When You're the One Everybody Comes To

Energy Check And Big Question

SPEAKER_01 0:00

What is going on, my people? I'm gonna have some extra energy for you today, okay? Okay, because I know you're a little tired. Um, by the way, the last podcast it sounded like I hadn't gotten sleep in three weeks. Like, I don't know if you listened to that one. Why? Because my energy was like super low in the beginning, and then afterwards it kind of like came out as we went. But I'm gonna change that up today.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Sounds good.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Okay, sounds good. So today, what we are talking about is why everybody comes to you. Not well, you, but also you, the listeners, right? It's like a lot of times we have these situations where people come and they want us to make the decisions, they want us to start the conversations, they want us to take those actions, right? And we become kind of like that go-to person. But there's a part of this that sometimes we start to resent in that scenario, and it's because we actually don't see what's going on. And today, I want you to be able to step into this identity because a lot of times it has a lot to do with you are the perfect person to do that. And I want to share like some of the different principles that I've really leaned into related to this, but what this actually is telling you that you're missing. Let's do it. All right, well, let's go. So you're listening to Modern Leadership Coaching. I'm Mark.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Why'd you say it so slowly?

SPEAKER_01 1:15

I don't know. I wanted to slow down so Kurt can edit it. Good.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

And I'm Teresa.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

And this is where we help people learn how to lead themselves and others effectively. And that's what we're gonna be talking about today. By

Reframing The Question Your Brain Asks

SPEAKER_01 1:28

the way, one of the things that I do want to bring up before we jump into the questions is our brain will sometimes ask us questions that could be good generative questions, but our inflection in that question makes it a bad question. So for example, why do I have to be the one who does this? It's way different than why am I the right person for this? It's a different scenario, right? But it's just like an inflection of one word versus the other, right? And I think sometimes we ask ourselves the other question where it's like, why am I the one who has to do this? When in reality, you're like, what if you just answer that? But you answered it of like, why am I the right one for this? Which is different, right? It's a different way of really thinking about this, and we're gonna tap into that today.

The Real Reason They Choose You

SPEAKER_00 2:13

So why do you think certain people become the one everybody comes to?

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Uh, because actually that's their superpower. That's what they do exceptionally well. What I think is crazy is like a lot of people, especially when it comes to like growing a business or leading and that kind of stuff, is people will typically come to us not because of what we say, but because of what they see us do and how they see us show up. And because of that, we now become that go-to person in that area. And so when we have those times where people are like always coming to you for the same thing, you might be asking yourself, why are they coming to me? It's because either there's a superpower there that you don't know about, or it really is a superpower, and you think it's just like everybody else can do it at the same level that you can. It's not the truth. The truth is, is that's your superpower. That's what you do exceptionally well. That's where you bring your A game and they come to you for a reason. So that's why I always like to remind myself of that. Like in the moment, when people come to me for things, like they still even come to me for health and fitness. And they're like, why are they coming to me for health and fitness? I'm like, oh, because that is a skill of mine. It's something that I've done for such a long time that it's just a normal thing for me. And it's the same thing is true for people that bring you things. And when you start to realize that that's why they come to you for it, it just helps you kind of like tap into your own level, but also make sure you don't resent people for them coming to you for your superpower.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Yeah,

Resentment Starts With Your Story

SPEAKER_00 3:31

let's let's talk about that because why do you think people get resentful or become frustrated when people keep coming to them?

SPEAKER_01 3:37

First off, it has a lot to do with your belief system. But when I think about like a lot of times we are in a back and forth conversation in our brain, right? And that back and forth conversation is why do I have to be the person who does this? Why does it always have to be me? Why can't it be somebody else? And you get so stuck on asking yourself those questions that it gives you terrible answers. And it's like, it feels heavy. It feels like, man, they're putting something on me when in fact it is your superpower. It's the reason why, you know, like we say in this, like it's what you do better than anybody else in the world and doing it for them, it's not only gonna help them, but it's gonna help you. Think about when you're trying to do something and it's something that you, it's not your superpower, it's your weakness. It can feel frustrating. It can feel like, uh, right. But if you're doing something that's your superpower and you're doing it for somebody else that you really care about, that feels amazing, but you can't feel that in the moment, right? Because you're kind of like leaning into maybe like what is required of you in that specific moment. And there's one thing you're missing. We'll talk about that a little bit later, like what you're actually missing that is creating that kind of like level of resentment in you. But it's all of these different stories we tell ourselves, all these different perspectives, and all these terrible questions that we ask ourselves when in reality it's something we could use for us and not against us.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Okay. So for someone who's thinking right now, yeah, I'm like that person and maybe I don't want to be that person, or I feel frustrated and you know, resentful. What do you think that person maybe can think about to get past that?

