Four Levels Of Self-Coaching: The Self-Leadership Ladder

High Energy Welcome And Setup

SPEAKER_01 0:00

What is going on, my people? Good morning, good morning. I have the energy today. And do you have the energy today?

SPEAKER_00 0:07

I don't know. But it's okay because you have it.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Yeah, I do. I do. So, guys, welcome. I am super pumped to talk about today's topic. And I actually wrote a book on it. It's funny, you know, people say that you should write a book on it. And this one I actually wrote a book on. We're gonna talk about self-coaching, specifically this idea that we call the four levels of self-coaching. Now I want to call out something real quick because coaching and leadership for me is synonymous. So when I think about these four levels of self-coaching, these are actually the four levels of self-leadership. Okay. So I want you to interchange that. And you might hear me interchange that, not only today, but tonight on our workshop. I'll talk a little bit about that later. But really, it is 100% exchanged, intertwined, those kind of words. Okay. So here's the thing, here's the angle that we're going today. And that's like somewhere in your life, when things get hard, you can still get yourself to show up. But then in another area of your life, when things start to go sideways or don't go according to plan, something takes over you. And before you know it, you are not able to show up as the best version of you. Now, for me, being a police officer for a long period of time, like I found that was the area where I could take full control over. But when I got home and the kids didn't listen, and then this happened, and then getting myself to work out, all of those other things were areas where I didn't feel like I had that level of control. And so the truth is, is I was the same person, I had the same brain, but I had totally different results in different areas. That's why today I want to share the why behind that, which is specifically these four levels. Now, tonight we're going into a workshop that you're going to be able to bring whatever you come up with today, because we're going to walk you through a little bit something today. We want you to bring that to tonight's workshop. We're running it for completely free. And if you go to modernleadership.us forward slash workshop, you can get the details, you can sign up, and if at all possible, join us live. Yes, there will be a replay, but you will get way more if you come live. All right. So welcome to Modern Leadership Coaching. I'm Mark.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

And I'm Teresa.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

And this is where we teach you how to lead yourself effectively, how to really get yourself to show up. Not just when things are easy, but when things are hard in all areas of your life. So the way that we set this up today is I want Teresa to ask me the questions around these four levels of self-coaching. And I want you to really like just take note of each one of these areas because at the end we're going to have a little bit of a challenge, just like we did last week, which by the way, one of our incredible humans that is inside of HIMA and a couple other different places, Lisa, she reached out today and she was like, I love the challenge from last week. Here's what I'm gonna do about it. And I'm like, I love that energy. So, Lisa, as you're listening today, this is gonna be challenge number two for you, my friend. All right. All right.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

All right. So let's talk about these four levels. Okay.

The Four Levels Overview

SPEAKER_00 2:56

What are they?

SPEAKER_01 2:57

Okay, so um I like to think about these as the way that we approach certain areas of our life. As I describe these, I want you to think about some very specific areas. It could be like your health, your relationships, your marriage, maybe your business or your career. And it's what happens when a situation doesn't go according to plan. We have four different ways that our brain typically takes that situation and we respond or react in that scenario.

Level One Blame The Outside

SPEAKER_01 3:25

So, level number one, let's start level number one. This is the lowest level. This is not the level you want to be at. You want to be closer to level four. But level one is what happens when you blame the outside world. So you blame the reality, you blame the facts, you blame the politics, you blame what somebody else said, you blame that your client didn't do something, you blame that your boss sucks, you blame that all of the blame is you pointing to someone else. So level number one is there's no area of ownership, and it's all pointing to an outside thing which you have no control over. Now, for me, I've been in areas that I was a level one for sure. Health and fitness was a level one. That's why I was 100 pounds overweight. I was blaming so many other things, thinking that, you know, I was kind of like putting myself in a box so that I didn't have to like do the hard things to do it. But that's level one. Level one is you blame the outside world. Level

Level Two Reflect Then Beat Yourself

SPEAKER_01 4:14

number two is when you go through a situation and you don't show up as your best self, and then you reflect afterwards. This is kind of like the okay, what would I do over again if I were to do this week all over again? What's the one thing I would do? And you sit down and you think about it, and you go, you know what? I did this or I responded this way or I reacted this way. The next time, this is how I want to react. And so now you have a plan. You're taking a little bit of ownership, if you can tell. The problem with level two is the next time it happens, you can't catch yourself in the moment. You do it again, and usually gets worse because your brain starts beating you up now, like, I had this plan and now I didn't do it. So this is level two is you reframe it afterwards, but you still can't catch yourself. Level

