just lean into it. I go to bed at six o'clock, which means we have a call at 4 p.m. At 5 p.m., I'm like wide awake because you know calls give me energy, kind of like this podcast. And I'm like, I'm not gonna be going to sleep anytime soon. But it doesn't matter because at three o'clock, it's like I'm up. And it doesn't matter if I have an alarm or not. By the way, like 2:15 today because of the time change. 2.15, I couldn't get back to bed. I'm like, I'm just gonna get up. I'm just gonna do this, right? So um, if you ever hear me complain about my bedtime or that I'm too tired, you know why. Because at 3 a.m., I'm like, I'm crushing it. By the way, I'm I am on point in the morning time. Not so much.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

Yeah, you're a morning person. I mean, not so much.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

Definitely am.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

Yeah. All right. So I have

Coaching Without Needing The Answer

SPEAKER_02 3:28

to force myself.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

So we talked a little bit about, like at the beginning, uh, a little bit about being uncomfortable and stepping into it anyway. And that's what we're gonna do today. So here's the thing like when it comes to like spotting blind spots and having people bring you things that they want some help with, situations like that. A lot of times we can be a little fearful in terms of like what happens if somebody were to bring me this or to bring me that or to ask me this. And so I want to, first off, I want to take some of that pressure off because you do not need to have all of the answers. You just need to have some really good questions, right? But there are going to be some scenarios that come your way that maybe you've never thought of before. And I I kind of want to walk you through a uh process of like how we help people when it comes to not only in leadership, not only in coaching, not only with the kids, not only with like all like just anybody who brings us something, but I want to kind of like go through the thought process that I go through when somebody brings me things. And so for this specifically, we have I think there's a list of like six different scenarios that Teresa is going to share with me that I have no idea what they are, but scenarios where somebody could bring us something. And I want to walk you through like what it would look like if you were in a coaching session with me and you brought me something like this. But I also want you to think through what you would do in that scenario too. Because as a leader, people will typically come to us wanting to get an answer, wanting to get help, right? And so if we have a way of being able to help them and support them, especially like if we've thought of these beforehand, it helps us to be more empowered when people bring us questions. We're in a spot to be able to help them out even more, right? So that's what I want to do today. You ready to do that with me?

SPEAKER_01 5:06

Yeah, yeah. Did we introduce ourselves?

SPEAKER_00 5:08

I don't know. Who are you?

SPEAKER_01 5:09

I'm Teresa.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

So we are modern leadership coaching. I'm Mark, and this is Teresa. Before we actually dive into the scenarios, a few follow-up questions in the beginning, just to give people a little bit of idea of how I work through this.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

So Yeah, I think I think these questions are really important. So, what are you actually listening to or actually listening for when somebody brings you something?

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Yeah. So when somebody brings me something, uh typically what I have found is in the past, I would just get surface level. Like if they ask me a very specific question about how do you do this, I know there's a reason why they're asking that question. And usually the question is under the service, right? There's something else that they actually don't want to ask me or that they don't even know to ask me, but they're giving me this surface level question. And so for me, I'm like, huh. Wonder why they would ask that question. And I just get curious. I don't start by giving them answers because I have no idea about what they're actually bringing me this for, right? It could be because of this scenario, but it could be some belief that they have. It's causing them to be stuck. It could be somebody told them something. You know, it it there's so many numbers of things. And so for me, when somebody brings me something, I'm like, oh, there's a reason why they're bringing this to me and it's under the surface and I don't know what it is yet. Let me ask a few more questions to get very clear on like what they want out of this scenario. Why are they even asking me that question? So that's what comes up for me.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Okay. And I know I know, like, obviously, you have a lot of experience with this. Like you've coached many, many people over the years. And is there something that maybe people might miss when they're having a conversation with someone when they initially like, you know, ask them, you know, what it is that they want to work through? Like, do you think there's something that like coaches miss?

