When Inspiring People Stopped Being Enough

Why Helping Others Gets Hard

SPEAKER_01 0:00

What is going on, my people? I am back with your intro. And I know it's not as good as the Moments Teresa. What do you think? It's fine. It's fine. Okay. Guys, uh, we have a really powerful episode today for you. We're going to share a little bit about our story. We know some of our people who have been around for a while know this story, but I know there's a lot of people out there who may have a desire to want to help other people through an area that maybe you have changed. How do you do that? How do you help somebody else change through something that you've personally been through? Because I feel like it's a it's one of the catalysts that we have as coaches, right? Is to be able to go through a situation, become stronger because of it, and then be able to be the best person to help other people do that. But today we got to talk about something important, which is the whole idea around inspiring and motivating. And when that stops being enough. And I think my story is a perfect place to start. And I say my story, but this is really our story, right? So Andrew now is 17. I cannot believe that. Can you believe he's 17? No. And by the way, the boy does not want to drive and he doesn't seem like he's interested in moving. It's okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:12

It'll come.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

It's

A NICU Crisis That Changed Everything

SPEAKER_01 1:13

okay. It's okay. But when he was initially born, so 17 years ago, he was born at 28 weeks. So he was born early, right? He was one pound nine ounces. I remember I could hold him in my hand. We bought one of those like little mini flip cameras. Do you remember that? Yeah. It was like the worst quality ever. But like you were in the hospital bed, so you couldn't see him. Like you couldn't get wheeled out, right? Because you were having, I mean, it was called the help syndrome. It's a severe version of preeclemsia. But I remember like being able to hold him in my hand, take a video of it, and then bring it over to you. And it was like 420 was the image quality, it was terrible. But anyway, I remember, obviously, I remember that. That was like a really, I would say traumatic situation in our lives where he had to spend 73 days in the NICU because he couldn't breathe on his own, right? His lungs hadn't developed to the point where he could breathe. And I remember it was four weeks and a day before he could actually start to breathe a little bit on his own. But we had to go back and forth to the hospital for 73 days. And I remember at that time, I was not physically, mentally, or emotionally ready for something like that. I don't think really anybody's ready for something like that. But I know that if I had taken better care of myself, I would have been able to show up a little better than I did in that moment. And this is an important part to my story, I know, specifically, because I remember thinking that I had let him down. I was like, you know what? He didn't decide who his dad was. But I decided every day when I talked myself out of working out, talked myself out of eating healthy, talked myself into working more, doing those kind of things. And I realized that I had been kind of like pushing back against the change that I really knew that I wanted to make. And it was this incident that helped me to catapult us into coaching and doing what we do now. And so that story, it's really important to me because it was what I termed to be rock bottom, which believe it or not, a rock bottom is just a thought, right? It's just you can decide in that moment for it to be rock bottom. But because I had decided to make it rock bottom and I didn't just think about it, I actually did it. I started to create different results in my life. So, of course, having to go to the hospital for those 73 days, I ended up developing shingles and a couple of other things. But when I decided that I was going to do something different, I did start to show up and process a lot of not just like the outside things that I did, but the internal game that I had, the stories that I was telling myself, the perspectives and the things that I really needed to quote unquote fix in order to be able to get healthy. And when you think about the totality of all the way I lost, I lost about a total of 100 pounds. And I remember before that, I was kind of like yo-yoing up, down, up, down. And when I look at the end from the beginning to the end, uh being able to lose 100 pounds, that created this really powerful question that

Rock Bottom And Losing 100 Pounds

SPEAKER_01 3:55

people would have for me, which is like, how did you do it? How did you get yourself to do that? And this is where my coaching was born. But it's also where I got stuck for a long time. So, guys, you're listening to Modern Leadership Coaching. I'm Mark.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

