Bonus Episode - Finding the Real Problem

Why The Problem Is Not Real

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Well, good morning, my people. But I just want to start off by saying I am so pumped to get to spend some time with you guys today. Now I want to share a little bit of the frame in terms of when we talk about problems. Some people call them challenges, some people call them opportunities. It doesn't really matter what you call them. The one thing that I will call out to is generally the problem that somebody brings you is rarely the actual one. It's very rarely the real problem. Here's the thing: like you guys are all high performers. I actually called out to in a very specific way to make sure that only high performers come here. And there's Lisa, another one of our high performers. So when you're a high performer, generally what you're going to do is you're going to take action. You're going to be doing things, right? And when you're doing things and when you're taking action, but you're trying to solve the wrong problem, you're going to spin and it's going to feel like I'm doing everything. I'm taking these actions and I'm trying to solve this problem. But what if that was the actual surface level or actually not the real problem? And the real problem was a little bit different. Now the truth is, is like when we bring these things, whether they're problems and challenges that we're going through or challenges that other people are going through, it's not because we're hiding it. I don't know about you guys, but I'm like, I cannot wait to hide my actual challenge so that I have to go through this a million times and not actually solve it, right? No, it's because we can't see it from where we're standing. You see, we have this thing called a filter. And it will filter out the things that sometimes we don't want to look at, sometimes maybe we're a little nervous looking at, or some of the things we just don't know because we've we haven't been able to experience it in the past, right? So when we approach these challenges and these situations, I want you to think about this as a leader, but also as a coach. Okay. And it's very important that you do this. Number one is we don't make assumptions to what the actual problem is. You don't want to assume what the problem is with your kids, with your spouse, with your friends, with the people that you coach. Okay. Because most of the time they don't know. And if they're coming to you telling you what the problem is, my honest belief is that if they knew what the problem is, they would have solved it.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Really think about that. If you knew what the problem was, I know you. You would have solved it.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Right? Now, when I think about the two, there's actually two types of problems that could come up, okay? Now, um, so you have a goal and you want to be able to achieve this goal, right? On track to that goal, there's gonna be challenges that are gonna come up. There's gonna be problems. There's gonna be people call them obstacles or setbacks, however you want to call it. But things are gonna come up. I'm gonna be honest, like if you have a goal and you hit it, it's because you didn't set up big enough. We have to get through challenges because that has actually helps us step up.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

How many of you guys actually have had challenges that you've been through? And that's actually made you stronger, and now people come to you for them. If you didn't work through them, you wouldn't be able to do that.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

You wouldn't be able to do that. So I don't want to uh I don't want you guys to be afraid of problems or challenges. I want you to lean into them because they're teaching you something so you can help even more people. Okay. Now when I think about these two types, tip different types of challenges, okay, I'm gonna I'm

Two Types Of Challenges Defined

SPEAKER_01 3:20

gonna simplify this into two. There's two kinds, okay?

SPEAKER_00 3:23

The first one these are technical challenges, okay? Technical challenges. Technical challenges are solved with more information with Google searching. Chat GPT or Claude. Maybe a plan. Maybe like a resource or a cheat sheet. Maybe a list of questions. Now, if you can't hear, technical things are things on the outside of you. Resources, skills, plans.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Okay? I'm gonna give you some examples of this, but most people what we think is we think we're dealing with a technical challenge. And we very well could be. I don't want to say that you're not, but that's one part of the equation. And that's the part that all of these resources and most people try to solve for you is the technical part. You're trying to grow a business, they're like, I'm gonna show you technically how the Facebook algorithm works. I'm gonna technically show you what to post. I'm gonna technically uh give you these questions that you can ask your client. There's a difference, right? Because some problems will be solved technically and some problems won't, because we call those adaptive challenges.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Adaptive challenges are solved by how somebody thinks. So it's what's going on under the surface.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

I like to think about this as like our internal software upgrade. I don't know how many of you guys are as old as I am, but like when Windows 95 came out, and then the new Windows came out, you were still stuck on Windows 95. You were not running any of the programs. Okay. One of the things I forgot to mention is um, so I I worked for the Los Angeles Police Department for about 20 years before I get to got to do what I do now as as uh as a coach and leader. And we had Windows 95 for like ever. And it would take literally 10 minutes to like be able to type information out. It was terrible. And so when you're doing dealing with outdated software, it doesn't matter what the technical aspects of it are. You actually can't get yourself to do it, to do it consistently, to do it with high energy. We're gonna walk through some of those different steps today. But it's one of those things where um, if you can convince yourself not to do it, your brain will do that for you. Does this beautiful thing called thinking? And until we realize we have a choice on that, on which thoughts we actually focus our time and attention on, which ones we don't, kind of feels like the outside world kind of dictates it, right? Now, when we think about adaptive challenges, adaptive challenges are things that are on the inside. Okay. This is the way that we think. Okay. Now, by the way, if you haven't listened to, so we have a podcast, Teresa and I have a podcast. And we talked about this, the difference between the inside and the outside, right? Some people will share like um uh if you want the outside to change, the inside needs to change first. And do you know what the first question is that people tell me is? What does that mean? I think of that like theory, but what does that actually look like? So we actually talked about that on the podcast, right? Um, but when we think about like the inside versus the outside, the outside is the technical stuff, what to do. The inside is actually the way that you think about it, the way that you process things, your perspective, the stories that you tell yourself. Now, like I said before, most people try to solve technical challenges. They're here to kind of like mentor you, to give you advice and to give you direction. But what happens if you're giving advice and direction for somebody? And by the way, I gotta tell you, like I did this for the first six years of me coaching. I thought it was coaching. I was giving advice, I was mentoring. So if you're doing that, I want to make sure that we remove any shame from that because we didn't know any different. I didn't know any different. I still help some people, just not as many as I wanted to at the time. Because when you're giving advice, you're trying to solve a technical problem. But what if they actually have an adaptive one, right? A different way of thinking about it. And that's what we're gonna talk about today. We're gonna talk about both of these things. Now, before we do, I want to make sure that you guys grasp this concept, okay? This is

Weight Loss Stories That Stall Action

SPEAKER_01 7:30

a concept that we talk about uh inside of our High Impact Mastery Academy, and people need to really understand this before they start getting into the deeper dive of the things that we do. So, what are some of the adaptive challenges that people can have around losing weight?