SPEAKER_00 6:47

Yeah. They miss it all the time. And I want to share like an example of this first before I share like why. Okay. So we have the High Impact Mastery Academy and we teach people how to coach and lead people that are going through situations, right? And every time that we take somebody through this for the first time, the person comes and they bring a challenge, right? We we ask a coach to bring a challenge so that they can get coached by me to see what it's like. They come in and they have a question that they ask me, or they have a challenge that they're going through. When we get all the way to the end of the coaching session, they're like, oh my God, that was transformational. And then I stop and I say, Everybody, do you remember what this person brought me? And they always like say, It was nothing in terms of what they ended with. And I always come back to that and point to that, saying, if you had just listened and believed your client that's what they needed, you would have missed out on all of that beautiful coaching session that we need to have to actually figure out what's actually going on. So when I get to show people that and I get to to do that over and over and over again, and every round of HIMA has had that, where it's like, oh my God, this person was talking about time management. And they ended up on this is the thing that is actually keeping them from doing this stuff, right? It just it opens their eyes, but it also really opens the coach's eyes. So when you see this happen, you no longer make assumptions within the first 30 seconds that would have totally thrown off the actual coaching session. You don't go into, oh, so this must be their problem. Let me give them the three or four steps, or let me give them the the actions to take, or let me even give them the perspective to think, because you don't actually have it yet. And so what I think people miss is they miss the fact that they need to ask a few more questions and they need to get to actually what's going on under the surface because it's not surface level. It's usually deeper than that. And that's what they miss is they prescribe before they actually know what's at what's at the root.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Yeah. Yeah. And I think sometimes it might be because, you know, they feel like they do need to have something or like a, you know, a tip or some type of advice initially, and they think, well, whatever they brought me, I need to answer that. Like I need to have the answers to that. And that's not the case. It's like it's about listening, it's about asking questions, it's about really kind of digging into is this really what's going on, or is it something else that we can explore a little bit and like you said, you know, get to something completely different that's actually going to help them rather than us giving them tips on the initial thought that they had.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Yeah. Yep. I want to give two tips for that. First off, the adaptive challenge and then the technical one. So when it comes to this, like the adaptive challenge that we can have, if we're a coach or a leader who's helping people in this respect, is we think we have to give them the answer because that makes us more valuable, right? But in reality, when you get into that conversation, if you've seen this happen time and time and time and time again, if the person doesn't know what to bring you, they're only bringing you to the surface level thing, otherwise they'd be able to figure it out on their own. But when you have that perspective of like, hey, I don't have all the information yet. I need to get more information so that I can effectively diagnose and figure out what's going on in this situation, right? Now you're telling yourself that story of like, oh, I wouldn't want to jump to a conclusion because I'm gonna be solving the wrong problem. I need to get more curious and actually figure out what's going on under the surface. That's gonna help you when it comes to like you not jumping in and you know, giving people direction from the beginning. The tactical part of that is if you want to communicate that to your client, you can say, I definitely hear you. Let me get some more details because when I ask for further questions, I can get really clear on what's actually going on underneath the service. I have some ideas and they're gonna be amazing, but I need to figure out what's actually going on inside of you first. Think about that, by the way. If you're a client and your coach tells you that, how much more confidence do you have of like, finally, there's somebody's gonna be able to help me with this, right? As opposed to saying, oh yeah, go do this and go do that. And you can communicate that, but you have to communicate that from a place of this is actually the best move for my client is to slow down and ask some questions, use maybe a framework like the growth model, something that we can actually help them uh get to the root of what's going on and then help them when it comes to like uh um whether it's a tactical or an adaptive challenge they have.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Yeah, I love that. Great, great tips. Okay, so let's dive into these situations, which you have no idea what they are. And I'm not gonna elaborate, I'm just gonna, you know, give you a couple sentences. What? And then you'll have to tell me. Well, it's like a pop quiz. Why you put me on that? Yeah. Okay, so here's the first one. So