Adaptive And Technical Fixes

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Yeah. So two things. We're gonna we'll go through the adaptive challenge first and then we'll go into the technical challenge. Okay. So so the adaptive challenge is kind of like what I was talking about. It's like, is, is seeing this as your opportunity to really help this person by using something that comes either natural to you or something that you are look, you know, kind of like sought after because of this thing, right? And so instead of thinking about it as like, ugh, I'm so frustrated by having to do this, think about all that you gain from actually being able to step into this level of not only your role, but also like your superpower, right? Think about all the people that you're gonna be able to help related to that superpower. Think about like, well, if people come to me for this, then like maybe I should start helping more people in this capacity too. It really opens the door when you realize that this is your superpower, as opposed to just saying, like, why do people always come to me, right? That's focused on what's broken, wrong, or missing, as opposed to, man, why do people come to me all the time, right? And then being able to answer those questions. So that is kind of like the adaptive challenge. And by the way, everybody has a certain um story or perspective they tell themselves that creates that level of resentment in them. And we just have to make sure that you're having conversations with people that understand how the brain works so they can help you spot that, and then you can take full control over the adaptive challenge. Now, the technical challenge is kind of like what I was talking about earlier, is the fact that if you keep finding yourself in this situation and you don't have somebody that you can lean on, that's where a lot of the resentment will also come from. Because you're the person that everybody comes to. But if you don't have anybody that you can lean on, you don't have anybody who is like that you can ask what they're, you know, based off of their superpower, like how you can show up, it becomes like it's all about me and what I have to do. And you don't have anybody like that either, right? And I mean, we talk about this a couple episodes ago about the three levels of reach, right? If you're constantly reaching down and helping people and you're not reaching out and reaching up, you're gonna be really resentful. And a lot of times what it is is because we're taking on the thoughts, actions, and beliefs of the people that we're lifting up. And so making sure that you're in that level of an environment where you're able to reach up and to reach out is really, really critical. You know, if I were to summarize this, if you think about people coming to you in a scenario, because that's your superpower, right? And you start to reframe that as there's a reason why they're coming to me, and they're coming to me because I am the best person to do this. And at the same point, asking yourself, okay, like, am I also in an environment where I can lean on people by reaching out and reaching up to make sure that I continue to not only remind myself of my superpowers, but also to keep growing and being around other people who have other superpowers that can level me up too. And when you think about those two things, that's what I've have found has helped me the most is making sure that I'm both in an environment and making sure that I'm getting the awareness piece in my brain and making my brain answer those questions that it asks me. Like, why am I the best person? Right. Is like, why am I the best person to do this? And by doing that, you can lean into it.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Yeah, I like that because you're looking for the opportunity rather than like thinking of it as something negative. Yep. It's all about how you think about it, right? How you think about yourself. And when you're approached about maybe a specific thing constantly, rather than making it something that is maybe taking you away from what you want to do, like lean into that and see what it is that you can take from that, right?

Use Your Superpower Everywhere

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Because there is a reason why people keep coming to you about that specific thing. So Yep.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