And I'm Teresa.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

And I want to make sure that you talk more today. Okay. And we talk, this is where we talk about what it actually takes to lead people. Because a lot of times when I share this story, I tend to talk a little bit too much. I want to make sure that we don't do that. But today, I really want to connect with you guys who have gone through challenges, struggles, opportunities, however you want to think about it, and you've come out stronger on the other side and you want to help other people. Because when I think about that process that I went through and then people coming to me, I mean, when you are a hundred pounds lighter, of course, people are gonna be like, How did you do that? Right. And now I've been able to keep it off for this amount of years. Of course, still people call me out, which by the way, every time I'm on Larry Hagner's Dad Edge podcast, he always introduces me as the health and fitness coach. I used to be like a health and fitness coach. Now I'm kind of like the coach of coaches, but also like teaching people how to coach themselves and coach others. But it's like when you get, when you lose 100 pounds, people now see you. That's just who you are, right? And and I'll reconnect with people who've known me for like a long time and they want me to write them like workout programs and stuff like that, which by the way is a beautiful thing because people do know me as like a certain person based off of what I've been able to accomplish. But at the same time, it's also not what I typically do anymore. And I'm not really sure why I went down that path, but I think it has a lot to do with like when you lose and and people can see like the physical changes. Now that's just wow, this person can do that. So when I was going through this process and starting to coach people, starting to help them, I realized I had two things that I could do for them. Number one is I could share some of the strategies that worked for me. And number two, I was really good at motivating and inspiring them. And I thought that is the game changer. That's what coaching is. It is not. I found out unfortunately at the time that that wasn't it. And the reason why is because I was helping people, I was sharing some of the different strategies. And I would say a very small percentage actually would do it and see results. And most people wouldn't. That's why I would want to talk about today, because I actually I felt like I was stuck. Whether you're somebody who you've come upon coaching and you're like, I want to be able to help coach people, whether it's like a career or relationships or health or whatever that is. And I want to make sure that I learn about this before I jump in. Today's episode is gonna be perfect for you. Or if you're somebody who is coaching and helping inspire people and helping them, like wanting to make a real change in their life like you did, today's episode is really for you

When Plans And Pep Talks Fail

SPEAKER_01 6:30

as well, because we're gonna go down both of those paths.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Yeah. So tell us what you did when people first started coming to you asking you like how you lost all that weight. Uh, what were you actually doing with them?

SPEAKER_01 6:41

I was giving them nutrition advice. I was giving them workout programs, I was designing stuff. I became first, I became a certified personal trainer, then a precision nutrition level one coach. And I was giving them all those different strategies. One of the things that I did do that I I'm proud of myself for is I also got them into personal growth and personal development. Because that was a big part of my journey, is when I hit rock bottom, being able to change some of my thoughts had a lot to do with like personal growth and personal development. I didn't know that the root of personal growth and personal development is coaching, is being able to understand what's going on under the surface, right? So I did get them started in that. But that's pretty much what it was. It was like, oh, you want to lose weight? Here's the programs I did, here's the shake that I drank, and here's the nutrition plan that I followed. And we had a lot of people who jump jumped in, right? And people would lose some weight, people would feel a little bit better. We did have people who did have great transformations, by the way. I remember somebody by the name of your Christine, I think she lost 120 pounds. But like there, it was like um, not everybody was. And and I had this desire of like, I want to help more people, right? I really want to be able to help more people. But do you know what I did to help more people? Give them more workout plans, give them more nutrition plans, and give them more motivation. Hey, what if we just like met up every week, multiple times a week, and all of this stuff, right? And and by the way, I'm really good at being like the world's best cheerleader. I mean, that's why even some of the coaching that I do right now, it's because people like that energy from me. It's just that that's not the only thing that I do anymore. It's not here's the path that I took and giving you some motivation and inspiration. There's like a mixture of getting to the root of what's actually going on with them. So that's what I used to do. And it used to work to some degree, but it didn't work to the degree that I or the standards that I held to myself in terms of if somebody's paying me money, they need to get the best results that I can possibly help them through.