When Clients Keep Cancelling Sessions

SPEAKER_01 11:28

a client cancels every third session, but it's always for a good reason.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

Say the last part again.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

It's always for a good reason.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

Oof. I would question that. So, so when when you have a client that's been uh canceling every third session, I would get curious as at what is actually driving that behavior. Okay. What's actually driving that behavior? Let me give you an example of like why I mean by that. Like in some scenarios, I have tried to convince myself that I don't have the time to get into a coaching session, to slow down and do some learning, to get into personal growth. For me, it was also like, don't have time to exercise. And what I have found is that my brain will sell me on the idea that that is actually taking from me. And so in these scenarios where people start missing sessions, I would start getting very clear on like, okay, give me, give me an example of the last time what happened and what came up, right? Because a lot of times it's their brain could be selling them on the idea that they're jumping on a session is actually going to take from them. As opposed to if you actually get in and you ask them a few questions, so tell me what's coming up for you, that kind of stuff. When you think about that whole idea, might be for good reasons. That is the brain trying to come up with whatever reason it possibly can to prevent them from doing or taking that certain action. So, like it could be for a good reason. That's like that, that doesn't even like compute in my brain. And the reason why is because our brain will try and come up with as many different great reasons as possible to not do the thing we're uncomfortable with, right? So I would get in and I would start asking questions to get clear on what happened, right? What's coming up for them? Like, is there something they're nervous about? Is there something that like happened on that day? And it could be that when we think about it and we have this conversation, it could be they landed on a perspective that actually got them to take the right action. Like, what if somebody got admitted to the ER, right, in their family and they had to take them to the hospital? Like there's things like that. But I got to tell you, like, if somebody keeps missing meeting after meeting after meeting, that's setting a precedent. And as their coach, you have to ask them the questions about it. You have to call it out. Otherwise, that's just the norm now. The norm is that they miss sessions. Like, one thing that I really love about my clients is they don't miss sessions. Very rarely, like if they have to miss a session, I'll get a message saying, Hey, can you switch the session to this day or to that day? Because they know when they get on a session, when they leave it, they get so much value, they get so much energy, they get so much time back that they really go out and crush their day, if not their entire week, right? And so if I'm in this conversation or somebody brings, like, hey, this person has been missing all of these sessions, I'm like, we need to have this conversation. Now, I want to call out one thing in this because I think it's something that's that's uh important in all of these different things, especially when it comes to coaching, all right? There's this whole idea of like you have to be willing as a coach to risk the relationship. What I mean by that is like you have to be willing to call out to the things where you're like, I don't know if I should say this or not. You should. You should just find a good way of saying it or a good way of asking it as a question, right? But do not ignore it. If you ignore it, you now teach them to keep ignoring it themselves, to keep doing that, to keep going down that path. And that is not the kind of coach that you want. You want the coach who's like, wait, hold on for a second, let's talk about that. I'm not afraid to talk about that because that's what people I feel like they pay me for. I need to show them the mirror. I need to be the one who calls them forward. I need to be the one who goes, hold on, you said you wanted this. Do you not want this anymore? Did something change? And I'm not using shame or guilt. I'm using it because I'm their friend and I'm also their coach and I'm also the person who's gonna push them a little bit to go out and get what they want to get, right? Because, like, I mean, that's just something that for me is is inherently built in. It's like I have to be willing to share that. And we call it risking the relationship, especially. And by the way, you should do this even on a consult or when you're first starting together to find a client. Because if something comes up and you're unwilling to say it on a consult, like that's something that's gonna carry over into your sessions. You have to be willing to risk the relationship when you see something. It doesn't mean you say it bad or wrong, but you have to be willing to question it. You have to be willing to go, wait, hold on a second. What did you say? What happened? Right. My clients love and hate this about me. They'll say a flippant thing, and I'm like, wait, hold on a second. I can actually picture a client in my head right now who's like, dang it. Right? And I'm like, no, we need to talk about that, right? Because those are the things that hold our clients back. It's the things where we're like, I don't know if I should say this or not. I don't know if I should bring this up. That means that you should bring it up because your intuition is telling you to. You just have to find a way of like being able to communicate it in a way that's not like, I wouldn't say is like completely like airy and like a big hug, but also not in a like aggressive way either. It's more of like, I care about you and this just happened and we need to talk about it. So that's what comes up for me.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Yeah. So it's like you're coaching them even, you know, when you're not in in session, right? You're when you're not in a session. It's kind of like you're recognizing the pattern and you're pointing it out and you're having that difficult conversation, right? Even like you said, even risking the relationship.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:33