Level Three Catch Yourself Mid-Moment

SPEAKER_01 4:57

three is when you start to be able to catch yourself in the moment. You start to go down that path for us. We understand it's a perspective. You start to go down the path of like that your brain starts to travel, it starts to create an emotion in your body, and you stop it in that moment. Some of the skills that we teach you how to stop that, because everybody asks us, that's what we teach in the self-leadership lab. But you stop it in the moment, you reframe it, and you step into the best version of you, and you show up on your A game. This is night and day from level two. It is instead of waiting until afterwards to reframe it, you actually stop yourself in the moment and you show up the way that you want to. Now, the problem with level three is that takes a lot of energy. Can you imagine if you're trying to become a level three in like three or four or five different areas of your life and you're trying to think it through before you actually react in that moment, it can be almost impossible. That's why there's level four.

Level Four Identity And Ease

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Level four is once you go through the techniques that we teach, is like really being able to rewrite your brain. So your brain automatically goes down that path instead of like having to be forced to go down it, it now becomes your identity. It's just who you are. This is just what you do. When I think about my results when it comes to health and fitness, this is what happened. I went from level one to level four. And so now I don't have to think about it. The alarm goes off. Don't worry about it. I have a decision on what to eat. Don't even have to second guess it. It's like just who I am. But I had to go through a process to get from level one all the way to level four. And that's really what we teach is like, how do you do that? So it happens on autopilot. And I wish I could share that in an episode of what podcast. It's not necessarily something I can do. I need to show people how to do it, which is what we're gonna be doing tonight. But those are the four levels. Once again, level one, I blame it on the outside world. Level two, I reframe it, but I can't catch myself in the moment. Level three is I catch myself in the moment, but that can be really tiring. Level four is I just do it automatically. I don't have to even think about it anymore. Level four is the goal. We're trying to get to level four as much as possible in as many areas as we possibly can.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Yeah, I love that. And it it really shows that there are different areas where you are possibly a level four. And it just you're different levels in different areas because we're human, right? And sure, we strive to be the best version of ourselves. But it's not to say that you're a level four in one area and you're like, oh man, I suck, right? Yeah. It's it's not about that. It's not about, you know, putting yourself down and feeling like level one is just a really low level, and it's gonna be hard for you to get up to level four. Yeah. It's not about that. It's it's always a process, and we all go through this with every area of our life.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Yep. Yep. I mean, it's it's such a key point because you're gonna have some areas you're still level one at, no matter what level, or no matter how good you are as a coach or a leader or how effective you are at leadership is a part of the human experience. And then there's gonna be areas that you're level four at, even if you feel like you suck in every area of your life, there's gonna be some area that you're a level four, and you've got to acknowledge and appreciate yourself for it.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

Yeah, and I think we can forget sometimes because we're we're always so focused on what's what's wrong, right? What's broken? But when we start to see this, we start to evaluate each area and we're like, you know what? There's room for improvement. Let me work on that.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

So what does level one sound like?

SPEAKER_01 8:08

So when we're at level one, we typically go outside of ourselves and point our finger somewhere else. So for example, is like, yeah, the algorithm hates me. This program that I went through didn't actually help me. All of the things that are pointing outside, right? My boss really sucks. My kids are not reacting this way. I need my wife to change first. These are all like examples of level one. And when you find yourself doing this, no shame or guilt, but we need to stop it. Okay. We there's no ownership. There is zero ownership. There's like, I am trapped, other people, they need to change, the algorithm needs to change. And once that happens, then I'll be happy. But until then, I'm pissed.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

This seems like the easiest thing to feel like you're in it and you're just like, oh well, there's no work to be done here.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

It's like it's not my fault. Yeah. So you blame others.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Yeah, it's kind of easy in the moment, but it sucks long term. Yeah. Because nothing's going to change. Right. It's going to get worse, more resentment, more like, maybe this isn't possible for me. Maybe I wasn't destined to do this. And all of that is complete BS and all false news. It's like, if you can't take ownership, there's really not much anybody else is going to be able to do. You have to be able to take ownership. So that's what level one sounds like. And yeah, it's kind of tricky sometimes how it talks you into that stuff, but it points the finger at somewhere else.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

And I think we all know people who are like this in probably every area.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

But what you reaction before we do that. Yes. And also don't hang out with people who are like that. Because if they're in level one, you are going to contagiously be pulled down to level one. Stop it. Really minimize your time with them. Spend more time with people in level four, please.

