Get Energy Vs Serve Energy: The Thing People Feel Before You Speak

Intro And Feeling Stuck

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What is going on, my people?

SPEAKER_01 0:03

You're getting so good at that. But am I?

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Yes, but I need to come up with my own.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

You do need to come up with your own. I know we were talking about this, but like, do you know how many messages I got from people who are like, that was the most amazing intro ever? And I'm like, so basically you're saying I suck. So and they kind of ignore it.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Why? Why is that your perspective?

SPEAKER_01 0:20

I don't know. I'm I'm not gonna choose to believe that anymore. Okay. So, guys, what's up? What's up? Today we have a really powerful episode for you. If you've ever been in a space where you're taking action, right? You're getting yourself to take action, but nothing seems to be moving forward, kind of feels like you're stuck, and you see other people, they're doing some of the very same things that you're doing, and it seems like they're getting results, but it just doesn't seem to be working for you. Well, then today's episode is for you. Because I really want to talk about some hidden things that I found that can really hinder results. And I'm not just saying this from a business perspective, even though we will talk a little bit about this from a business perspective. I'm talking about every relationship that you're in, you can find that you might be accidentally doing what we're doing today, because it's a basic normal way that our brain responds to things, which is why I want to talk about it today. Because when we become aware of it, it no longer runs the show.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Let's go.

Get Energy Vs Serve Energy

SPEAKER_01 1:19

So, guys, you are listening to Modern Leadership Coaching. I'm Mark.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

And I'm Teresa.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

And we talk about what it actually takes to lead people well. So today, guys, we're talking about two energies that you can bring into any room. Now, the first one is called get energy. This is where we walk into a room where we're having a conversation and we want something from the other person in front of you. I mean, even when you say that, I mean, I don't know about you, but it makes me kind of like go, uh, because I don't want people to think that I just am walking into a conversation because I want something, right? But the second kind is what we call serve energy. And that's where you're there for them. Now, in all truthfulness, like most people never even realize that these two kind of energies and they don't know which energy they're in, and they don't know why things work and why things don't work, and they tend to try to change all the tactical ways they're doing things, but they never change the real thing that needs to be changed, which is the actual energy. When we first started out coaching, like 13 years ago, we started out in an MLM. And what was crazy is when you would see people who joined and they got started, some of the people they would take off when it comes to being able to help people, being able to impact people, that kind of stuff. And I would look at what they say and what they're doing, and I'm like, this honestly should not work. And the reason why it did is because of the energy that they were in when they were doing it. And so that's why I wanted to talk about this today. Also, because we coach a lot of people that are people who want to get better when it comes to being able to grow their business, people who want to get promoted, people who want to be able to lead people more effectively, people who want to be able to coach themselves. And there's a lot of these things which are hidden under the surface. And when we help them become aware of it, it like totally changes the game for them. And so many times it's easier than making a change of the tactical things. It's actually much easier than doing that because it's the one thing that like will fuel those things to actually work.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

So give me an example of what you mean by get energy and serve energy.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Yeah, let me just differentiate the two and then I'll give you some examples. So when we think about having get energy, it's like I need to get a client today. I need to convince my kids to clean their room, I need to get my wife to do this or my husband to do this. And what we don't realize is the energy under that people can feel. People can feel it even before we start talking, right? Um, and it's it's like a, I don't know, it's like the other person usually can't describe why they feel a certain way, but you're creating this feeling of whether it's you're trying to convince them, you're trying to rush them, you're trying to push them, it's all about you've got to get this thing. And sometimes, by the way, that can come from a place of your heart. You're like, no, I really need them to get this because if they do this, then X, Y, and Z, but it, but underneath it, it's all about you. Now, when you tap into serve energy, serve energy is I'm gonna do whatever I need to today in service of this other person. Just an example is like if you're like, I'm doing this because I want my wife to be able to do X, Y, and Z, right? That's kind of like a get energy. But a service energy is I'm doing this because I want to be the best husband I can possibly be to my wife. There's a difference and they're gonna feel it. The crazy thing is a serve energy generally will actually get you what you want in the end. It's just you can't have that ulterior motive of like, oh, I'm saying this or doing this in a way that makes it feel like I'm forcing or pushing them to do this because they'll feel that.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

Yeah, so it's less transactional.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