But, you know, and it could very well be though that, you know, people just take it the wrong way or take it, you know, as you being rude or arrogant or something. And then that's fine. But at least maybe it's something that'll that they'll carry um with them so that they start to recognize the patterns and are like, well, maybe, you know, I do find myself doing this um or saying this. And then, you know, the best clients will.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

The best clients will. Sorry for cutting you off, but like the best clients will accept that. They'll think about it. They may not in the moment feel all nice and airy about it, but they'll be like, this person cares about me. They care about my results, and they were unwilling to like not say it, right? And by the way, when when I'm when we're talking about like risking the relationship, don't do this like over email or text. You cannot communicate the same you can't as you can in like a one-on-one conversation, whether you're on the phone or Zoom. I don't know, do people do phone calls anymore? I don't know. I think my phone still works. But like you don't want to do that in that kind of like atmosphere. You got to do it where they actually can see and feel your heart, right? And you can't necessarily do that in like an email or like a text as well. I mean, you can do it via audio, but I generally choose not to do that. Like, so if somebody says something over like Facebook Messenger or something like that, I'm not gonna quote unquote challenge it in that moment, right? I'm not gonna call it out, especially if somebody didn't ask to be coached. I'm not gonna do that. Yeah. But if you're in a session and you're actually having a conversation with somebody, you have to find like those opportunities because those are the ones that change your client's life. When you're unwilling to go, okay, let's just brush past that. No, you got to stop it. You got to call out to it. You got to get curious about it. Not use shame or blame or anything, but get curious about it and actually figure out what's going on. You'll be amazed at how many breakthroughs your clients will have when you do.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

Yeah. You know, another thing I think is important to bring up is kind of like the opposite side, where you need to be okay if your coach or your the person you're coaching calls you out or says something like, hey, the way that you said that, I don't know. I don't appreciate that. Or I've actually had this happen before in a coaching session. And she, you know, she said it. And I was like, you know, normally I would be like, oh my gosh. Like I because I'm a people pleaser. And I'm like, oh, like I I hurt someone's feelings, or they they it made him feel this like kind of way. But I appreciated that. I was like, I'm glad she actually said something because what it was is I didn't really explain what I was talking to her about well. So that was a teaching or a a learning lesson for me because I was like, oh, maybe next time I should explain this or be more upfront about this before I dive into it. So I think, you know, it goes both ways.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

Yeah. How how did the relationship like uh continue after that?

SPEAKER_01 19:22

Oh, it was great. I mean, it was actually it was probably midway through our our contract. And I think the the way that, you know, obviously there was there was more trust because I didn't get defensive. I didn't say, well, I didn't say that, or I didn't, this isn't what I mean. I was like, you know what? I really appreciate you saying that. Let me let me explain a little bit better. Right. So it it it allowed the relationship to build more trust because there wasn't like this tension where there otherwise could be, if like you took it the wrong way.