SPEAKER_00 9:43

Yeah. So let's talk about level two. What does that sound like? But also tell us why you feel like maybe this is a level where most people get stuck in.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Yeah. Level two is the most frustrating for the people that we work with. The reason why is because this is where the self-blame and guilt and humiliation and pointing at yourself. This is instead of pointing on the outside, you're pointing on the inside. You're like, something's wrong with me. I said that I was going to do this and I'm still not doing it. Why am I not good enough? Why is this happening? Why am I broke? And all the terrible questions really coming. Level two is self-destruct for sure. Because like level one, you're at least pointing outside yourself, and you're not necessarily making it mean something about you. Level two, we're like, this is about me. I suck. I don't have enough discipline, which by the way is the name of our workshop tonight. It's not a discipline problem. Discipline has never worked for me ever in the long term. It's very easy to convince yourself in a moment for like, ah, I've got to discipline myself to do this, but it is not consistent. I've never found it to be consistent with me or any of the clients that we work with.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

Because it's just a stage.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

Well, it's a stage, but also like, why not get yourself to want to do it? Instead of like convincing yourself to do something you hate. What if we actually found a reason to love it? I don't know. Like I'm just thinking that that's the better option. But yeah, so level two is kind of like beating yourself up, asking yourself terrible questions. This is really where the self-leadership comes into. Being stuck in this self-fulfilling prophecy, getting into loops, like all these different things, making your unconscious, totally run your show, that kind of stuff. This is like usually the most painful, but also it's the most rewarding when the person gets through it. Because like when we help our clients get through from level two to level three, it's a game changer. It's a game changer for them, but it's a game changer for the people that are around them. And that's what I'm most excited to do is to help people through those stages and then to solidify it in stage four so they never have to go back to that again. But yeah, that's what comes up for stage two.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

Okay. So what changes in level three?

SPEAKER_01 11:31

Yeah. So in level three, it is catching yourself mid-moment. And by the way, a lot of people ask like, how do you catch yourself mid-moment? And there's multiple different things that we want to teach to be able to catch yourself mid-moment. Some people do like pattern interrupts or breathing and stuff like that, but you got to find something that works for you. For me, it's a synergy of things. So I tap into like two or three different tools that help build off of each other to make it so that I actually want to do something, not feel like I have to do it in that specific moment, right? But when it comes to level three, level three is you start to go down that path, right? Like let's say somebody says something or something happens with the algorithm or you send a message to somebody and they respond to they don't want to work with you, right? Instead of going down that path, you start to feel a certain way in your body, you stop it. You do some type of pattern interrupt, you reframe it, you find a different energy to tap into it, and you just really get to show up as your best self. And so it's like a matter of stopping yourself in that moment, wanting to go down the other path, because this is another thing. Like so many people think they just have to force themselves down that path. I'm not a proponent of forcing. I'm a proponent of let's be more creative and think about it a little bit differently. And by doing that, it helps you go down that other path so that you can show up as your best self. And this really builds off of it because like once you've done it once, it makes it easier to do it again. Cause you're like, wow, I felt great after that. I showed up as my best self. Like I model this behavior for others. Now people are looking at me going, how did that person keep their stuff together? Right. And the more that you do this, the more it's like that muscle that gets you up to level four eventually.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Yeah. So you you stop reacting. And I think like this is the kind of turning point where you know things start to really change. So tell us what level four actually looks like in someone.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Yeah. Level four looks like ease. It looks like peace. It looks like I don't have to even think about it. It's like my brain doesn't even have to contemplate it anymore. It's focused on other things that I'm doing. The amount of brain space that you save when you get to level four allows you to focus on other areas where you can most grow. This is the be do have part of the process. When you become somebody different, you don't even have to think about what you need to think about. It's just automatic, you're thinking at that level already. And then it just automatically you just do the things you want to do and you get to get the results that you want. And you're consistently thinking about, okay, what's the next thing that I have to level up? It frees up your brain space to think about something else entirely different. That's what level four is. And it it feels amazing when you get there. You don't even have to think about it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Yeah.

