What If This Is the Thing That Changes Everything

Opening And The Invisible Beliefs

SPEAKER_01 0:00

So Teresa and I were talking the other day about something we're building together. And I was asking her some questions. And I'm gonna be honest, like it wasn't because I thought something was off with her thinking. It's actually because I was actually thinking something myself. And I really wanted to be able to run it through a filter to see if that could actually be the thing that was holding me back. And so what I've come to find out is a lot of times that we're in these situations where we're processing things, that things in my brain make total sense until I either say them out loud or I ask somebody else about maybe their thoughts about that situation. And when it pops up, I'm like, that's it. There it is. Because a lot of times those things are invisible to us. They're the things that are running under the surface. And I don't think that it is always the things that are really blaring loud. Sometimes, like in the situation we're gonna talk about today, it's actually something that makes logical sense. And a lot of marketers and mentors would be like, yes, focus on that, but it actually gets us to go down the wrong path. So that's what I want to talk about today. So we are modern leadership coaching. And I'm Mark.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

And I'm Teresa.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Hi, Teresa. How are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Oh, that's weird when you say my name.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

It is, isn't it? By the way, if you ever want to uh make fun of Teresa, called her Tracy because she said that everybody, whenever she used to pick up the phone while we're working uh in corporate, they would say, Oh, hi, Tracy. And she was like, It's Teresa.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Well, it's probably my fault because I wasn't pronounced.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Well, that, but you also never corrected them. I know we we have a lot of people pleasers in our audience who are like never correcting people. And by the way, my name is Mark with a C. It is not Mark with a K. Just gonna throw it out there.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

And mine's without the H. You what? Mine's without the H.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Yes. There's not Teresa. It is Teresa. All right. Are you do you think it's serious? Yes, let's serious. All right.

What Self-Coaching Really Means

SPEAKER_00 1:49

That is not possible. By the way.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

All right. So um I want us to talk about this whole idea of not just self-coaching, because it wasn't me that was just like literally going through this, but I do want to like uh share a little bit about this idea around self-coaching, because I think it's really important and we hit this up actually before we get into the topic today. And that is like what people think self-coaching is and what it really is. So, you know this. I wrote a book, Mastering Your Life Through Self-Coaching, like five years ago, which is crazy. And I cannot believe that it's been that long. But when I wrote it, what people tend to do when they think about self-coaching is I'm gonna take the easy path and I'm gonna be able to do it all on my own. That is not what self-coaching is. This is how I think of self-coaching. Self-coaching is you get coaching or you get something from the outside that helps you see what's actually going on for you and it gets you to be able to reframe it, have a different way of thinking about it. And then you leave that conversation or that call or that training, and then you work on it with yourself by coaching yourself through it. It is not, hey, I'm going to coach myself through this thing. I have no idea what's holding me back, what my unconscious perspective is, and I'm gonna be able to figure it out. That is not self-coaching, that is isolation. There's a difference. Self-coaching is not equal to actually doing it on your own. It's not, it's not isolation. It is literally you seeing what could potentially be holding you back from somebody outside of you or something outside of you. You can even read a book and just see things of like, wow, I didn't realize that was actually happening to me. But then you implementing that into your coaching of yourself.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

I also think that people are like totally misguided with self-coaching. They think it just happens in the morning time. They think it's just happens with like, let's say the when they're studying, they're sitting there with their journal. In their in their zen state, listening to their yoga routines and stuff like that. Like, no, self-coaching happens when the stuff is hitting the fan. That's what self-coaching really happens. It doesn't happen in the everything's going well. And it also doesn't happen in a way that's like disciplined or forcing yourself or doing anything like that. You actually want to do it, at least when you understand how to do it right. What's crazy is that I know a lot of people who go through this process of being able to coach others and they think that coaching others is the same as coaching yourself. It is not. And I think that could be something that is a fault of mine. At least I'm gonna take ownership of it because a lot of times when I'm teaching people how to coach others, I don't actually verbalize out loud that this is not the same as coaching yourself. There's some similarities, but there's a lot more differences and you have to understand the two. And I honestly believe that one actually earns you the right to coach other people. If you're not coaching yourself, you're not gonna make it in this business. If you're not leading yourself, you are not gonna make it in this business. I love you so much, but you're fighting losing battle, right? Because you're not actually doing what you're asking of other people. Right. So, all right. So that was a big detour, but I think it was really important because as we talk about today, I want people to understand that that's not what we do. We don't go into isolation and think that that's what's gonna work. Otherwise, that would have worked already, right? We all would have been ultra successful on our own.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

But it hasn't.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

What I was thinking was when you were saying that you first start off with kind of someone helping you kind of see something that you couldn't see. And I I see it kind of like as uh you're helping pull back the curtain a little bit so that someone can actually do the work later. Yeah. And I think that's really important and a really great distinction to have.