SPEAKER_00 19:57

Yeah. I I want to make sure everybody grabs uh grabs onto what you just said right there, because um, there's this quote, it's like connection is built in the repair. So, like when you have situations that come up like this, you're not gonna be able to work through every single one. But when things go as a misstep and you're able to recover and repair like you did, generally the relationship is stronger than what it was before. And so there's gonna be moments when things don't go according to plan where things don't come out perfectly, you don't say them amazingly well. And that's a part of the process. But like when you get through that and you actually have that conversation, you're willing to have it, it builds stronger connection between you two. And usually the the your coaching sessions improve because now you've created a safe environment. They feel comfortable enough to share that that stuff when it comes up. You feel comfortable enough to push back a little bit, depending on the situation that it is, right? But you're this is kind of like what growth feels like is it feels like that, right? And so it's not that I want everybody to go out and experience stuff like that, but also what they can do is they can grab onto your experience right now and tell themselves that story or that perspective so that they can go in and create that level of connection with their clients too.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

“I Already Know This” Resistance

SPEAKER_01 21:06

So a person says, I already know all this about something that they aren't doing.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Okay. So so I would ask them then what is holding you back from doing it? So, and I wouldn't say that let me let me make sure that I'm very clear. Like, I don't say things like that because I'm like, oh, really? I'm saying that because I'm seriously curious. Then if you if you know this is what you need to do, you have this goal, and that's the thing you need to do to be able to get it, like what what is getting in your way? And and and so by asking that question, you're gonna get to hear. By the way, they they generally don't know what's getting in their way, but they may have an idea and they're like, oh, this thing is getting in my way. Tech is getting in my way, this the I don't know what to say is getting in my way. And now you're like, oh, I got it now. Let's explore it. And so you can explore it in that situation or scenario. So One thing that that um I want to show what I just did right there is somebody comes to you and says, I already know that this is what I should be doing, right? Sometimes if you or especially if you hear this for the first couple of times, that can kind of get you as the coach to freak out a little bit. You're like, huh, what did I do? What's wrong? What's going on? My client but think about what just happened in what I said. The person's like, I already know what to do. I'm just not doing it. And I'm like, so tell me what do you think is holding you back from it? And they're like, I just don't know what to say. Literally because I asked that question and they brought it up that way, I now have an idea of what's under the surface that could be preventing them from doing that. And I'm like, okay, so tell me about the last time they came up for you. Boom. Now we go into whether it's a growth model, figuring out what's going on in that situation. Now we can see what perspective is actually driving that behavior of not taking any action. Before, when they're like, I know what I need to do, that's kind of like the whole like idea of using logic to help you. And remember, we don't get motivated by logic. We get motivated to take action by our emotions, right? And our emotions are driven by our perspective. So when we think about that, it's not logic that gets us to take action, right? It's the emotion that comes behind um our perspectives, right? And so in that situation, I want you to see these, not just this one, but like all of these, is if they hadn't asked that or brought that up, you actually wouldn't be able to figure out what's going on and be able to help them. As a coach, our job is to help people who are at a current level to be able to help them elevate to the next, right? Be able to perform higher, being able to take more of the right actions, right? To be able to do that under pressure, right? All of those kind of things. Well, in order to be able to help somebody do that, you have to actually guide them through a time when they're getting stuck or they're slowing down or they're overthinking things. And so when somebody brings you that, I don't want you to take it as like, oh my gosh, I don't know what to do. I want you to take it as like, here we go, game on. Now we're gonna be, now we're gonna get somewhere. Right. So when when people bring me that, that those kind of questions, I'm like, yes, let's dive in. Right. And it's because I have a different approach in my brain, because my brain is like, now we're finally gonna be able to get somewhere. Because when somebody brings you something and they're emotionally attached to it, especially if they're like, oh, I know what I need to do, I'm like, we're gonna go, we're I'm gonna crush this for you today. You ready? Because like that emotion I know is what's fueling that. And I know that that means there's a perspective in there. And I'm just like, I'm hungry to find it. I'm like, all righty, let's go. Let's go. So that's how I would approach that kind of situation.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

Okay. Yeah. All right.