How To Move Up Levels

SPEAKER_00 13:52

So on each of these levels, what does it take to move up a level?

SPEAKER_01 13:56

A couple things that it takes. And by the way, tonight I want to show you what it's actually like, right? First piece is awareness. You have to actually figure out what's going on. Like for us being able to figure out what level you're at, what some of the perspectives or stories are that you're telling yourself in that moment, right? So becoming aware of the internal dialogue that you have going on that is making you a level one or level two or a level three. After that, it takes ownership. You have to be willing to do the work. You don't just ask yourself one question and think differently and totally transform. I wish it was that easy. It's not. It's not how the brain works. It's not how repetition and emotional experiences can get trapped into your subconscious. We need to reprogram your subconscious just like how it was written the first time. So it takes time, but it takes ownership, willingness to actually go through, have these conversations and being willing to lead yourself through it. Number three is it takes an outside spotter, somebody to see what's going on for you. Because here's the thing like even when I say self-leadership or self-coaching, people think that means isolation. But the level that your brain is at right now, in terms of the problem that it's created because of your brain, it's not where the solution is found. You need to find somebody else to be able to point it out and show it to you. And then you can go away and work on it and coach yourself and lead yourself through it. But if you're like, oh yeah, I've just been leading and coaching myself through it and you're not showing up any differently, you're not leading or coaching yourself through it. There's an invisible thing there that somebody needs to spot so that you can actually be able to see it. And the last one is you need to have some type of framework to be able to guide you through this. Now we have a couple different frameworks that we're going to be teaching the self-leadership lab, but there's different ways to be able to not only spot what it is you're doing, but then empower you to be able to take action on it. And it's not discipline, it's not forcing yourself, it's actually getting yourself to want to do this. We have a part of that process called the conscious perspective creation that I cannot wait to unveil. It's something that we've never taught in a program like this before. And it's something where you can literally on purpose choose the belief that you want to have and get yourself to show up on your A game because you want to, not because you're feeling forced to. It's a process that we're gonna have to guide people through in order to be able to do that. But being able to have some type of framework to fall back on in the moment, especially when things are really difficult, is really, really powerful. And the last thing I would say is like feedback and reps. Feedback and reps. Meaning when you do this, you need somebody else who is a few steps ahead of you to be able to give you feedback on it. What path to go down, what path not to go down. So many times people come to me and they're like, oh, this is a good path for me to go down. This is a good question to ask, or whatnot. And I'm like, that is terrible. That is a terrible one to ask, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Wow, you're really blunt.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

I am honestly, because I'm like, I want them to stop doing that stuff, right? Because their brain is making them feel like this is the path for them to go down, but it's actually not helping them, right? Because we know that not everybody responds to the same questions well. Some of them use them to beat themselves up and some of them don't. So having somebody to be able to give you some feedback, going, how about this? How about if you went down this path? Of course, being able to spot some of those things, but then getting your reps in, getting reps in, saying, hey, this part worked, this part didn't work, and being able to change it along the way so that by the time you get really good at being able to lead yourself, you can effectively lead yourself through anything as long as you still continue to have a spotter, somebody to spot that stuff, right? That's something you're never gonna be able to remove from your life. Even for us, as we continue to get higher and higher and higher levels, now we have a marketing person who's coming on board, who's spotting things that we never would have been able to spot. We had a call with her and we're like, oh my gosh, I cannot believe that is actually some of the things that have been going on, right? That we've been leading with, or some things that we didn't even understand that were behind the scenes. And it would have never been possible if we were just internally having that conversation, right? We need to get somebody from the outside to spot it. So those are some of the things that help our clients move up these levels. It's not just merely knowing it. It's also not merely just learning it on the podcast, even though that's why we're teaching it, because we want people to have an understanding of it, but you actually have to have those things in place to make sure that you not only have the things that you need, but you're able to do it consistently so that you can be empowered to be able to lead yourself. So let me ask you I know that you have seen some people move up some levels, and maybe even you can even describe like when you've done this. I love to hear what happened and then what was different after going up some of those levels.