You Are The Real Asset

SPEAKER_01 5:22

He said, you know, um, I'm a little nervous because the most valuable thing that I have to sell is this intellectual property. I'm like, that is false news, my friend. The most valuable thing that you have is you, not your intellectual property. You built this, you created it, you developed it. Right. It is inside of you. It is literally you wrote that, and that's your like outside representation. Yeah. And that's valuable, but nothing is more valuable than you. You get to bring every part of you into the next scenario. You get to bring everything you learned, everything from that. And it was funny because, like, when I said that, he's like, You're right. And then he stopped for a second, and I could see his energy change. And he's like, You're right. And it was just that it totally rested the difference of the call, right? Because it's like that belief of the most valuable thing is this intellectual property, right? Can feel good because you're trying to sell your business, but it feels terrible when you're like, What am I gonna do afterwards? What am I gonna be left with? What's good? What happens if I can't figure this out? And I'm like, bro, stop for a second. Remind yourself just create you are you create something else. Yeah. It's like you did have the really valuable stuff, but guess what? You created that, you came up with that. That is your process, right? That means it's inside of you. Anything that you do next, you're gonna be able to bring with you. And so this is kind of like just that idea of man, there's some ideas that or or thoughts or perspectives that feel good, but you actually, when you look three levels deeper, you're like, oh wow, I didn't even know that's what I was making that mean. And just a little tweak like that could be the thing that he's like, it's funny because I got a message from him today, and his energy was just like night and day. He's like, You're right, I am the most valuable. It was funny, like just being able, because that's what happens when you spot those things. And which is why, like, I feel like you need somebody to be able to do that. Because you're not just gonna have that conversation with Aunt Sue, right? She's not gonna be like, oh, but like the most valuable thing is no, she's not gonna be able to spot that. That's why it's important that we have people in our lives that are like this who can spot that and go, look at that. Hold on a second, pause for a second. Let's let's not keep moving on because I think there's something here, right? And it's crazy what happens when you change your energy around that, right?

SPEAKER_02 7:24

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

Okay.

Success Metrics That Poison Creation

SPEAKER_01 7:26

Here's kind of like what ended up happening with us in a very, very similar situation. All right. We were driving, and as we were driving, Teresa loves this about me. We're like driving, and I'm like, hey, can I talk to you about coaching and about business? And she's like, I would love to.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

And her eyes, oh, now I know why you do that.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

What?

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Because I can't escape.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

You can't. I can't, I can't. No, no, no. Usually she'll pretend like she's sleeping on the couch. She's like, I'm just, I'm not feeling good all of a sudden. And she'll like, and I know because her answers will become one-word answers. Like, yeah. Great. So anyway, we're driving and um I start having this conversation, right? And we're like, okay, so we're putting together this new program. I don't know, like, something kind of feels off about, I don't know, just the way that I'm showing up or the way that like I'm thinking about this, and I don't really know what it is. And one of the ways that I help coach myself sometimes is I verbalize it out loud and I balance it off of you. And then because it's so much easier to see it when somebody else says it or, you know, thinks it or, you know, responds in a certain way, right? And so I started to ask you some of those questions, right? And so we're driving and I'm like, hmm, I know we're putting together this new like self-coaching program. Like a lot of times we teach people how to coach, but we haven't had a program just specifically for people who want to coach themselves. By the way, one of the clients that I talked about earlier, he was the one who kind of like sparked this idea because he's like, why do you not teach this to everybody on the planet? Like how to do this for myself. Like, I needed this, and he ended up becoming a part of the certification too. But he's like, I didn't think I needed a certification. Uh no, but I don't want a piece of paper like that. I want to know how high performers think. And when you can teach me how high performers think, then we're gonna crush it. And so I'm like, actually, that's what we do. And we went through it. He's like, Why are you not teaching this to more people? Right. So, so we had this inclination of like, we need to pull that out from the certification and really teach people how to master this so they can get themselves to take action, know how high performers think, get themselves to not beat themselves up and do all that kind of stuff, right? So I've been having a lot of conversations and our audience knows this because they probably got some emails and stuff from me, right? And so I've been having some conversations, and while I was putting it together, it kind of felt like, ugh, this is like my thing. This is like what people come to me all the time for. They just don't know the word self-coaching. They come to me and go, how did you lose 100 pounds? They come to me and go, how did you build a business like this? They come to me and go, how did you retire from the police force early? How did you get Teresa to come home full time? How did you, and they're all the how to, right? And my answer is always the same. It's like my coaching tools is how I did it, right? Like, and when I think about the ultimate one, it's like being able to coach myself. So I should be super excited about doing this, right? I mean, at least that's what I was feeling. But in the moment, I'm like, there's something that's not really clicking. And that's when I was like, can we talk for a minute? And you had that beam of smile in your face, and you're like, oh God, yes, as long as we go to the coffee shop and I can get a treat. I'm like, sweet. So I'm like, what do you think is the main goal with this program? Like, what would success look like for you to get us to say we get to the end of this next, you know, month or two months, however long we decide to put it together for and create it. What would success look like for you? And I just verbalized that out loud to you. Do you remember? Do you remember that?