It is. It's less transactional. And what's funny is like, I mean, I know I said this before, like, Jim Rohn talks about you can have anything that you want if you help enough people get what they want. And so I'm not saying that you're gonna grow a business and you're never gonna ask anybody to join you. It's the energy when you're having that conversation. If you look at yourself and you examine like maybe the last time you did this or the last time you had a conversation with your kids and you wanted them to do something and you think about like what energy was I in, you might become aware that like that was a get energy for me. I was in that get energy. Now I know a couple uh podcasts ago, we were talking about our self-leadership lab. Initially, it was like, hey, what would success look like in the self-leadership lab? That was a different version of like get energy versus serve energy. And that's why it was feeling a little bit off to me when we started to put it together. But when I realized, like, hey, my goal here is to just help as many people as possible to really be able to lead themselves effectively. And whether or not they decide to take the next step, that is totally out of my control. But I'm gonna focus on giving them the best experience ever. And because of that, we created a, I think, the most powerful program that we've ever had, very similar to what we did with the High Impact Mastery Academy, but it would have had a different energy if it hadn't been fueled that way. So I wanna say this too, because if you've ever been in get energy, welcome to the human race. Because things will happen where it's like, okay, well, we need to have more safety and security. We need to make more money, we need to be able to do X, Y, and Z. So it's very easy to get into the get energy, but that always tends to push people away. It never tends to pull them in because you're really thinking about it through the lens of you and your safety and protection versus how can I just serve this person in such a great way that I help them as much as I possibly can? And that is what tends to come back to us, not the get energy. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 6:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

I want to make sure that people realize this because I know a lot of times they don't. And that is the person on the other side. We were talking about this, the person on the other side generally will feel that energy before the other person even says a word. So why is that? And what does it actually do to a conversation when that person feels that low of energy?

SPEAKER_00 6:44

Yeah, I think it might be intuition, right? Because when you go into a conversation or anything that might happen, like we internally have this intuition of that energy, right? It's an energy transfer. And I think a lot of us have that intuition when it comes to, especially when it comes to let's say, you know, you maybe want to join somebody or you're interested in their program or their work. And I think that you don't have to say anything at all. Something feels off. Like it could be that, right? Something just doesn't feel right. And it really is just about the interactions, whether it's verbally or just body language, right? And so I think a lot of that has to do with just us being human and being able to kind of recognize that. And I think some people can recognize that better than others.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

So I want to remind you of a story of my get energy with you, and then see how you can verbalize this out loud in terms of how that felt.

A Marriage And Gym Story

SPEAKER_02 7:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

So early on, I was trying to get you to work out when I was still working on struggling with my health and fitness, and you were still in the process of trying to get started. I had a lot of get energy, which is like, hey, I want to get you to work out. And it was coming from a place of like, I really want you to be around on this planet for a long time. I want you to be healthy. I want to be able to do a whole bunch of extra stuff. So like I need to do my job as a husband and get you to like work out and to make your health a priority. And that was three years of get energy. And I think you went to the gym three times in those three years, right? And then my energy changed. And it wasn't a, hey, I need you to do this. It's like, I think I actually remember when we're laying in bed, and I'm like, hey, I've really been thinking about doing this thing. And it's kind of a crazy program, but like I think I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna try it home. And if you want to do it with me, that'd be awesome. But if like not, like no pressure. I think that was a different approach. I think that was the difference between get and serve energy. But I want to throw it to you like, how did that feel to you now looking back at the you know, hindsight of what you know now because of coaching? Can you kind of explain that?

SPEAKER_00 8:42

Yeah, because it didn't feel pushy. Right. And it it was more of it was like the influence part rather than the I'm trying to get somebody to do something.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

And for a while, like you were saying, you were trying to get me to do something. And it just didn't feel right to me. I don't like being told what to do. I don't know if you know that. But it's so stop doing that. So so it was more of that where it's like, oh, like he's not telling me to do it. Like he's not saying, hey, I'm gonna do this program, I want you to do it with me. Or maybe you're shaming me into doing it, or whatever. So it felt different. And I thought, well, you know what? Maybe I will do it. Maybe it'll be fun, or you know, it'll probably be scary, but you know, at least I'll try and I'll just give it a shot. I don't know, maybe you just got me like I was in a good mood or something. I don't know. But but I think I think overall it was more of you presented this information for me and you you didn't try to steer me in a direction.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