Frustration As A Coaching Signal

SPEAKER_01 8:35

So that's what's coming up for me.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Um, so I'm I'm I'm curious. Like, I know they like obviously you experienced this, but um, while I was there in that space, um, I got really frustrated. I got frustrated because I'm like, I have this thing. Why is it not working? Is there something wrong with me? Something wrong with them, like what's going on? But I got super frustrated. First, I was like, frustrated because they weren't taking action. I'm like, I'm giving them the steps. They must not want this bad enough, right? I know, I know. It's just my brain, how how my brain used to work back then, right? Um, and then it was like, you know what? Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not able to get them to be consistent. So maybe there's something going on with me. So I I want to hit this whole idea of frustration, though, because we have people that we coach all the time who get frustrated. And I think what they they do is they want to not feel that way. I have a different thought and process around that, but I want to hear yours. Is like, why do you think the frustration when you're in those kind of like situations, why do you think that's an important part of the story?

SPEAKER_00 9:35

Yeah, I think it kind of shows people that they do care, right? They care about people's results. They care that um, you know, they they believe in them, but it also kind of shows an opportunity. Because you're frustrated, there's something there. And there's there's this chance that you have to look into that. Like, why are you feeling frustrated because of this? Like, what's going on? Um, because it's not necessarily about the the other person that you're trying to inspire. It really is about what what you're making that mean about you. Because I I I don't know about you, but I I know when I was doing this, because I mean we were coaching together, um, I would get frustrated because I thought I'm not being a good enough coach. I'm not being uh a good enough, you know, motivator to get people to take action. And then I would see other people that, you know, were like inspiring like hundreds of people. And I'm like, well, how come I can't do that? But it was because I was just thinking about this um where I was internalizing it.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

So really, this is about first off, yes, of course you care. Um, but there there is this like opportunity to tackle something that may not be, you know, coming up to the surface yet.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Yeah, yeah. I I I totally agree. It um the the where my brain goes with this is that feeling in your body is kind of like it's an important thing because it tells you where you have an opportunity to lean in, learn something, grow, whether it's like a technical challenge, like doing something different, learning a new skill, right? Or an adaptive challenge, a way that you're making it like mean something or the energy that you're bringing to it. Like we don't know those things until we actually sit down and actually have a conversation with somebody, right? When we actually coach them, but we don't know. We don't know, but it's trying to tell us something. It's like, I like to think of this as like, it doesn't tell us exactly what's going on, but it like kind of like waves the flag of like, out of all the things that you could focus on, focus on me first. And I'm like, I love that because otherwise I would be trying to change probably things that aren't broken, probably like focus on different things that really don't need to be focused on right now, right? And just stay busy thinking I'm being productive. But if we didn't have those feelings, those feelings are really good tells of like, hey, let's take a look at this, whether it's something with your thinking or something with your actions. Like we don't know until you get coached, but it is kind of like a uh a way of helping laser focus in on what you need help with.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

Yeah. And I would say that, you know, think about think of it more as, you know, being curious about what that is because it's a signal, right? So rather than feeling frustrated about being frustrated, just think about it and like, oh, yeah, I wonder what's going on, right? And just

Why Inspiration Is Only A Start

SPEAKER_00 12:20

be curious.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

100%. Yeah. Taking the curiosity. And not only does it will it help you with the emotion, but it'll actually help you get to the root of it.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Yeah. So we're talking about inspiration and everything. And why do you think that inspiring just isn't enough for someone?