SPEAKER_00 10:36

I don't remember exactly. It the question wasn't framed that way. You framed it a little bit differently. And it got me thinking. And I thought, well, my my first thought was, okay, I'm looking for some type of external outcome to this. And I told you something along the lines of, well, if we have people who actually decide that they want to move on to the next step with us, they really enjoy the program, they really fall in love with the process and they want to learn more. Like they're hungry for more. And we get people to go on to, let's say, the certification, right? So that was my initial thought. And then, and then you stopped for a second.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

And then I ruined it all.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

I ruined it all. You're right. Like uh how you just described it was how you described it in the car. And what's crazy is when you heard that, I'm like, that's it. And the reason why I said that's it is because that's the way that my brain was framing it too. But when I heard you say it out loud, I'm like, I don't like that. And it's not because you said something wrong and you thought something wrong, because I was literally thinking the same thing, but I could now see how that would get me to show up. So here's what I mean. By the way, first off, if that is a perspective that works for you, keep it, run with it, go crush it, all right? Everybody's different. This is something that we've learned through the process of coaching thousands of people, is you can have the same perspective and it will have a different reaction in somebody else's body. It'll get them to produce different results, it'll get them to um spiral think either up or down. Like there's so many different infinite ways, but you have to try it on for size, is what we say, right? But in that moment, I could see myself. I could see myself going, hmm, what can I do to create this program to make it be the bridge into our certification? And that would ruin it all.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

And I was like, huh?

SPEAKER_01 12:34

No, you were. I was like, think about this. And this is just how it happened for me. And I was like, you try this on for size, and I think you were like, yeah, yeah, that's for sure. Now I'm like, okay, what's the bare minimum that I can teach that would get people to want to actually create demand for the high impact mastery academy? What what what do I need to hold back? Because if I hold that back, it'll actually get them to go, I want this thing because I didn't learn everything about it. And I hate the way that feels in my body. And so here's the thing like if you talk to mentors, you talk to business coaches, they might actually frame it that way where they're like, okay, so you're gonna put this together. Your goal, if it was what you said, is to bridge the gap between your next program, right? Because you know that getting started at coaching yourself and like getting in into the next step, which is being able to coach other people, that's the path that you traveled. So what could you do or say, or how could you like deliver to make it so that they take that next step? And that feels terrible in my body because I'm like, I hate that, honestly, because it is a very tricky way of using logic and what would seem like it's a good perspective into making me feel terrible because I don't want to show up for my people like that. Like when I put something together, I want to give my heart, my soul. I don't want to hold anything back. I want to give them everything that I wish that I had from the beginning, irrelevant of whether or not they take the next step. That's how it feels good to me. That's how I get on a call. I'm excited, I share everything. We're going through the program and we create more stuff than we had anticipated, right? We give them more than they came from. And they get to the end. And yes, if it's something that would be a good fit for them next, that's awesome. But my goal is never to say, let me bridge this gap. It is to give them everything they need to get the results that I promised that I was gonna give for them and have no attachment to whether or not they take the next step. And then when you get to the end, you get to learn not only so much through that process, but you get to give the best version of you, and people always get better results when that happens. So that's kind of like what I saw when you verbalize that out loud. And I'm like, oh, and and here's the thing I've been thinking about this ever since then of like, how many other times have I thought like that? Where I'm like, hey,