SPEAKER_00 7:42

I'm not good at working out. I'm not strong enough.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

Do you remember like um I remember when I first started working out, um, there was a lot of people that I would help, and a lot of women were like, I don't want to be bulky. Like if I lift weights, I'm gonna be super bulky. That was a story they were telling themselves of like if they lift weights, you know. I'm lazy, I'm not disciplined, 100%. I'm not motivated. Yes, that's a big one. I don't have the time. Emmanuel hit it and I hit that one, that one used to knock me out of the park all the time, man. I don't have the time. I'll tell you a story about that a little bit. I have no willpower. Yes. I'm not disciplined enough. Here's one. I'm gonna share this with you. Everybody used to uh likes to laugh around this. I am just big boned.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

That's how my family is.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Just can you see how much power I give away in that scenario? It's just the way it is. God made me this way, right? It's just one of those things where a story that I was telling myself because it was protecting me, right, from doing all the hard things of being able to navigate weight loss. Can we agree that it's not easy? Especially as you get older, I'm like 48 going on 49 now. It isn't as easy as it was when it was when I was 18, 19, right? Have you guys ever thought about this? Like how many times we approach something new, right? Something that we've never done before, and we actually pull our past and we make it our future.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

Is that crazy? Or like because this happened in the past, that means that it must happen in the future.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Those things were never supposed to be connected. They were never supposed to be connected. Right now, you could do something you've never done before. Can we agree? Has nothing to do with your past. You could do something else entirely different, right? That's what happens when we feel like we have that power and that control, right? And yes, it's always the brain trying to keep us safe. You guys are getting this. Now let's talk about one more area, okay?

Business Growth Myths And Mindset

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Growing your business, okay? Let's say you're growing your business. What are some of the technical things that you guys have heard in terms of like some of the challenges that could come up when it comes to growing your business, making an impact, helping more people? What are some of the technical things?

SPEAKER_00 9:57

How do I get clients? Money. I'm not a social media person. I'm not good with technology. I need business cards first. I need my website. I need to know how to post on social media. My kids don't like me taking pictures of them, so how am I gonna be able to do that? I'm not a content creator. How do you find more followers? Right? These are all the hows. And you guys, can we all agree that all of these can be solved by just a simple Google search? So why don't people do that? Because it's not necessarily a technical challenge.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Now tell me, when you think about adaptive challenges, what what are some adaptive challenges that could come up around growing a business? And try not to give me too many here, okay? What are some of the adaptive challenges?

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Some of the things that our brain tells us that um make it feel so real that actually we don't even do any of the technical stuff. I'm not good enough. I don't know enough people. I've tried so many times, it's never worked. I'm too shy. Yep. What are people gonna think about me?

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Yeah, that's a tough one, right? Like, what are people gonna think about me? Now the question is, like, which people are you talking to? Are you referring to the people who are gonna love you and actually go all in and have their lives changed? Or are you thinking about the people who are like the naysayers, the the Aunt Betty's who are like, what? Why are you doing that? You should go to school and do this and this and this, right? I don't know who Aunt Betty is, but if you guys have an Aunt Betty, I'm not talking about her, okay? I promise. All right. But yeah, it's like this whole idea of like, what are people gonna think about me, right? Are we thinking about like what are the right people gonna think about you? Or are you thinking about what are the wrong people gonna think about you, right? It's just a different, different way of thinking about it. Um, no one wants what I have to offer. 100%. 100%. The um these are all the different challenges that you guys can face, right? So, so the reason why I wanted to spend some time here is because I wanted you to see, like before we actually get into figuring out the type of problem that you have, I want you to be able to see the two different types, the technical stuff and the adaptive stuff. Now, the truth is, is usually it's a mixture of both. Okay, it's a mixture of both. But if all you do is try to solve the technical part of it and you can't get yourself to take action, it's not because you're broken, it's not because you're not good enough, it's not because of whatever else your brain is telling you, right? It's because we're trying to solve the wrong problem. And if we had some conversations, we got a little bit deeper, we could find what that is. And then we can like really pull it out. I jumped on a call with Julie a few days ago, um, having a beautiful conversation. And now I go to her social media and she is her energy is next level. She always has good energy. But the things that she has been sharing, I'm like, yes. Same thing with Heather. Have a conversation with her. Now there's this beautiful program that she's put together with Amy, and like they're just like their podcast is really taking off. And it's not me. It's just that I showed her, like, hey, this is maybe the problem you thought you had. What if it was this one? She was like, oh my gosh, right? This is really what happens is like when you see the actual problem, you actually get inspired. You get excited. You see your that you actually start taking action, right? Then we got to figure out what's the next thing that comes up, right? That our brain will tell us. But it's really being able to see these as two distinct problems, the technical and the adaptive. Okay. Now, I want to give you a real quick example that like um can get you to see how these work in synergy. But also, I'm gonna ask you some questions related to your specific problem that you brought here today, whether it's yours or somebody else's that you're guiding them through, right? So I want to give you an example. Let's say you're starting to start a podcast, right? You're Heather and Amy, and you're like, we're gonna start a podcast. Okay. Some of the technical things you might want to know is like, which microphone do I get? Okay. Um, this guy named Mark, he knows somebody named Kurt who knows how to do all the editing. How do I take that editing off my plate? Right? Technical, right? What, like, what should I have uh in terms of the outlines? What's the name of our show gonna be?