SPEAKER_01 12:35

So when we think about inspiring and motivating people, like there's nothing wrong with doing that. Like I do that all the time. Um, it's something the reason why we have this podcast. It's why we ask people who go through our certification or our programs to actually listen to the podcast still too, because like inspiration and motivation is really amazing, right? I mean, that's why I still listen to like Ed Milette and people like that, because I do need a little bit of inspiration and motivation from time to time. I just don't depend on it. But I also know that that is not the only ingredient to help people achieve what they want to achieve, right? And so it's a it's a piece of the puzzle. It is not the whole puzzle. So, so if you're just looking for inspiration and you're not um working on managing your thoughts or trying new actions, you're going to get stuck because you're going to be inspired to keep doing the wrong things. You're going to be inspired to keep thinking the same thoughts over and over again. You're going to be inspired to stay the same. And that's that's not going to be helpful, right? But also, if you're like working on your thoughts and you're working on your actions, but you're not finding ways of inspiring yourself, motivating yourself, painting a picture of the future. What is this gonna be like a year from now when you fully commit to this and you go all in? What kind of impact is this gonna make? Who are you gonna help change in your life? Like, if you don't spend some time in though in that space either, you're gonna be like, ugh, this is not what I thought it was gonna be. This is not fun, right? And you're gonna be taking that energy into everything you do. So I don't think it's a um an or situation. It's an and. But that's why I would say like inspiring itself is not enough. And you may find that you're super inspired and you're super excited, but other people maybe aren't as excited or inspired, or they're not taking action. That's like why we made this podcast, because we do see it. We people see people on social media who are putting out amazing things and it's it's incredible, but it's not helping to the level they want to because it's they only have like one way of being able to help their clients.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Yeah. And I see inspiration more as a like a starting point. Like that's what kind of sparks you taking action towards whatever it is that you want. Yeah. So what was the thing that uh you started to see the moment like you realized like what was actually getting in people's way and that it was the same thing that you'd done for yourself without even knowing it?

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Yeah. So so I've had a lot of people ask me this question. And that is like, well, Mark, the way that you explain coaching now, you didn't know it back then when you made the change and the transformation in your life. And and that is a very, very solid point. But when I think about the process that I went through that got me to take action, that got me to uh find something that works for me, that got me to be consistent. It was like I was never taught the process of coaching. But when I was taught it, it was like, no wonder why that helped me succeed. And I got to tell you, like when I had that framework of like, wow, I can't believe I did that on my own. But I was not doing that in like seven other areas of my life where I wanted to improve, it like literally opened the door of like, I can do this. Let me just duplicate this in the other areas. And that's how we grew the multiple six-figure business, how I rose up the ranks of LAPD, how I got more connected with you and the kids, right? Is because I now had like the um words behind what I had done before. And that was the thing, is like when I started, when I learned how to coach, how to coach myself and how to coach others, I realized there were some things that I did automatically in the area that actually I succeeded in, but I didn't know that I had done it. So I didn't know how to repeat it. I didn't even realize that was going on. I still believed that it was the tactics. I still believed people just needed to try more workout programs. They needed to read more personal growth and more personal development. They listen to more podcasts and um and going through that process of like learning how to coach really helped change me. So, going back to your question though, is like what really is getting in