Teresa’s Health Story And Environment

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Yeah. So I do want to share my personal experience going from a level one all the way up to a level four. And I do have to say, and it it really involves my health. And I want to say that for me, because I didn't really understand this, I mean, we when we first got started with our health and fitness, um, we didn't understand these concepts. And it took me years to get from a level one to a level four. So I do want to say that if you are finding yourself at a level one, a level two, and you want to level up, then coming to this workshop, you're going to be able to speed run that. You're not gonna wait years because you're gonna understand what is going on, how the process works, and how you can implement it in your life. Yeah. So I do want to say that. Um, but for me, I was a level one in my health and fitness. You know, I was, you know, trying to do something, um, but I would always blame the outside. You know, I was busy, I mean, mom of toddlers and all of that. And not to dismiss, you know, um, you know, early motherhood because it it is really hard, but I wanted to change. I wanted to um feel better. So I started to go through those levels little by little. I started to understand that, you know, just because the outside was I was making it a fact to me didn't necessarily mean that that was the case, that it was true, that I could take some control. Um, so I started to go through these levels. And I think the jump from level three to level four was game changing. And it it went from, you know, like catching myself in the moment and reframing things to like you said, this is who I am. I became the person that was working out every single day. And, you know, this started 14 years ago. And to this day, there are some different circumstances right now, but for me, I still consider myself the person who works out, right? The person who has focused uh on my health, and that's a priority, right? But also I do want to point out that you can revert back levels, right? And I think it's really important um as far as you know your environment, like who you're around, where you can fall back on these levels. So it is important to think about who you're surrounding yourself with. But also, you know, there are circumstances that happen, like ex, you know, my example as well, you know, you have this thing that happens with your health that you don't expect, and you start to fall back on those levels. But now that I understand this process, I can get myself back much quicker than I would have if I didn't understand this at all.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Yeah. I mean, part you just shared in terms of like going down levels. I want people to really grab onto that too because we see this all the time. And that is like people who are in the right environment. They go up levels very fast and then they get out of the right environment and they go down levels really fast. That is not a failure in you. It is your environment, but it's also the way that the human brain works. We will take on the thoughts, actions, beliefs, behaviors of the people that we are around. It is a safety mechanism for us. Like we want to be able to fit in. Okay. So being in the right environment is crucial, which is why we want to invite you to the workshop tonight. And of course, once you get an opportunity and a taste for this, you're going to want to join the self-leadership lab. When you see what it's like to be a part of that environment, it is a game changer. And you got to ask yourself like, how do I make sure that I stay in an environment like this so I can continue to elevate these levels?

Today’s Challenge And Free Workshop

SPEAKER_01 21:44

All right. So let's do the stretch again. All right. This one's for Lisa. Let's stretch a little bit. What do you got?

SPEAKER_00 21:48

So here's what we want you to do today. We want you to pick these four areas. So your health, your marriage or relationship, your business or career, or your parenting. Give yourself a number from one through four in each one of those areas. Then circle the one that matters the most to you right now. And that's the one we want you to bring to tonight's workshop.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

That's right. Because tonight we are going live at 4 p.m. Pacific time, which is 7 p.m. Eastern Time. It's going to be 60 minutes and it is 100% free. The truth is you're not just going to hear about it. You're going to walk yourself through it. Actually, walk yourself through a specific real moment in your own life. And me and Teresa are going to help you do that. So if you go to modernleadership.us forward slash workshop, we're going to leave it in the show notes. That is how you register for the workshop. Now, if you're hearing this after tonight, the self-leadership lab is open and it starts on Monday, November 2nd. It's 60 days. It's nine live calls with me and Teresa. It is capped at 15, which means once we hit 15, the group is going to be closed. We're not going to allow anybody else to go in there. Most likely, if you go to sign up for it and it goes to the waiting list, it's because we've hit that 15. If you are somebody who really wants to master the ability of leading yourself, taking yourself from a level one up to a level four, grab a spot in the self-leadership lab, modernleadership.us forward slash lab. This is for people who are already performing and you want to get to your next level. This is the right room for you. All right. Looking forward to seeing a lot of you guys on the workshop tonight. Otherwise, I will see 15 of you inside of the self-leadership lab. Can't wait to get started on November 2nd. Thank you for always fully leaning all in to this for the leases that are out there, which I know we have a lot of you guys that are out there. You're the high performers. You're the person that people depend on. And you're wanting to show up as your best self, not just when everything is easy, but when things are hard too. And we want to say thank you for that. Your family appreciates you for that. The world thanks you for that. And just keep showing up on your A game, all right, because that's what it's all about. All right, everybody. See you guys tonight. Keep leading for the front and have a great week. Bye, everybody.