When Advice Gets Rejected

SPEAKER_01 24:40

So a person asks you for advice and then explains why each thing won't work. Ooh, so so I've had that's happened so many times.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

Have you? Yes. Have you? Okay, so so I I think one thing that might be a little different in this scenario is generally when when somebody asks me for advice, I usually don't give it to them.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

Yeah, and I'm talking about like maybe, maybe in this particular scenario, but like what when I'm uh speaking from experience, it is when you get down to the, you know, at a time.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

So you get all the way down to Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

So then it's like, oh, we still have some work to do back here.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

Yes. Yes. Okay. So so let's say we get through an entire coaching session and they're like, okay, what do you think I should do? Right. And so I start giving them some advice, right? And let's say they push back and they go, that's not gonna work. I would probably ask them, like, why do you think that's not gonna work? And I would, I would get them to verbalize out loud why they think it's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

It's usually a perspective.

SPEAKER_00 25:33

Oh, uh that time it's a hundred percent perspective. Because if they they they have already convinced themselves it doesn't work and they're not doing it and they never tried it, it's always perspective in that situation, right? And it's like, why do you think that wouldn't work? Right. And and I would just get like very curious about what it is that that uh that is driving them to believe that to be true, right? Because that is entirely your perspective. But you said something key, uh, and that is like a lot of times when we guide somebody through like coaching, right? You'll you'll get a feel for this after you coach like hundreds and hundreds of people, you'll get a feel for this. When people are just saying yes and okay and they understand as you're going, but they really don't. And they're saying it kind of like whether it's to say face, they don't want to like actually say that they don't get what you're saying or they don't believe what you're saying, and they're just going along with your coaching. That is kind of like a red flag for you as a coach because you need to spend more time, we call it in the unconscious side, more time with their unconscious beliefs. We need to spend more time there. And and a lot of times it's because like we sometimes we've gone too fast or we haven't explained it in a way that really connects with them. We got to take ownership of our part as the coach, right? It's not like you're gonna have a client who's gonna immediately know how their subconscious works and all this stuff. Like that's the that's our job. That's not their job, right? So being able to slow down and not jump into the happy good feelings of the conscious side or that the part of the growth model that's like, oh, it's it's so exciting to be over here, right? Being able to slow down in the unconscious side to show them what that's creating for them, right? When they focus on that perspective. So being able to do that and understand that that's what's going on gives you a little bit of empathy when they're like, that's not gonna work, right? I mean, there there's also situations and times, it depends on my client, where I will uh I will actually share like some different scenarios. Like, let's say I'm sharing they're like, that's not gonna work, that's not gonna work, that's not gonna work, right? And um, and I start to ask them some other questions. Maybe I'll be like, well, what is a way that you could get what you want, but just do it in a different way, right? And then and see kind of like what they come up with. But even sometimes like I will ask them questions that kind of like force them to come up with their own answers as opposed to the ones that I that I've done. Because I will notice that like sometimes clients, even when you get all the way to the end, they ask you for advice, they really don't necessarily want your advice. And so I would ask them a question like, based off of your superpowers, well, maybe what has worked in the past for you, what is a way that you can do this that you'd feel good with? Right. And we can work through some different scenarios, but it'd be more of me getting back into asking them questions rather than giving them advice.

unknown 28:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

Yeah, I love that. Okay. So

The Bigger Problem Underneath

SPEAKER_01 28:05

a client keeps bringing you the small version of a problem you can tell is much bigger.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