Autopilot Thoughts And Mental Loops

SPEAKER_01 16:20

people's way. So I I wanna, I wanna kind of like describe this in kind of like the idea behind coaching, but also the idea behind how our brain works. And it's very important that you understand this is something we go into a lot more depth in all of our programs because it's important because just like I was saying earlier, when you know how you succeed in an area, you can use it in multiple areas. But if you don't actually know, you're literally just throwing stuff against the wall and seeing if it's it's gonna stick. Where if you just knew what it was that you did, you would actually be able to achieve success in this new area. And so um, when we think about the brain, right, we think about like two main purposes for it. Number one is to keep you safe, all right? It's like a protection mechanism. Number two is to automate things so you don't have to think about it so that it happens on autopilot. Most of the time, 97% of our thoughts and and the way that we're operating is purely on autopilot. Somebody says something, we immediately react. Um, the alarm goes off for the morning, we either get up or we don't get up, right? It's like we don't really consciously think about it. This is why we call it the unconscious. It runs the show. So you have this computer program in your brain that's running a show. Okay. Now, how where it pulls from is it pulls from your past experiences, the things that have happened in your life, these situations that have come up, um, things that people have told you over and over and over again, so much that you believe about yourself, right? And so when we like literally think about, okay, we have a computer program that's running in our brain and it's based off of my past, which is generally where it can only pull from, right? When we get good at coaching, we can actually pull from the future and think about what we want to create. But when we, when our brain is doing it automatically, it's only going through the eight track of our mind. It's pulling. It's like, oh, you went through this experience and this is what happened last time. So let's do this, right? And like we don't consciously think about this, but this is what it does. It pulls from the past, right? And so if you look, if you think about this, like everybody has had a different past. We've had different emotional experiences, we've had different like things that we've done repetitions on, like we have different growth, we've been around different people, others have influenced us differently, the environment that we're in, the country that we're in, the learning that we're in. We are all like we're all individual, beautiful, amazing souls. And what accidentally happens is some of those things in our brain get stuck and they start now running on autopilot. We call them loops inside of the certification, where when this thing happens, this is immediately where your brain goes. It creates the same emotion in your body. You take the same actions that you normally would, and you create like disconnection or whatever it is that you don't want to create in that situation. And when we go through these loops, it plays over and over and over and over and over again. Okay. Now that was kind of important because I want to share with you, like getting to your question is like, what is it that's actually getting people's way? It is they're pre-programming in their mind. It is they don't understand what how their past dictates the actions they take right now based off of like the automatic thoughts that come up. When you understand how that works and you work on how to how to reprogram that, which is what we do in in all of our programs, you get into how to reprogram it on purpose. Cause in the beginning, it's not necessarily programmed that way, right? I mean, we all know this, like when we're a kid, like, and we want to be astronauts and we want to be all these things, right? And then fast forward to like when we're 35, 40 years old, and um, we really don't have those like uh desires anymore. We're not like, I can't wait till be an astronaut. We like, oh, I like I don't have don't have the schooling, I don't have the time, but kids now, I'm too old. I can't be a police officer, like all of these things. And we that's those are things, those are beliefs that are brought with us. By the way, um, shout out to Tim Talm Talman. I'm not sure if he's like listening to this podcast anymore. He was like 46 when he joined the LEPD police academy, totally crushed it. He was like one of my um most favorite, like P1s of the time, which is our, you know, it's um where you train some of the new probationary officers. Totally blew everybody's minds of like this person at this age, and it's because his belief system was not the same as everybody else. He's like, I'll be able to figure it out. I'm I'm stronger than what they think that I am, right? And and so when you think about this stuff and you think about the person who's in front of you who's getting a workout program from Mark and a nutrition plan, any of this pre-programming that I can't help them with, right? Because I didn't know how to help them with, they're gonna be like, I don't have the time, I don't have the energy, I don't have the money. This never worked for me before. I'm not good at lifting weights, I'm big boned. This is just the way that my family looks. All of these things, like, and it could be any of those things or all of them, all of those things are thoughts that are holding them back from actually doing it. And if all I'm doing is like motivating and giving them a nutrition plan and a fitness program, which is great to start off, I'm actually not helping them with a thing that has held them back from doing this in the past. Right. And that thing is going to be on a loop over and over and over again. And so that's why we talk about like fixing broken arms with band-aids, right? But then when I think about this, I'm like, oh man, I was trying to fix a problem. I didn't even know what the problem was. This is why we talk about this a lot, because like when you're in this space of like actually coaching people, it is really my belief that you have to be able to help them on these different levels. You can do consulting where you're like, hey, let me give you some ideas of what has worked for me in the past. It's different than coaching, which is also why I feel like coaching and leadership is so closely related, which is why we're modern leadership coaching, because it's the same thing. It's about understanding how the brain works, about being able to motivate and inspire people, not just to do it for you, but also to do it for them. And it's just an entirely different energy when you work on a team that's like that, right? And it's the same thing. You got to understand what's going on under the Surface. Can't just understand, like, hey, I'm just giving my employee this work and they're not doing it. Why aren't they doing this? Like, if you don't understand this, you don't know how to help them. Your helping might be like, you're going to get fired if you don't, or you'll get a promotion if you do. Like, that's not really actually helping them. They're masking it and they're going to force themselves to do it, which is not going to be coming from a place that you want it to come from. And they're not actually going to be solving the problem. They're going to bring that problem to the next level, right? And so when you get really good at this, yes, you can help people lose weight. But that's why I said, but like earlier, like I can help anybody through any situation that they bring me because I understand this stuff, right? And being able to do that, I think is is what helps people get out of their own way. It's why after I did this, people, a lot more people started losing weight, a lot more people started, started to uh lead more effectively, a lot more people got closer to the family than ever. And and it was because like that I could help them in this capacity. And then there's the other part of the equation if they're open to actually getting that kind of help, right? Which is an entirely different episode in and of itself. Because you can be in the same rooms. I had this, you're in the same room, somebody's like, oh my God, this changed my life. And somebody else is like, I've tried this before, so I'm not going to try it again, right? And the same exact thing is there. And you go, like, oh my gosh, if you're just open to this, right? But like I said, that's an entirely different conversation. But didn't Did I answer your question by the way? Yes, you did. I feel like I just reproduced the human mind.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