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Who are we gonna help serve? How are we gonna help serve them?

SPEAKER_01 14:23

These are all things that like we want to have a conversation around, right? Technical stuff. But what are some of the adaptive challenges they could go through if they're trying to record a podcast?

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Who am I to say this? Who's gonna listen to me?

SPEAKER_01 14:36

This is just a waste of time.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Why are we even doing this?

SPEAKER_01 14:40

We don't have a big following. All of these like things that we can tell our ourselves, right? But when you figure out what the actual problem is, and you figure out, okay, maybe the adaptive thing is what's driving me to not take action on the technical, I kind of I feel like what we do is we kind of like um we remove obstacles from people taking action.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

Do you guys know how you find out the right actions? You take action. It's a beautiful teacher. That didn't work. Let's try something else. That one worked. Let's go try that.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Right? But you can't if you're if your um your brain is kind of like getting in the way, right? So here's what I want you guys to do, okay? We talked about the difference between these two problems, the technical and adaptive. I want you to look back at the challenge that we talked about in the beginning, right? I know some of you guys just popped in. So, what we're talking about is like, why did you come here? Did you come here for yourself? Did you come here for somebody else you're leading or you're coaching or trying to inspire? And then when you think about like that person, I want you to think about what's a challenge either that you're going through or a challenge that they brought you that you'd like to work through today. Now, for those of you guys who are here, I want you to think about like what part of this could be technical and what part of it could be adaptive.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

So, what I'm gonna do right now is I'm gonna put some music on. I'm gonna do it for about 45 seconds. I want you to copy and paste that. What part could be technical? And I want you to give me some of the technical reasons why that that challenge could be. What technically would could you um uh learn or know that would help you to be able to overcome it? And then I want you to think about what part of this could be an adaptive? Maybe it's some of the stories you tell yourself. So let's say they're trying to help their clients, all right? Women who are going through um perimenopause and they're trying to figure things out, right? They feel like they're burning themselves out, burning themselves, like like burning from the candle from both ends, right? And you can might think like, okay, what are they technically? What are some of the technical aspects of things? For them, they'll do like blood work to see what the numbers tell them, see what the hormones are, see like what uh other other kind of indicators of like um where they're at, right? So when you think about some of the technical things that their clients could deal with, it's like some of the some of that stuff. But what are some of the adaptive challenges they can go through? What if they are thinking about this, but then they find out like it costs money and they're like, well, I can't take from my family. If I do this, I'm taking from my family. And so they convince themselves that they can't do anything around this because like it's it's gonna be like just like they're taking from their kids' mouths, right? These are all different ways that your brain can convince you not to do the thing that literally would have allowed you to give even more to them. Like I, it's it's you can you guys can see it when you guide people through it. It's just so hard to see it when you're going through it yourself. I need to say that again. Because when you have gone through it and you see people who go through it, right? When you reach out and you say, Hey, well, what would you like this to be? They usually ask for technical things, right? But you guys both know it's the adaptive challenges that really stall people, not the technical ones. They help, they drastically help. But the technical ones by themselves aren't gonna help by themselves, right? Being able to see that these are adaptive, right? Um, so Natalie wrote, um, not good with technology. Yeah, so being able to think like through, well, technically, if somebody sat down and taught taught me technology, I'd be good, right? If somebody taught me how to do Zoom, all that kind of stuff. But like some of the things that that we could uh find our adaptive challenges come up, is like uh I'm not experienced enough to help people, right? That is like our brain going, are you sure you can help them? Like you may be wasting their time or they might be wasting your time or any of those other stories and perspectives that our brains focus on. Because, like we were saying earlier, it keeps us safe, right? Because if we can get ourselves to believe not to do that, we don't have to waste our time with working out, coaching people, helping people solve problems, any of that kind of stuff, because that's hard work. You know it's not hard work? Convincing yourself not to do it.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

It's kind of easy work, right? Because it gives us like the out.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

Ooh, somebody wrote a novel. It had to be Lisa. It was getting experience and personal training so I can better grow my business. Technical, yep. Finding out where people are hiring, how do I find new clients? Um, how do I actually work with a why closer to like get them to see like the power that I can bring them if I join their team? Like these are all the how stuff, right? The adaptive is having the self-confidence to reach out, have conversations like at work where you're like, I gotta separate, I gotta separate work from from my business, right? I'm like, well, you don't have to separate work from helping people because that's what you do. You just help people, right? It's different than just bringing, thinking that you're bringing, you know, business into your work environment. You're just helping people, just doing the best that you can. So much practice that I got from coaching was with LAPD. Just tell me what when when you get into a situation where generally you don't want to, they people don't want you to be there. They don't call you because they necessarily want you to be there. Most of them are like, why are you here? I don't want. So when you get really good at being able to do this, being able to ask questions, being able to connect with people on a deeper level and see some of these things, it it taught me so much about coaching, even before I knew what coaching was. It's because I was just helping, just doing whatever I can in that in that situation, right? So these are all different ways. Tina says, I'm working on posting more B-roll content. Yeah. So um technically, like, okay, what do you say on the B-roll? Where do you put the camera? Like, how many times do you walk back and forth before you end it? How do you, how do you edit it together, right? These are all things that believe it or not, we could all learn, right? We could learn. And there's no reason not to learn some of this if you want to try something new. But if some of the adaptive challenges either aren't getting you to do that, maybe, maybe the adaptive challenge is like, I'm just gonna write what ChatGPT is, uh ChatGPT says, and I'm not gonna write what comes up in my heart. Because if I say the things and it comes out of my heart, maybe people are gonna take it wrong. Or maybe it's not gonna work as well. Uh let me tell you, make it yourself. It'll work way better than a robot or ChatGPT. I love ChatGPT. It's amazing, but it cannot replace you. Do not allow it to replace you. It can supplement you, it can help you. Um Teresa likes the joke that I write too many commas when I write. She's 100% right. Even when I wrote my book, I wrote too many commas. So it helps me with that, right? But when it comes to like being able to utilize this in a way that um takes kind of like uh uh um your beautiful power away from it, like we want to ask ourselves, huh? Is that an adaptive challenge?