Give Everything Without Attachment

SPEAKER_01 14:57

how could I make this be a bridge between this and this? And it makes logical sense, right? But sometimes the best way that you can make that the bridge is by not focusing in at all and just giving your best. Because the times when I've given my best, to be honest, like even like sales calls, right? Like people tend to jump on sales calls with me, think I'm gonna pitch them on something. I would say maybe 70% of the time I don't do any of that. I give them the best experience they can ever have in those 20 or 30 minutes so they can actually have something to move on. Do you know what happens? So much of those times, those people come back and go, that was amazing. Here's the results I got, and here's the next thing that I would love to get your help with. What would that look like to work together? And they actually go, I don't want you to give me another free session because I feel like I'm stealing and taking from you. Like I want to actually invest in this, right? And it's because of me leading with how can I just give them the greatest experience, the most clarity, get them to see what's actually holding the back, and then let them go off and see what it's like to be able to have a resource like this and know that I'm gonna be there. Because the truth, and this is the way I think about coaching, the truth is, is there isn't one problem that you're gonna solve for somebody as a coach. There isn't. There's one problem, and that's going to help them solve that problem, and then they're gonna have another problem.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

The way I like to think about coaching is not a, hey, let me go to this coach to solve this one problem. This is, I want to have this coach on my side through any problems that I go through over the next six months or a year so that I know that I'm never tackling these by myself. I literally have somebody who's gonna be able to look at this and go, Oh, yeah, I've been through this problem. Let me help you with it. And then help me get through it and then go to the next problem. Because that's what life is. Life is challenges and problems. And the faster that we get through it, the faster we overcome it and learn it, the more we keep growing, the more value we have, the more that we can help other people, the more that our income grows, the more that our bank account grows, the more safety and security we have. But if we stop doing that and we're like, hey, we're good, that's kind of like where things start to fall downhill. Yeah. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

So, and it's funny because like when you think about like that perspective, and you don't, I didn't realize that it could actually have that kind of ripple effect. Right. And I I've noticed that there have been times in the past when I've gone back into um, okay, so I'm about to get on this um uh session with somebody. How can I show them that I can help them and what their next step could be? And and I understand that, like, and and well, let me just call this out. Like, if you've ever felt that way, I want you to not use any shame, blame, or guilt on yourself because your brain, and I know people who are listening to this, you are heart-centered. You want to help people. You know that you cannot make an income if you do not help people, right? So stop talking trash to yourself if that's coming up in this moment, because in reality, I know you really want to help, but you also need to support your family. You also need to make income. You also need to do those things, right? There's nothing wrong with doing any of that. Like so many times you people work full time. Do you get upset when you go to work of like, oh my God, like I'm I'm taking from people, I'm taking from the business right now, right? It's like, no, you just go to work because that's what you do, right? And it's the same thing in your business. It's just you'd have a different relationship with it because it's quote unquote your business, right? But I want you to think through that when you're having these kind of like aha moments, it's not a tool to beat yourself up of like, oh, I must have had the wrong like impression or whatever. It's like, no, you have a human brain. That's how it works. You need to reel that sucker in sometimes, right? That's why this is so important, is because it's not just the ones that seem obvious that are getting you off track of like, I'm stuck, I don't know where to go next, I don't know what to do. I feel like that's like the toddler or the teenager brain. Right, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's like, but if you did know, what it would be? I don't know. Right. And it's kind of like you get stuck in that because you're like literally spinning, right? But it's like when you start to be able to challenge that a little bit and you find different ways of thinking it through and you start finding out that you do have the answers and you don't shame or guilt yourself, you're like, oh, here's the next level. Thank you so much for showing me this next level. It it makes everything kind of like fall into place where it was supposed to be.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Yeah. Well, can I be honest? Because when I, you know, told you, hey, this is what success would look like, and then you started to talk about how that just didn't feel right, and you were coming up with ways on what you thought success would look like that looked completely different than what I had mentioned. Initially, I did feel kind of off, like, oh, I said something wrong, or oh, I was thinking about it like in the wrong way. And I had to kind of ruminate with that for a little bit. But then as you started to explain it and how that was going to get you to show up in a different way, it just got me thinking about how this all works, right? How coaching works and how you don't always get to do that, you know, by yourself. Like you don't go down that path. There has to be kind of like a sounding board, and you kind of like hear it from someone else's voice, and you're like, wait a minute, this just doesn't feel right. And then you go on to think about how you're going to show up and what actions you're gonna take if you have that particular perspective. And you showed me that. You showed me how reframing that perspective was going to help you show up in a different way, which in turn would also help me show up in a different way. So I got it. Like I was like, oh, I can see now how that would work. So I think it was a really great conversation because it's about really kind of thinking outside the box and really kind of like even coaching yourself outside the box. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