So you almost didn't learn the actual

The Costly Decision To Get Trained

SPEAKER_00 23:25

skill, right? So you talked yourself out of it twice because of the cost. So we're we're talking about like coaching, right? Um, what was really going on there and what changed in your mind?

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Okay, so so uh I'm gonna give you the semantics behind this, okay? So I was quote unquote coaching for seven years. So before this, part of an MLM um uh really do did believe and still believe in the things that they taught me because it actually did help me. When you get past your own mind, the technical things, if you have a good system, will work, right? And so um, for seven years, we were doing this for other people, me and you, right? And um, we were capped at about $40,000 to $50,000 a year. And I knew that if I wanted to retire and then have you retire early so that we both could do this at home, like I needed to figure something out. I was at that time, I was presented with an opportunity to learn how to coach. So at the time, my initial mentor, her name is Brooke Castile, she has the had a program called the Life Coach School. She still has it. Um, she just doesn't do coaching in um or teaching certifications like she did back then. Uh, but I had seen it multiple, multiple times. I think it was the third time that I ended up signing up. But the first two times, if you look at what I talked about today, Mark's brain at that time convinced me not to do it. Just like I was convincing myself to not do the things to lose weight initially. And then I had that rock bottom moment. Guess what? The same thing happened again because I didn't understand coaching. And I'm like, yeah, I I have too much going on at LAPD. I don't know how I'm gonna do this with the little kids. I don't have enough money. By the way, their certification was like $20,000, something like that. And I just I would convince myself. So two times in a row. And I remember the second time, I kind of kicked myself because like a month or two later, uh, I heard something on our podcast about how she was, you know, what what she was teaching. And I was like, oh, that would have helped me so much. So the third year came around, and I'm like, okay. Actually, the first two years I was like, you know what, when things clear up, when I make more money in the business, when I, when I, when I, when I, then I will. And the third year, I'm like, hey, we need to use the credit card. And you're you are the most supportive spouse ever. You're like, okay.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

No, I don't think so. There was there was a little pushback.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