I I I want to continue on, but not quite yet, because like I want to make sure that I I verbalize this out loud because I don't think people see this. Is like, is I was trying to get you to work out for three years straight, and you went to the gym like maybe three times over that three, so maybe like once a year, right? Then I went, I moved into serve energy. You actually jumped in with the same time as me and you didn't stop. That was the that was the beginning of the end. You literally have not had like two days in a row that you haven't worked out like since then. It was been it's been like what 13 years, something like that, like maybe even longer than that. So it's crazy to even just verbalize that. It's like the difference between get energy was like I I was trying to get you to do things, and I I promise you it was from a good place in my heart, but it was bad uh uh under energy. Yeah, the energy underneath was like really like uh icky, right? It's like they say this commission breath, right? Where it's like, ugh, this is disgusting, right? And in literally just changing that energy, that was like all I needed. But but then look how you showed up in that scenario because you hadn't been the type of person who worked out, but you decided to lean in and you jumped in and then you know, look at you.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Yeah, and it wasn't it wasn't like this overnight thing, right? It was it was a struggle, but I think I was it I was moving in the right direction. And it was just it was just something different, right? It's all about like your your intentions, and it's like of course you want me to be healthy, and of course you want me to um, you know, be around for a long time. So do I. But it was just yeah, just the way that you approached it was so different, and maybe and maybe like subconsciously, I was like, oh, well, you know, that's a little different, right? Because I was so used to, hey, are you gonna go to the gym or hey, you know, I'll watch the kids today and that kind of stuff. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

I love it. I love it, I love it. Okay.

Tactics Vs The Real Problem

SPEAKER_00 11:35

So, you know, I see I see this in people that I work with all the time. Um, like they're they're stuck, you know, so they keep trying new tactics, whatever. It could be new scripts, new approaches, but they bring the exact same energy every single time. So why doesn't that new tactic ever fix it?

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Yeah. Um, so we talk about this a lot on the podcast. And by the way, um, remind me uh before we get to the end to talk about our um HIMAA in September. Um, but but one of the things that we have we find over and over and over again is um is there's two problems and two challenges that we'll generally deal with in in the situations that we face. And 99.9% of people, including coaches and leaders and people who've like succeeded through things in the past, think that their their situation is a technical problem, meaning they need to know what to say, what to do, the actions to take, the steps, the process, all that kind of stuff. And that that stuff is important. We actually teach part of that stuff, right? But if you're not actually like solving the right problem, nothing is going to change for you. It's like, you know, you you have um some type of leak in your car, right? But you start replacing all of the other parts to the car. You get new tires, you're working on like different things, is the power steering, and like you're not actually getting to the the thing that's leaking, the thing that actually is where um if you were to fix it, it would solve all of the problems. And so our brain does a good job of trying to convince us that we know what the problems are. But I always like whenever I'm experiencing a problem, I always remind myself, like, actually, if I already knew what the problem was, I would have already fixed it. Like I'm a high performer. That's what I do, is I fix problems. If I already knew it, I would have been able to jump in there and fix it. And so it's it's it has a great job, does a great job of like hiding it from me, which is why I need a coach, which is why I need somebody to talk to to be able to have this conversation and be able to spot it. Because if you trying to fix the wrong problem, it's never gonna solve your your solution. And and this is the most painful part is do you know how many people I've seen give up because they were fixing the wrong problem and they made that mean something about them? That is why the coat the world needs coaches. That is why we're still here talking and sharing about this stuff because you need people to show you what's actually going on under the surface, and they need that too. It doesn't, you don't ever get to a point where you just automatically see it all, no matter how many decades of coaching that you have, right? We've been coaches for 13 years and still we have this stuff coming up, and it's the reason why coaches are so desperately needed. And I know that everybody thinks everybody is a coach, but it's not the same thing, right? So when you understand both of these sides, like the the um technical and then we call it the adaptive part of it, that's when you actually get in and can solve the right problem. And listen, and maybe different tactic might work, right? It might work, but not if you change, don't change your energy. If you bring in, like let's say you have this tactic and you have great energy with it, right? And that tactic just wasn't like set out to be, right? Um, so I have this um, I mean, I have a lot of people that that I jump on um like free calls with to be able to show them like um what could potentially be holding them back, right? So I jumped on a call yesterday. And um um one of the the people uh that I was talking to changed her tactic because um it was recommended from another coach. And what happened is she was taking she was trying a previous tactic. It was working, it wasn't working to the level she wanted it to, but she had a lot of belief in what she was doing. When she tried this new tactic, it didn't work. It wasn't incongruent with her and her strengths and her superpower. Do you know what it did? Crushed her confidence. And so I'm having a conversation and they're like, I don't think I should keep doing this. Like, this is a and it's like one of those things where you're like, they were trying to solve the wrong problem for you. And when they solve the wrong problem, it actually hurt your confidence. And now you think that maybe I should just quit. And I'm like, oh, that is so painful because it's like, it's just one of those things where when you see it and I showed it to her, she was like, You're right. That is exactly what it is. I could see her change the energy that she had on the call, but I know not everybody jumps onto a call like that. Not everybody is like, hey, I feel like quitting, so I'm gonna talk to a coach, right? They don't do that. They're like, I'm just gonna like just take my foot off the gas, it's a waste of my time. And then it feels good because you're like, you know what? I'm I'm I'm giving my time back to my family kind of stuff, or or however it is that you convince yourself, but your brain is just trying to play it safe. And the only thing is that you were trying to solve the wrong problem. Right. And so that that that part pains me a lot, which is why we like to do these episodes to really bring this up. All right. So let me ask you this. Um, so how long or how does somebody even know which energy they're in?