unknown 21:32

Right?

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Am I afraid of being me when in reality there's only one me in the whole world and people come to me because of me? They come to me because of me, because of my energy, because of how I show up, right? This is some of the adaptive challenges that you could you could run into, right? Okay, thank you for sharing that, guys. So here's what we're gonna do next.

Three Questions To Diagnose Stuckness

SPEAKER_01 21:52

We're gonna actually um go through a real quick process on how to actually find out what's actually running under the surface. Okay. Is this technical? Is it adaptive? I'm going to give you some questions. Okay. So a lot of people do ask, they get to this point, they're like, okay, so how do you actually find out what's going on? First off, you can't guess it. Okay. You can't guess it. And neither can they. So generally, they're going to think that they have a specific problem. Please do not believe them. I like to say this all the time is like, as a coach and a leader, your job is to not believe the other person's limitations. You want to believe in them more than they believe in their limitations.

unknown 22:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Because they're going to bring you some of those things. Now, through our process, we teach something called the growth model. Okay. It's something that we can actually utilize to help identify whether it's an adaptive and technical challenge and also help solve both. But that takes a while to be able to learn. But what we're going to do today is I'm going to give you a very quick um start so that you can get started today. Okay. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you some questions that you can ask yourself if this is a challenge you're going through, or also questions that you can ask somebody else if they're going through this challenge. Because remember, we don't guess. We don't guess whether what their problem is or how to help solve them. We have to ask them questions, right? So when we are in this situation, this scenario, and we're thinking about, okay, this is the challenge that I have, whether it's health, business, relationships, whatever it is, right? I want you to think about like, okay, what is my goal in this situation? What is my goal? What do I want to be able to achieve? So if you're thinking about business, you're like, okay, I want to be able to help impact more women who are going through this, who their doctors are giving them the runaround, and they need somebody to listen to them and actually get to the root of what's going on. They're like, awesome. Okay. So now we're going to use that frame in terms of what you want in that scenario to ask ourselves three questions or to ask your client three questions, right? The first question to identify if it's adaptive or technical is are you taking action toward that goal? Now, when I say are you taking action towards that goal, what I mean is the needle movers. The things that actually move that forward. Building a website, believe it or not, is not a needle mover for your business. Having conversations with real humans, and when you notice that you can help them, offering to help them, that is a needle mover, right? So you've got to ask yourself, am I taking actions towards my goal? The needle movers? If you want to get more connected to your kids, are you putting time on the calendar to actually have a conversation, to play, to go, you know, do a puzzle with them or to play with them in a one-on-one atmosphere? So asking yourself, am I taking action towards my goal? If you are, we're going to continue to the next question. But if you find that you're not taking action or your client's not taking action, a great way to like open this up is to ask, why do you think, or what do you think is stopping you from taking action?

SPEAKER_00 24:52

What do you think is stopping you from taking action? Action, action.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

And by the way, whatever their answer is, it's an adaptive challenge. They're going to tell you, probably technically, because they need to know what to do or all that kind of stuff. Generally, it's an adaptive challenge because an adaptive challenge will help you take action and you'll figure it out afterwards. Okay. But if they say that they're taking action, we move on to the next one.

SPEAKER_00 25:20

And that is, are you taking action from a high energy state? Has anybody else ever been in the MLM space before?

SPEAKER_01 25:32

Probably a lot of us, right? In the MLM space, I remember when I was being mentored, they were kind of telling me, like, I need to reach out and connect with 20 people a day. And I had to check the box. And I had to do that. And if I did that, I'm going to be making an impact and I'm going to make a huge impact in the world, right? But when I was doing that, all I was doing was checking the box, copying and pasting messages, randomly like putting it all over. I wasn't, I wasn't thinking about the people that I'm going to impact. I wasn't like looking at some of the stuff that they have going on. I wasn't seeing if they were going to be a good fit for somebody that I could help. And so when I think about like taking action, action is awesome. But if you take action and it's in a low energy state, it's not going to get you the results that you want.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

I've actually found it that somebody who's taking the right action with the wrong energy a lot of times doesn't get any results. And here's what's irritating. Some people are taking the wrong action with the right energy. Sometimes they get results. And it'll piss you off.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

You're like, are you serious? They said that and somebody actually decided to do it so much of what we do is related to energy. And so when we ask each other, or when we ask ourselves, like, okay, am I taking action? Good, if it's a yes. And if it is, am I taking it from a high energy state?