One

Growth Feels Bad Before It Works

SPEAKER_01 20:14

thing that you that you share that I really want to make sure that I bring up for people, the whole idea of growth and how painful it feels.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Um, if you're feeling good all the time, you're not growing. Yeah. My coach shared this on one of the calls. She's like, what does the feeling of empowered feel like for you? And everybody was like, amazing, and I feel great, and all this kind of stuff. And she's like, that's funny. She's like, because empowering to me feels like crap. It feels like suckness. It feels like because think about what happens before feeling empowered. You have to go through something challenging, right? It's kind of the whole brave, right? You don't feel brave, you feel like fear, but then you do something from a different place, and that's what creates the feeling of brave, right? It's like being able to reframe it. But when you initially have that, it's fear, it's shame, it's guilt, it's why isn't this working? It's I feel like I'm stuck. And it's not just saying that and living there, because I know a lot of people, I love you guys. I know a lot of people who are like, I'm stuck, and you just stay there the whole time, right? And you're like, oh, yep, this is just evidence that I just am supposed to be where I'm at, right? I'm like, maybe, maybe not, I don't know. But it's like when you feel that stuff, what you do next is what matters.

SPEAKER_02 21:32

Right.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Just that whole thing of growth, right? This is why I love you so much. You're willing to have those conversations with me where we say something and it's like we're not meaning for it to be like harsh or anything like that. It's just like calling someone forward, but sharing things that we see with each other and going, like, this doesn't mean anything about you. This is just how our brain works. Let's talk it out. Let's see what this could look like. And being able to verbalize this out loud to go, like, oh, so that's where the growth moment is.

unknown 21:59

But it's

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Doesn't feel warm and fuzzy.

unknown 22:01

No.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

Feels like, hey, can we chat about this for a few minutes? And you're like, amazing. I'm so excited about this, right? Because it's like being able to be in that kind of environment to have those conversations, right? So this is really where it is, where the pain is, is usually where the opportunity is too, right? As long as you're willing to lean into it.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

Yes, right. That's the key.

SPEAKER_01 22:20

Yep. Okay.

When Hidden Stories Run The Show

SPEAKER_01 22:21

So um in this situation, this scenario, we became aware of something, right? I had this off feeling and then I wanted to verbalize it and talk about it, right? But I want you to maybe describe like what quietly happens when something like this actually stays invisible and just keeps running in the background. So what do you think happens in these scenarios where something is actually off? You're like, I don't know what's going on. I'm not getting the results that I want. And you don't have a way of challenging this. You don't have a way of finding out what's going on. What actually happens when it's running in the background?

SPEAKER_00 22:53

Well, I'll paint the picture uh based off of like of our conversation about what success would look like if, you know, we put together this program. So if you hadn't reframed it and we would have been like, okay, is getting people on to the like the next step, right? And let's say nobody moves on to the next step, which, you know, happens all the time, right? And now we feel like complete failures because the one thing that we said was going to make this successful was the outcome, right? That result of having people move on to the next step. So now, you know, we start to question ourselves, we start to say, well, the program sucks or any number of things. We're trying to find the reason why this failed. So if like you keep going with some of these perspectives that are going on in the background, then something like this will happen, where you will point out what you think success will look like in, you know, whatever it is that you're doing. And then if that doesn't happen the way that you specifically designed it to or envisioned it, then that turns into maybe a spiral of thoughts of maybe you don't feel worthy or you don't feel like you're ever gonna succeed. It really blinds you, or it really kind of like makes you not realize that there was some success in there. Because I mean, there's lessons to be learned, but also there could have been a different perspective you had as far as like what the results would be that would have made that look like a success or have been a success. Think about this in any area of your life, right? This is just a way for for you to kind of like stop and realize that there are infinite number of outcomes that could be successful, right? There's not one size fit all as far as that. And I think that I think I talked about this on a call that we were on, but even when I'm coaching someone and let's say I'm coaching them in business, and I assume that their goal is to make more money in their business, right? But what if it's not that at all? But I I wouldn't know that if I don't ask questions, right? Because I'm not gonna impose what I think success is supposed to look like for them. They need to tell me. And we figure that out through coaching, through me asking questions. And a lot of times it's not that at all. It's something completely different. So this is just like a great way to not just like avoid failure, because we don't want to avoid failure. Like failure is the best teacher, right? But it it's just a way for us to kind of like make pivots before like a lot of like the really painful stuff happens.