There may be was, but like, but probably because I was like really inspirational in the moment that I inspired you to go, yeah. Cause I'll, you know, I when I'm thinking about like, here's where we're at right now, here's where we could be. And I think this is the missing ingredient. Like, I'm really good at painting a picture like that. At least I can sell you in. You can convince me. I can pretty much convince you. Yeah. I'm pretty good at it. I can also convince myself, which is really what we're talking about today. I convinced myself. Super good. Um, so so I remember saying, I'm gonna do this. And I jumped in. What was funny is like I had um I paid for it. I signed up for like the first call and it wasn't for like a month away. And I already started to feel like a difference in how I was even coaching and having conversations. Like I, by the way, I I like that is something that is so I just see it all the time. It's kind of like when you're planning the vacation. Sometimes planning the vacation is more fun. Well, also, like when I know for me, when I sign up with a new coach or a new program, I start getting results even before I get on with them. And I'm like, it just changes my energy. So yeah, I'd convince myself two years in a row, third year, I ended up doing it. I'm like, the time is not gonna get any better. I'm not gonna have any more money in my bank account. I need to find a way of doing this. And what's crazy is like um some people like um at the time, they were like, I don't think you should put that on the credit card. And they had like all of these other thoughts and beliefs around it. And I'm like, well, I've got to do something different. And like for me, this is gonna be my different. I'm not gonna shame myself that I'm gonna have debt, right? And to be honest, in the space of business, like usually business owners don't shame themselves about debt because usually if you have to open up a brick and mortar, you're gonna be paying $40,000 or $50,000 and you're gonna have to have a loan for that. So, like, it's it's it's kind of like a normal like uh thing in the entrepreneur space, but being a police officer, that wasn't so normal to spend $20,000 for um the certification. But I went through the certification, I became aware of so many of the things that we talk about here today, started doing coaching calls, all that kind of stuff. I remember when I was in the training, um, my mentor, my trainer, who was not Bruchistio, was somebody else that uh that was another coach inside of there who was a master coach. She was like, um, she said, if you want to learn the fastest, raise your hand every time you possibly can, even if you don't have the answer. And you better believe that that was me. I was raising my hand. She was like, Hey, what's a question that we could ask this person? And I would raise my hand and she'd be like, okay, what do you got? I'm like, I don't know. Let me think about it real quick. Like, I learned at the speed of light. And because I went all in with that, and and she actually asked me if I wanted to teach and instruct for the life coach school at that time. And um, I was like, no, but thank you so much for that. And I think that's what actually planted the seed in me to that I could help people through this. And it just so happened that, like, when I graduated, 42 days after I graduated, I had already paid the $20,000 back. So I had already made that amount of money. And then Josh, one of my um early mentors, reached out to me and said, Hey, would you like to create a certification with me? Like uh he's the visionary. I'm like more of like the person who can who can put all the training and stuff together and teach and train. And so we created our first certification together, which was like four, four and a half years ago, by the way, now. And that kind of like propelled us into what we do now, which is me and you have our own certification. But it all happened because number one, I had talked myself out of it. But then number two is I talked myself into it and I realized the impact it was going to make. And if I think back to like not just the financial gains that we've had, because every year after that, you get to keep those financial gains and you get to keep all the lessons that you learned and you get to move them into the next year, right? It's one of those things where I'm like, I was not willing to trade $20,000 for, I don't know, over a million dollars now, right? It's like that doesn't even make sense to me. But being able to do that and then see what happens on the other end, but also the impact that I that we're making now. Our impact is so much bigger. Even the difference between like one-on-ones, which being able to like have the some of the best one-on-one clients, like I would consider them friends is amazing. But think about what it's like to actually teach people now how to do that for themselves and for others and the ripple effect that that has in their lives. That's what really, really gets me. Because if I had said no to that, I don't think I would be at the space where I'm at right now, where I can have do these teachings and trainings and keynotes and in team calls and podcasts. Like, I don't think I would have been able to do that if I had not been able to really learn how to manage my mind. So, by the way, does that answer your question? Yes. Stop saying that. I feel like I'm I'm the one who's talking so much. But I do want to ask you before we get into the last question, is like obviously you came along this journey too. You saw me go through it, and then you ended up getting certified too. I'm curious, like, like, was there any pieces that you saw that maybe I haven't mentioned yet that are like, I don't know, loud in your brain in terms of pieces that maybe I I didn't share right now?

SPEAKER_00 30:04

Yeah, well, I mean, we're talking about inspiration. So you you did inspire me to actually look into coaching. And I think it was at a time when I was getting frustrated. I was feeling like I, you know, I'm trying to help people, but it it's it's not at the level that I want it to be. And and I also feel like I mean, I mean, I I love learning. Like I I like especially learning about like the brain and everything like that. So I thought, well, it's just like really interesting. And I and I saw how this training and and you being able to coach other people, how that was transforming you

Making Coaching Your Operating System

SPEAKER_00 30:45

too. So I was curious about it. I wanted to learn more, and and that's what kind of got me to to go into it.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