SPEAKER_00 27:01

Am I excited about it? Am I looking at the impact I'm about to make in this person's life? Can you imagine if I came on this call and I'm like, hey guys, what's up? You ready to go? You guys are all been gone already, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:22

No, I've got to think about like, what am I about to do? I'm about to like give clarity to people who really deserve it. People out in the world making an impact, leaders. They need me on my A game. And when I remind myself of that, my energy comes through so much so that I can make a million mistakes. If you listen to our podcast, you'll hear some of them. And still people show up. As a matter of fact, they show up and they go, that was amazing. That was so funny when you said that, right? And it's because energy is really important. So when you think about asking yourself, okay, am I taking action? Good.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

Now is it in a high energy state? If it is, then we keep going. But if it's not, one of the questions I love to ask people is if you had to rate yourself on a scale of one to ten, what was your action or your energy level this week and why? So if you had to rate yourself on a scale of one to ten, what do you think your energy level was this week and why? Whatever they tell you will generally be an adaptive challenge, even if they share that it's a um technical one.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

By the way, a lot of these, like I said before, they're both adaptive and technical, but remember we gotta we've gotta get ourselves to work through the adaptive challenge so we can even try a technical one.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

Now, for those of you who are like, Mark, I'm taking action and I'm taking it in a high energy state, right? Let's say you're health and fitness. You're like, I'm working out. I'm going to hot Pilates, which is crazy, by the way. Pilates by itself is hard enough. And then add hot to that, you'd be crazy like Amy, okay? I'm going to hot Pilates and I'm literally bringing my A game, taking my pre-workout, got my chai latte, I am good to go. Next level, right? The next question that I would ask her is Have you given it enough time?

SPEAKER_00 29:20

If you're telling me you're taking action and it's on the needle movers and your energy is really high, then I would ask you, have you given it enough time?

SPEAKER_01 29:31

If I'm having a conversation and it's with Tina and she's been doing it for two years, that is enough time. She's gonna be like, I've been doing this for a long time. And if that's the case, more than likely, it is a technical thing to work on. There might be some adaptive things that are preventing you from doing the new technical, but the technical place is where you want to go. So you're taking action towards the kneel movers, your energy is high, and you've given enough time, you're more than likely dealing with a technical challenge. Try something different. Keep doing kneel movers, keep giving your energy to it, but also try something different. And when I say try something different, um, a lot of people come to me for this, especially coaches. They're like, uh, social media, uh, do I really have to grow that way? I'm like, well, based off of what you're telling me, I would suggest you don't grow that way because that energy isn't gonna work. But also, a lot of the coaches that I work with, they find a lot of clients off of social media. Having conversations with people. I've had coaches find people at like the grocery store. Okay. It's like, when you think about like what we do really exceptionally well, you know what it is?

SPEAKER_00 30:52

We have conversations with humans. Real ones. It's what separates us from the rest of the world. We're actually okay with it.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

Some of us are introverts, we have to go hide afterwards. Present, present, but in the moment, I am going to be there physically, mentally, and emotionally. I can't do that on a social media post. I try to do that a little bit on a podcast. It's a little bit more of like a connection piece. It's not as easy on a DM. So sometimes what we do is we accidentally handcuff ourselves because we think everybody else has to do it this way. But in reality, our way, the way that lights us up, would be the thing that moves the needle. And so when you think about technical, let's say you're showing up, you're doing all these things, it's amazing. But like, let's say workshops or podcasts or social media is not working for you, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

It just means that you haven't found your thing yet. Gotta keep looking. You gotta keep trying. Now, if you're like, uh, I actually haven't been giving it enough time.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

I don't know about you guys. This is one thing that uh Teresa loves about me. And that is like, if I have been doing it for a week and it isn't working yet, I'm like, maybe I should change this. She's like, maybe you shouldn't. Maybe we need to give it 90 days, right? Because sometimes I want like instant, right? It's like we just changed this. Why isn't everybody showing up, right? Why is it why why aren't my kids getting up when it's time to get up all of a sudden because I gave them a good speech yesterday, right? It's like, okay, change takes time, right? And so in that scenario, here's what I would like you to ask, all right? So if you find that you're taking energy doing the action movers in a high energy state, but you find that you're not giving it enough action, I want you to actually find out how long that that realistically would be for you. So I would say, what amount of time would feel like you gave this a fair shot? So what amount of time? So you're doing this thing. What amount of time do you think it would take in order to be able to achieve what you want to achieve?

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Did you guys notice that I didn't tell them what amount of time? I don't tell people things in this respect.

SPEAKER_01 33:13

Because if I tell them, they're not gonna be bought into it. But if Julie's like three months, three months of doing this consistently with my energy high, that's gonna be enough time. I'm like, I'm all in. Let's keep going. All right? Now we've taken that off the table. Do you know what Julie's brain doesn't do? Be bogged down by should I stop this?

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Should I start it? She's already decided. You know what her brain does now? How can I make this work? Do you know how much power you have in your brain? And so many times we actually use it against us instead of for us.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

Because you're focused on how much time should I give this? I don't know if this is working. You actually can't think of new strategies.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

You feel like, ah, I feel like I'm stuck.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

But the beautiful part is like you could actually use that amazing, beautiful brain of yours to actually get out there to try new things to be creative. And by the way, this typically comes to us in the times when we're not taxing our brain.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

I don't know about you guys, but in the shower, ours have the best ideas. Seriously.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

I'm like, and Teresa will look over when she gets out. She's like, no, now's not the time to tell me this new idea. I'm like, but I got this great idea. Because like it's a time where I actually get a chance to rest and I'm not doing everything or helping put out fires or any of these other kinds of things, right? So even in those spaces, I'm able to like really think deeper, right? But you can't do that if you're constantly, uh, your brain is constantly focused on what's broken, wrong, or missing, right? Now, these are a way that you can guide yourself, but guide someone

Fit The Solution To The Person

SPEAKER_01 35:00

else to find out if it's an adaptive or technical challenge, right? Now, there's one more piece that I want to put together, actually, two mini pieces, but one piece that I want to put together to make sure that you guys like understand like what do you do from here? Okay. I kind of like alluded to it. And that is when you're having a conversation with somebody, whether it's yourself or with somebody else, like you've got to make sure that the solution actually fits the person. And how you do that is you're not the one who's kind of like pointing it out. It's them who's being able to share this stuff with you, right?