And something I want to make sure that people grab onto is I've seen this happen where somebody is kind of frustrated because of people keep bringing them this thing, and then they realize that that is actually the way that they can help people on a higher level. And then they step into this with their leadership. Then they step into it when it comes to coaching, and literally it helps them produce more money, make more impact, and really help people because it's like them using their superpower, their thing that they do better than anybody in the world. I want to give you an example of this too, because like we teach a lot of coaches, teach a lot of people how to coach, how to lead, how to manage their own mind, how to help their people manage their own mind. And it really helps people like perform on an entirely different level. And what I find is that sometimes when somebody's a coach and they're really good at this, they're using it in their business, but not at home. Or they're using it at home and they're not using it in their business, or they're using it with their clients and they're not using it in their own brain. And it's one of those things where if it's your superpower, you should probably utilize it everywhere. And so I've been into conversations about like, you know what, uh, why am I always the person that has to start the conversation at home with my kids or with my wife? And I'm like, well, you have this skill. Would you rather the other person start it in a way that's negative or like focus on what's broken, wrong, or missing? Or would you rather start the conversation to make sure it steps off on the right foot? This is literally what you do. You get paid to do this. Should probably bring that to some of the different scenarios and stuff when you think about at home, when you think about at work, when you think about, you know, in your sessions and really making sure that you are, you know, we call this being proof of your product, right? And by the way, I can really tell when coaches do this and when they don't, but also I can tell when leaders do this and when leaders don't. And that is they're willing to do the things they're asking others to do. I don't mean like for six months when you're in a training. I mean like forever. Like you are literally proof of what you do makes an impact in the world. I can see that in somebody's eyes when I'm having a conversation with them, when they're telling me about what they're doing in their business or as a leader and whatnot, because they're willing to do the things that they're asking of others. And by the way, when I can sense that, it creates confidence in me because like I can feel it when they're communicating it. They're not communicating it from a point of like, hey, I read this in the book or I just took these actions one day. They're more like, this is who I am. And if you want to be able to develop this, like I want to be able to teach you how to do this. And there's just a different level when you're doing that. So I know we kind of like expanded on what the original idea is here, but really it has a lot to do with you being willing to ask people to do the things that you're willing to do. And if you're not doing those, it's okay. Start doing them like yesterday, right? It's not one of those things where you can't go back and do. Start doing it. And I I will say that if you look back to the times when you have been most on fire, most on point, and most growing, it's because you were doing those things. And then they secretly, like your brain convinced you secretly you didn't have to do them anymore. And now you're like, what's going on? And it's like, if you were to examine it, you'd go back and go, Oh, you know what? My superpower. I'm not using my superpower on me or my family or this, whatever it is that people bring me, because I've convinced myself not to do that. I'm gonna get back into that. Not only do you uh get better results, but you actually feel better when you do it.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

So, what do you think about this?

Lead So Others Step Up

SPEAKER_00 11:23

So the person who is the one that everybody comes to, and let's say that they they really don't want to be doing that specific thing. Like let's say having those or initiating those conversations. Maybe they don't want to do it all the time. They know they have that strength, but they don't want to do it all the time. You know, what would you say about them influencing others to be able to develop that skill? Yeah. So that way it's not all on them and they could actually help others, you know, level up.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

100%. So, like a lot of times when we bring the skills into our personal life or into our obsessions or into the leadership or into the boardroom, right? When we do that, we indirectly teach people like how to do that for themselves. But sometimes we do need to take a step back too. And we have to empower other people to step up and to do that too. Because a lot of times because we are those go-to people, people tend to give it to us and just let it go.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

But this is the difference between coaching and leadership versus like, you know, everybody becoming dependent on you. Like I always want to make sure that I'm trying to make myself completely obsolete, that like people are gonna be able to take over, to take these actions and do it without me there. It doesn't mean that I don't use my superpower, but it's like, okay, using my superpower and then also figuring out how do I create an environment to allow them to use their superpowers too. And when you think about this, it's just a different level than why do people keep bringing this to me? It's like, oh, maybe I can teach or influence people how to do this for themselves. It's just a different perspective that will help you to really step in and do that. That was a great question, by the way. All right, guys,

Listener Feedback And Closing Charge

SPEAKER_01 12:52

appreciate you guys so much for listening. I'd love to hear like what has connected with you, like in this episode, whether it's quote unquote something good or something where you're gonna make an adjustment, or you're like, you know what, I want to become that go-to person again, or I'm gonna be thinking about this a little differently. We'd love to hear some feedback from you. And also like some of the results that you get when you hear this kind of stuff, right? This is not the easy, hey, follow these three steps. This is more of like things to ponder, things to think on and ask yourself like, how best do I want to show up when somebody's coming to me because of my superpower? And whatever that answer is, reach out, hit us up, let us know because we always love to be in this fight with you. So, all right, guys, thank you for what you do out there every single day. And above all, keep leading for the front. We'll see you guys next week.