I love it. I love it, I love it. Okay, so so for the person who's listening today, where they've made this change in themselves, some type of change, and they're like, I want to be able to help others implement and make the change like this in their lives too. What do you want to make sure that they take away from this episode? Because we've talked about it a lot.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Yeah, what I want people to take away is if you're trying to help someone you really want to help, and it just hasn't worked yet, uh, it's not because you don't care enough. Like we talked about that. Like it's not the the caring is not the issue. Um, caring has never been the missing piece. So inspiring people is a really, really beautiful thing. And it's not the same as being able to help them change at the root. And we talked a lot about that today. That's really a skill. I didn't have it either. I mean, you know, until I did. And it changed everything about who I could help.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

Yeah. And I know we didn't spend much time on this, but like just the idea of this skill and how we use it to help other people. We actually didn't hit on how we actually use it to help each other, but also help ourselves, uh help our kids, right? While they're navigating stuff. Because this is one of those skills that and and that I have actually seen this happen, even to people who've learned this skill, is there's a difference between you putting your coaching hat on and it changing your identity, and that's just how you operate. There's a difference. Because maybe you're like you turn this on when you're in front of somebody coaching them. I don't turn it on. Like it's just there all the time. It's just a skill that I've developed that I've spent so much time honing and focusing on. It's just how I operate. I I just stop myself and ask a question or ask you a question or the kids a question, get curious about things. It literally is like the upgrade for my operating system. So if I could give back all of the money and all of the like being able to do this from home with you and still be a police officer and still learn this skill for all of those other benefits, I'd I'd do it in a heartbeat. At the moment, when I decided to, it was because I wanted to be able to help and inspire more people, produce more income and do that kind of stuff. But like looking back on it, I'm glad that I had that desire. Once again, that frustration and that frustration for me meant doing something about it, not continuing to push, like and just keep doing it over and over and over again. Like I say, be here a year from now, which I was there seven years from now, from then, right? But also like not giving up and not just saying, yeah, this just isn't fit for me. Yeah, just it's just other people, right? But being willing to do that hard work. That's why, like when people say that like they get lucky, like that, oh man, they got so lucky. You don't see these stories that we talked about today. You don't see all of this decision on, I didn't have the money, I didn't have the time, I didn't have like this, I I who am I to do this? Like any of those things that that people had to overcome in order to get to where they are. And I think even just slowing down and thinking about that today, of like the people that we see as like, man, they're super successful, they did not have it easy either. They were just willing to work through it, to figure out where they're frustrated and to do something about it. Doing something about it is not working harder and it's also not taking your foot off the gas. There's a beautiful place in there in the middle,

Wait List And Listener Feedback

SPEAKER_01 34:10

which is why we love what we do. Just a side note, uh, we have the high impact mastery academy. We have a September round that's going to be starting. If any of this hit and you're like, I really want to learn that skill, uh, we have a wait list. It's modernleadership.us forward slash certification. Um, as we get closer, we'll share some uh some more of the details. We wanted to put that out there for you guys today. But really, I just want you to think about what Teresa was talking about, which is like caring isn't is not your missing piece. You care. That's the reason why you're here. That's the reason why you're listening to this podcast. You're probably not listening to this podcast because you don't care. You really do care. And that is an important part of the puzzle. The skills are also important. And when you have those skills, it's just gonna completely open the doors to a place that you've never been before. And it's so amazing when you're willing to do that, you're willing to, like we said, lead from the front, take that action of how much others are inspired by that too. So thank you guys for spending this time with us and listening to me chat for like 48 minutes. But um, we appreciate you guys. Uh, and by the way, if you find these podcasts to be helpful, we've been doing these a little different, reach out to us and let us know. What do you find to be the most helpful? Do you like it when Mark talks less? Do you like it when Teresa talks more? Whichever one, hit us up. Let us know. And if you have a topic that you want us to hit on, we are more than open. Click on that fan mail button and you can send us an actual voice memo and tell us what you'd love to hear. And we'd love to help serve you. All right, everybody. Have a great, fantastic week, and we'll see you guys real soon.