SPEAKER_00 35:34

Because handing somebody something is the reason why advice doesn't work.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

Because we're running it through our own. Oh, I I'm a I dealt with this. So here's the technical solution to it. And when we do that, we actually we we fail to actually pull out of the person the amazing, beautiful ideas that are inside their brain. I think we talk about this on the podcast. When my kids were little, when they were little, uh, we were starting a YouTube channel. And they were like, I don't know, Teresa, like 10 or 11. And I'm like, I'm I'm beating my head against the wall. Like, what should I do here? And like our 10-year-old is like, oh, you should do this. I'm like, what? Hold on, let me write this down. And and he came up with like this thumbnail. He's like, you should do your thumbnails like this. I'm like, you're 10. How in the world? Because that's their environment. Like, they would watch YouTube, they'd watch like different things. And you're like, oh, yeah, you should do that. And I'm like, that is amazing. And I never asked you. I never even asked you for that, right? And so so many times there's so much beautiful answers inside of other people. We just have to be willing to ask the questions. It's very hard for you, which is why I encourage you to find somebody else to ask you the questions. Because typically your brain will ask not so good questions. What's wrong with me? Why isn't this working? Why aren't people listening? All terrible questions. There's no, there's no um generative or positive answers to that, right? And so we have to be really, really clear of that. All right. So when we think about this, I want you to think about this one is like being able to help people by asking them questions to help pull out the beautifulness that's inside of them, not your answers. Okay. So I want you to ask yourself one of these questions. If what you have in terms of your challenge today has to do with helping somebody else. I want to ask yourself this first question. I'll share it in a minute. And if what you're going through is a challenge around yourself, I want you to ask yourself this second question. Okay. So only one of the questions, depending on who you're if you're trying to work your own problem, second question, somebody else's problem, the first one. Okay. The first one is for you, is where have you been handing them the answer instead of helping them find their own?

SPEAKER_00 37:53

Where have you been handing them your answer instead of helping them find theirs?

SPEAKER_01 38:02

The one for you, if you're actually the one going through this, is where have you found yourself looking for technical answers?

SPEAKER_00 38:08

And you actually haven't slowed down to consider whether it's even an adaptive challenge. So where have you found yourself looking for the technical answers? Because that's what our brain will do.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

The first time you fail on your workout, do you know what you're gonna do? Go find another one. Think it's the workout. You know what the first time you fail in your nutrition plan, what you're gonna do? It's gotta be the nutrition plan. There's a different one out there, right? Or, and I think it's one that's actually a little bit even uh uh harsher, we start beating ourselves up, going, see, I told you I couldn't do this. Yep, just this is just it. I'm never gonna be able to do this. And then we buy into that adaptive challenge, right?

SPEAKER_00 38:51

So I want you to become aware of that, is which one am I dealing with? But also am I taking the time to slow down and actually consider it.

SPEAKER_01 39:01

Now, one more piece that I want to put together, okay, and then I'll walk through everything that we did today so you guys can see what your plan is, okay? Is I like to call this the glue that holds it all together. Now, if your um your challenge has to do with like other people and helping them through what they're going through, I want you to think about this related to them. Because if you really want to set them up for success, you want to make sure that you do what I'm about to share. But if you're working through a challenge, I want to make sure you lean into something like this

Inner Circle And Three Levels Of Reach

SPEAKER_01 39:30

because it's gonna help you overcome that challenge. Okay. Now, some of you guys know John Maxwell, right? Have you heard of John Maxwell before?

unknown 39:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:39

Now, John Maxwell, he talks about the um the law of the inner circle. You ever heard about that? This is what he says, and this is how much clarity he has with it.

SPEAKER_00 39:50

He says a leader's potential is determined by those closest to them. A leader's potential is determined by those closest to them. When people hear that Teresa and I focus on self-leadership, they think that what self-leadership means is isolation. That is the furthest from the truth. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:17

When we think about this whole adage of the five people you spend the most time with, all right, the reason why that's so important is because the people that you're around are eventually going to make their actions and behaviors and thoughts feel normal to you. But if you hang around people who have excuses, gossiping, talking negatively about people, do you know what's going to happen?

SPEAKER_00 40:46

It's like a force of nature.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

You could know everything about coaching in the subconscious mind and still can't work against it. It's what happens. We're humans, we're made to want to connect with each other, meet them where they're at. But you know what's also beautiful is if you're in an environment where there's breakthroughs that are happening, people have big goals, people are stretching themselves, people are coaching themselves, people are doing things scared.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

You know what's going to happen? That's gonna be normal for you.

SPEAKER_01 41:22

How many of you guys have ever been in an environment like this? Or maybe you're currently in an environment like this, where you're like, the stuff that I used to do, I I do something way different now.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

And it's the norm. It's just who I am now. Now I want to give you you some credit for it because you chose that environment. But have you slowed down and actually thought about like how thankful you are to have that environment? That doesn't happen by accident. Sometimes we have to be very like picky and choosy over who we hang out with.