Stop Fixing Tactics First

SPEAKER_01 25:41

Yeah. So um, what comes up for me related to what you just said is a lot of times in this scenario, we now want to go back and we want to change the things on the outside, change the launch sequence, change how many emails we wrote, change the messaging. I just don't know how to talk to people right. And what the problem is is not on the outside, the problem is what's on the inside, right? So let me give you a perfect example related to this, related to like health and fitness. Okay, because I I was thinking about this today. So you can have a workout program, right? Like let's say you're doing a 30-minute workout program, right? You can go in there with like low energy. You can feel like, oh, this is a waste of my time. You could do some of the things that my brain tries to convince me of, like while you're working out, like listening to some audios from your clients, responding back to them, pushing pause, using the bare minimum of weights, right? You're like, oh, I'm just so tired and and just like using that energy for those 30 minutes. Or you can go in and you can say, I'm gonna be as layer focused as possible, and I'm gonna actually pick up the 45s instead of the tens. I'm gonna give it my all. I'm gonna do it for 30 minutes, and I'm gonna see what changes. And you may not see a significant change on the first day, but every time that you do that after that, and you continue to add that up, if you even look at like how many calories you would burn, the difference between just barely just doing whatever your minimum is for your workout versus pushing yourself to do as much as you possibly can. I like to think about this as like same 30 minutes, totally different transformation. And I'm not just talking about like the numbers because the numbers will change. I remember doing this one day as like one day I did a workout. Um, this was like maybe five years ago. I did a workout, right? And I was like, ugh, like dragging it, right? Like trying to find not necessarily excuses, but distractions, right? And then I'm like, you know what? The next day I was like, I'm gonna try that workout again and I'm gonna remove all the distractions. And I remember I think I burned like 270 something calories more. I'm like, what? And I'm like, what strength gains would I have if I did that every single day? How many more calories would I burn? Like how much more energized would I feel? And I'm like, that is crazy. Like, think about that one day, but then think about like doing that for every day for 30 days or for a year. It would be night and day. It wouldn't take me any longer. It would take me the same amount of time, right? And so I think about this. Not only is it those calories though, it's also like the energy you feel afterwards. Yeah. Like, I don't know about you, but when I kick my butt in the gym afterwards, I have more energy than I would have had before. I feel amazing. I feel confident. And it translates into everything that I do for the rest of the day. And so when you think about those kind of things, it's like, oh, I'm doing the right things, I'm doing the right activities, I'm doing my workout, I'm pushing play or I'm doing what, you know, drinking my shade or doing what I'm saying. I'm just checking the box. Right. I'm just checking the box versus like, what would actually make you want to do this on an entirely different level? Right. And it's the same thing that we're talking about here in business. It's like it's fueled by different perspectives, but it gets you to get more out of the time that you are there, the time that you're leaning in, and it produces different results. And so, yes, I do think there's different ways that you can work out to get better, like to get different results, depending on you and et cetera. But if that's what your focus is, oh, there's something wrong with my workout, hate to break it to you. You're not gonna actually break through that plateau because you're looking outside of yourself for the answers. But a lot of times they're inside. And sometimes there are some different ways of doing things, but people focus on that way too much.

SPEAKER_03 28:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

Way too much.