Oof. This actually does happen quite often when you start to coach people and you start to get to know them, right? Yeah. And you start to hear like, okay, like this problem is a little bit deeper. One of the things that I do as a coach, which is different than other coaches, is when I hear it, I call it out and I ask for permission to go down that path. And I don't say, hey, I I see that this thing is holding you back. I I never say that because I that's how you plant limiting beliefs in your clients, right? But I say, hey, like, I'm not sure if this is coming up for you, but like there's this thing that keeps that it keeps popping up for me. Is does anything of that like feel true? Or am I completely off base? And sometimes they'll be like, no, that's something that's like really been going on, right? Then I'd be like, well, would it be okay if we went down that path? We don't have to. We can stay surface level for right now, because surface level will often lead us to deeper. But like I really think that this would be super helpful for you. It might be hard, but I'm all in. I'm all in with do it going through it with you if you're willing to do this with me, right? And seeing if they say yes or no. Sometimes they'll say yes, sometimes they'll say no. And then I just go back to whatever that surface level thing is, right? But once again, going back to what we said earlier, is like when those difficult things come up, like you don't want to just bypass them. You don't want to just like push them away or just try to get comfortable, right? Those are the things that like literally can change your client's life when you call out to them. And you don't, like I said, you don't call out to them like, hey, this is your problem or this is what you have going on. It's just more of like, hey, I just want you to try this on for size. Like I could be totally off base here, right? But this is coming up for me. Is that coming up for you too? And just seeing what they say. If they're like, no, that's not it, which by the way has happened to me plenty of times. They're like, no, that's not it. I'm like, okay, that's all on me. That's my own like stories and perspectives that I'm telling myself in and we get back into the coaching session. But there's like no harm, no foul because I'm not telling them. I'm just merely asking them. So that's what I would do in that scenario.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

All right. So by the way, did you enjoy that? Asking me those questions?

SPEAKER_01 30:17

Yeah, I did. Because there were some things that I it could relate to, or like I've done before, and then some things were like, oh, that's that's a good tip, actually. I try that next time.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

Which one stuck out to you in terms of the tip?

SPEAKER_01 30:28

Um, I think the one where about when they say that, oh, I already know all this. Because I know that I've I've done that before where it's like I almost get like not defensive, but I like insulted a little bit. Where it's like, well, then what do you need me for? You know? But it's but it's obviously like something where they have this perspective that just keeps driving everything and you just have to get a little bit more curious. So that's definitely something that I need to remember.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Yeah,

Your Weekly Stretch And Closing

SPEAKER_00 30:59

yeah. Let's actually let's use that as the stretch for this week. Okay. Because as you were saying that, I'm like, oh, I remember what I used to like go down that path, right? And that is when uh maybe you have a client or your kids or a situation that happens this week where you kind of feel a little defensive, like they respond in a way that can very easily, I wouldn't say necessarily push your buttons, but take you down the path of like, well, then why do you need me? kind of thing, right? And instead of going down that path, I want you to stop, take a breath, and realize that in that moment, that is your greatest opportunity to figure out what's actually going on. Like um, I know we were talking about this offline, is um when you are um a coach or you're a leader, um, people are going to bring you things that they're struggling with. Just like, for example, like the whole taking action. And you're gonna get on with a client, they're gonna be like, I didn't take any action. That once again is your greatest opportunity to help them, right? If they could take action all the time, they wouldn't be your client. They literally came to you because they're like, I want to be more consistent, I want to be able to achieve X, Y, and Z, right? So it's only obvious that when they bring you that, that's your greatest opportunity. So that's what I want people to do is really think through. Like when I go through situations this week, as I go through those times when I feel like, uh, right, you can kind of feel like you're starting to go down that path of being triggered a little bit. Stop a second, take a breath, and realize that this is your greatest opportunity to help because somebody has brought you a challenge, especially when it's these kind of challenges, they feel open enough to sharing it with you. Just get in, just dive in a few more questions deeper. Actually figure out like what's going on under the surface because it's going to give you the greatest opportunity to help them.

unknown 32:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

All right, all right. Well, thank you, everybody. Appreciate you so much for listening. Let us know what spoke loudest to you in this episode. We appreciate you for being here, for leading from the front, and for listening all the way through this episode. All right, everybody, have a great rest of your week. Bye, guys. See you guys next week. Bye, everybody.