SPEAKER_01 41:56

Gotta tell you, back when I was a police officer, hanging out in police circles, becoming a better father and a better husband and growing a business was not the conversations that they were having. And so thankfully, I started to understand what we're what like this this inner law of inner circle tells us. And so I started to intentionally surround myself with other people who did value that stuff. And then what's funny is like the the other people kind of like, I don't know if they got pushed away, but they just stopped showing up. And then the environment that I was in, like just started to become my norm. And that's just who I am. And then people a lot of times are like, how do you get yourself to do that? I'm like, because of the environment that I'm in. I make sure I continue to stay in this environment. Now, when we talk about this, the average of the five people you you spend the most time with, we actually released a podcast today. It's it's it's not as simple as that, too. Because sometimes people will like just take that and go, okay, the five people you spend the most time with. But the way that my brain works is I want to tactically know how I can actually do this, implement it, and get like not only the best results possible, but be able to help even more people. And so I have I had a mentor who taught me this whole idea of what he calls the three levels of reach. And I want to guide you through this right now because uh your people could really use this. And if you don't have something like this, you can really utilize it too. Thanks, Lisa. So the reason why we call it the three levels of reach is because there's three levels that you want to be reaching constantly so that you are continuing to grow and to show up as the best version of you. Okay. The best version of you. The first one is reaching down. Okay. So we want to reach down. Now, when I say down, like we are all humans, we have the same amount of worth. Like God put us on this planet. Everybody is is has the equal amount of worth. Nobody's better or worse or anything than anybody else. Okay. When I say reach down, I mean somebody to a lower level of growth than you. Somebody who's maybe a few steps behind you. So if you're working in the health and fitness space, you are lifting people up. Who maybe are struggling with health and fitness to your level. Okay. If you're in the business space, you're helping people who are maybe a few steps behind you try to get to where you are. Okay. If you're in the parenting space, you're helping people who are maybe struggling with parenting and maybe a few steps below you. Okay. And what we do is we're lifting them up to us. Now, one of the issues that we can run into is I find that a lot of people, 90 to 95% of people, all they're doing is reaching down. And if you're the average of the five people, what happens when they bring you frustrations, excuses, um, things like that, it can start to creep into you too. And so just hanging out by reaching down is not what I believe a servant leader does.

SPEAKER_00 44:46

It's one of the things they do, but they do two other things too. Number two is they reach out. This is with a group of people who are at or around a similar level to you.

SPEAKER_01 45:01

This is like for places where you can be honest, where you can share what's really going on, where you can be held accountable, where you can have conversations. Sometimes we call them jumping in the pool as a coach. It's like, this is what happened with my client. They're like, well, that sucks. You need to have some of these conversations from time to time. Okay. And it's being able to have a place to be able to do that. So reaching out to other people who are at or around your same level of growth. Now, what reaching out is not, and I'll make sure you don't get trapped in this, is you don't reach out in terms of helping guide yourself through problems or challenges you're going through. I found this happens a lot where like people get together and they're being held accountable by each other and then they're trying to solve each other's problems with the same level of thinking. Anybody ever have accountability? They're like, ah, I can't I can't get myself to work out. And somebody else is like, I can't get myself to work out. They're like, I can't get myself to work out. They're like, let's get together and form an accountability group. And I'm like, that's the worst idea ever. Like, you gotta have somebody in there that's like a few steps ahead of you guys. You guys are all gonna buy into your stories and you're gonna get trapped, right? But it sounds good in the moment. And the intention is like, we're gonna do this together. And I'm like, I wish you the best of luck, but I'll be here. Like if things happen, you wanna, you, you wanna actually be able to reach up, right? And so when we're reaching out, there's a very specific reason why we do, but we don't reach out to help people solve problems, our problems, or our challenges. Okay. Yeah, we can get ideas and strategies from it, but remember, people at that level, they're thinking around the same level that you are.

SPEAKER_00 46:34

The last one is to reach up, okay? So what you're doing when you reach up is you're reaching up to somebody a few steps ahead of you, somebody who's been through it.

SPEAKER_01 46:46

Not somebody who's perfect, by the way. So please make sure we erase that because guess what? People are reaching up to you. You don't have to be perfect. You do have to be a few steps ahead, okay? And this isn't, by the way, just learning for the things for you to do, the technical things. It's more importantly because you need to learn how to think to get to your next level.

SPEAKER_00 47:07

Not what to do, but what to think. Question for you, so this really hits.

SPEAKER_01 47:15

If you owned a million-dollar business and you reached out to somebody today and they said, Yeah, this isn't a good fit for me, how would you react or respond in that situation compared to maybe how you would now? Let me tell you, somebody who has a multi-million dollar business is like, okay, this is just not the right person or the right time. Let's find somebody else to talk to so I can help them.

SPEAKER_00 47:40

That is a different way of thinking. But also think about how many more people you would help if you can get to that level. A lot. A lot more people.

SPEAKER_01 47:51

Because when we first get started, we make things mean stuff about us when they weren't supposed to mean stuff about us. Remember, it's not about us, it's about them, their scenario, their situation. Even if they have a quote-unquote limiting belief and they've talked themselves out of doing it. That's not on you. And so when we go through these kind of like scenarios and we have somebody to reach up to, we know somebody's a few steps ahead of us. But there's one more thing that somebody who reaching up does for you. And I want to make sure that you like give them a big hug when they do this. Amy knows what I'm about to talk about. And that is when somebody challenges you and calls you forward.

SPEAKER_00 48:30

You tell them, well, matter of fact, this is what happened. Okay. And then the person goes, I hear that. But I think there's another level inside of you.