Marketing Blocks Are Belief Blocks

SPEAKER_01 28:59

I've been getting a lot of messages recently. I made a post in a like a life coaching community. And it's a pretty cool life coaching community. There's like 88,000 coaches that are in there.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

Yeah. And what I notice is like, and by the way, there's nothing wrong with this. So a lot of people are like trying to sell each sell each other in terms of coaches, coaches stuff. And so uh one of the things that we do is um we don't primarily focus on finding clients and growing your business through marketing and sales. Like that's not something I I really love or enjoy teaching. It's something that we do, but it's not something I really enjoy teaching. But I saw that a lot of people were in there, we're like talking about like, oh, how can you find your first couple of clients or whatever? And um, we have a process that we go through whenever we create this kind of stuff for us. And I made a post that I'm like, hey guys, I have a playbook that we go by whenever we're looking to help some more people. And I usually will only give it to my one-on-one clients, but anybody who's interested in it, let me know and I'll email it to you. Oh, and by the way, I'm not putting you in an email sequence. I'm not gonna try and sell you anything because I don't have anything to sell in this space. This is really not my space. It's something I do sometimes with one-on-one clients, but like primarily I teach people how to coach. A lot of people reached out to me and I sent it to them and they've been responding back going, Oh my God, I probably should have paid for this, right? But at the same time, like, um, people had reached out to me. And people always think that it is the technical thing that they need to find more clients, right? They're like, what do I need to say? How do I need to show up on social media? And that is never the case. Never. I have never found it once that somebody just struggled with how to market or sell online. It is always rooted in their belief system, in the stories they tell themselves and the perspectives they tell themselves that prevents them from actually doing it. Right. And sometimes when I'm done having a conversation with somebody, they realize that like social media isn't their place. And they go and they find their place. And then they send me a message back and go, thank God, because social media sucked the life out of me. And this other thing is working extremely well, right? And it's because we typically go to that I need the technical solutions for that, right? And 99 times out of 100, I'm gonna say 100 times out a hundred, but um 99 times out of 100, that is not the truth. It's something else is driving their behavior. Something else is making them think that they're not good enough, or something else is making them not send the messages, or talk to the people that they're close to them, right? Or use some type of resource that they could use, or maybe just ask people that are around you that already know, like, and trust you, right? There's so many different things that we can help people spot, but you can't spot it yourself. So I don't know why I went down that path, but it came up when you were when you were chatting.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

No.

The Ideas That Sound Like Wisdom

SPEAKER_01 31:35

All right. So um, for the person listening, what's the first real thing they should do with that? So here's what I have to say: the beliefs and the stories and perspectives that are the hardest to catch are not the dark ones. They're not usually the blaring, I'm stuck. Yes, that is not helpful to think about it in terms of like I'm stuck, right? Or I'm getting in my own way. We hear that a lot. And it's oh yeah, that is not helpful in any respect. Do not ever say that to me ever again. And it's because I love you, because you're trapping yourself into not being able to find the answers. But the ones that actually keep you stuck are the ones that sound like wisdom. They sound like this is a good idea. Logically, this makes sense. This worked for my coach. This worked over here, but those are the ones that actually have the ability of holding you back because they're the ones that you can believe, you can believe you're heading in the right direction, you can think that this is the right thing for you, but they're indirectly protecting you. They're actually getting you to play small. And you don't even know that. That is the most frustrating part. You don't even know that. That's why we wanted to have this episode, right? And that's why I want to ask you a question, okay? I want you to think about how could this be showing up for you in an area of your life that you most want to work through right now? Coaching, relationship with your kids, losing weight. How could this be showing up for you? And then what would it feel like to not only finally see it, but what would change in your life if you came to realize that that thing that you're telling yourself that may sound good in the moment is actually hurting you and holding you back from your true potential. I'd love to hear

Reach Out And Keep Leading

SPEAKER_01 33:17

what comes up for you. Shoot us a message. You know how to find us. Whether it's our email list, whether it's being able to reach out to on the podcast, or send us a message button, or if you got our phone numbers or text or whatever, like just reach out and let us know. Because I gotta tell you, it feels amazing to be able to do that, to be able to find that and unlock something, just like how we unlock while we're putting together this program, something for us, that now just every bone in my body wants to sit down, which is what we're gonna do right after this podcast and put together this program so it is gonna be able to blow people's minds. But we wouldn't have been able to have that conversation with that same kind of energy that we're about to have if we hadn't explored this.

SPEAKER_02 33:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

So thank you for going out for that cup of coffee. Actually, it was your chocolatey, chocolatey chip chip, chippity chip with extra whipped cream. It is worth it. Wow. It was worth all seven dollars. All right, guys. Um, thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you guys for listening. We appreciate you so much. And above all, keep leading from the front. All right, leaders. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 34:19

Bye.