SPEAKER_01 48:41

I think that in this scenario, you might be pointing to the outside and you don't realize how powerful you really are. What would the best version of you say? What would the version of you that is showing up on her A game, impacting women like this for generations? Like being like the generational chainbreaker. What does that person have to say about this? Let me tell you, usually your friends won't have the balls to do that. I don't even know if balls is the right word. They won't have the the tenacity to go, you know what? I'm gonna call this person forward because I see their potential inside of them. I see what is possible for them. A lot of times they like to not ruffle feathers. But let me tell you, when you have somebody that you can reach up to who believes in you more sometimes than you believe in yourself, and they're not saying that to ridicule you, but they're saying that because they're like, I believe in you. I'm not gonna let you not believe in you.

SPEAKER_00 49:37

There's a different level of energy that happens there.

SPEAKER_01 49:42

Now, when you think about these three levels of reach, I want you to think about which of these levels, for me, if if you are the person who's going through this challenge, which level do you need to add right now?

SPEAKER_00 49:55

Do you need to start reaching out? You need to find some somebody to reach up to? Do you need to start reaching down? Maybe you stop that. Maybe you convince yourself not to. Now, if you're helping other people, I want to ask you, like, how do you have your their three levels of reach set up? Do you know what happens if you forget to reach down? You forget how far you've come. I don't care where you are. You've come far. You may not see it. You may not think it because you're going through and climbing a mountain right now. But you 100% have come far.

SPEAKER_01 50:37

And you discount that when you stop reason reaching down. So it doesn't matter if you feel like you're crushing it in an area or not crushing it. One of the best ways that I've always learned is to teach other people with things that I'm going through, because it helps just pull out the best in me. It helps me stay accountable, helps me take that action. Because I'm like, if I'm giving them advice, I better be taking it myself.

SPEAKER_00 50:58

And that's one of the greatest gifts that you can give is for you to reach down. So here's what we've gone through today, guys.

SPEAKER_01 51:06

I know it was a lot, and you guys will have this replay to be able to look at. We talked about the two different types of problems that people can deal with, adaptive and technical. Maybe some of you guys came here, you're like, I didn't even know there were two different types of problems. I just thought there was a problem. Well, it's important to understand what the problem is because then you can find the solution. Number two is we looked at a challenge either that you brought for yourself or somebody else that you're trying to help. Okay. So we can get a little bit more clear. We don't know actually what they're going through until we have a conversation. And sometimes you don't really know what you're going through until you actually have a conversation with somebody who can spot it too. But we started to get a little bit more clear about it. Number three, then we learned that we actually have to help other people find their answers. It's after they're done having this conversation and finding out what's actually going on that we can do some mentoring because there is some things that you can actually share. But we never want them to think that there's one right, best-only way to do it. And if we tell people from the beginning what to do, that's what they kind of feel. So there's one way to do it. I don't know about you guys, but I found a million ways to lose weight. A million ways to be able to grow a business, right? It's about finding our way. And the last one is like, how do we hold this all together and keep growing? Well, you focus on the law of the inner circle by finding your three levels of reach: up, down, and out. Okay. And if you're doing this for other people, ask yourself, how do I create that environment for them? A lot of times when people think they they they put their clients into like a programs like this, they forget about down. Have their clients do that. Have your clients do that. Have them reach down to maybe somebody a few levels behind them. You will notice that when they show up, they will be on fire. Okay? But you gotta

Recap And High Impact Mastery Invite

SPEAKER_01 52:50

make sure that you have those three levels down, out, and up. Today, we hit on the surface of what we teach in what's called the High Impact Mastery Academy. Okay. What the high impact mastery academy is this is really what we call our high performance program, right? This actually teaches high performers how to think. Because at every level, as you keep elevating yourself, you got to start thinking differently. You have to start approaching things differently. And this is, yes, it's it's for you because we always start in the foundation of leading yourself, but it's also how to guide people through this, to actually find out the technical and adaptive challenges and help them rewrite it so they never have to deal with it again. It isn't a one-day workshop where I would have given it to you guys. It's actually seven months. The reason why seven months is because you need to practice, you need to get feedback, you need to be in the three levels of reach where you're reaching out to people, coaching them and practicing them. You're reaching out to other people in the program and they're going through it with you, and you're reaching up to me, Teresa, and the master coaches. And when you're in that environment of the three levels of reach, you will look up seven months and you will go, I have transformed myself into an entirely different human. And it's amazing because every area gets touched. All right. If that's something that anybody is interested in, you can either reach out. I'm actually going to put a link here that has the details. We start next weekend, September 5th. Um, or you can reach out to me, send me a reply to an email, I'll jump on a call, have a conversation, whatever we need to do. I always want to make sure that you're the right fit for the program. All right, guys. Um, I appreciate you guys for leaning in. Thank you for giving me 75 minutes of your time. I hope this was helpful. Being able to see this from a um a different perspective, being able to see what the actual problem could be, it's gonna make you so much more self-aware, but also so much more aware when you're having conversations with people. Because one of the worst things that you can do is assume. Assume you know their problem, assume you know what they're going through because you don't. You have to be able to get curious, ask those questions, get deep in, and then figure out what's actually going on so that you can really help them. And remember, at the end, it's not about telling them what to do, it's about helping them discover it for themselves. And if you want to give them some advice or direction, save that for the end, but really lead into helping them identify what the actual problem is so that they can get out of their own way, so they can take that action, so they can get those results, right? All right, guys. Thank you very much. Hope you have an amazing rest of the week. Um, for those of you guys who are going to join us in HEMO, we'll see you next Saturday. Any questions about that? Definitely. All right, guys. Have a great week. See you soon. Bye, everybody.