How To Tell Your Energy

SPEAKER_01 16:22

All right. Because I I don't think that the get energy always feels like get energy from the inside. I think afterwards, if we were to review it and take a look at it, we could see it. But I think in the moment, sometimes it feels like I'm being responsible or I'm trying really hard or I'm just really driven, right? When in reality, that's actually get energy. So how do you how can you tell the difference?

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Yeah, I think it's as it's as simple as who are you thinking about? So are you thinking about yourself? Because if you're just thinking about yourself, then that get energy is gonna come out. If you're thinking about other people, if you're thinking about how you can serve them, how you can help them, then that's when you can kind of feel that shift in your energy. And the other person will also feel that shift.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Yep. Yeah. So it's it's basically like um uh uh like your uh I think you already said this a little bit earlier, but like it's your intentions, right? Is this are you making about you or are you making it about your client? Right. Um I really love that. I really love that.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

And you know, it goes back to you know what we always talk about is the perspective, right? The intention is the energy comes from the perspective that you have. So if you're going into something thinking, I uh like you said, I need to get this sale or I need this person to join my program, rather than okay, how can I serve this person? How can I help them as much as I possibly can so that they can start to move towards your full potential? I mean, that's that's a huge difference in in someone's, you know, intention and perspective, which will change everything.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

Yep, yep, 100%. Um, one thing I want to bring up before we continue on is the um uh the the thing that will um that could present itself that will have you getting into get energy, um, I I just want to call something out first. So I know we, you know, over the last couple of podcasts, we were talking about like like being able to lead yourself effectively, right? And when we talk about leading yourself, it's not during the easy times that it's easy that that you learn how to lead yourself. It's during the hard times. And in these spaces where we're like, when things happen, when there's challenges, when your bank account is short, when you're not finding clients, when whatever it is is that's happening, it is so much easier to get and to get energy. So much easier because you're like, it's a protection mechanism, right? And so in those times, especially those times, that's when you need to practice this. Not just when it's easy, when you're signing clients, when everything's going well, when you're getting the promotion, when everything's going well in your marriage. Like, it's when the times that those things aren't, that's when you really have to lean in. Um so I'm reading a book right now. It's called Surrender. Talks a lot about like surrendering up your part of the equation because there's parts of it that you're trying to take ownership of that you really can't take ownership of, right? And it's, it's, um, has a lot to do with like um surrendering um uh to God, right? But even if you're just if you're thinking about this non-spiritually, it's like surrendering the things that you don't have direct control over. All you have control over is the input, right? And it's it's amazing when you can remove that extra anxiety from your life because that just is what creates extra anxiety, is like the get energy. It creates so much massive anxiety. And you're like now depending on the other person to say yes to make you feel good versus like, I'm just gonna deserve and deliver as much as I possibly can. If it makes sense, I'm gonna invite them to join me or not. But like, I'm gonna like remove that part from the equation because that just brings me extra anxiety and it doesn't help out during this conversation. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 20:01

Yeah, yeah, it totally does.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Okay.

Staying In Service On Sales Calls

SPEAKER_00 20:03

So I want to be like clear or I want us to be clear about something. And this isn't something where we're saying, like, you should never pitch your program or you should never ask somebody to join you or to work with you. That's totally not what we're saying. But I want you to explain this. So, what if it's a sales call you're going into and you know you're going to pitch? How do you stay in that sort of energy?

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Oh, that's a great question. Great question. Um, but before we get to this, real quick, I I want to make sure that I really do point this out too. Um, because I know that a lot of people out there who are listening to this aren't currently coaches yet. Like they're people who are thinking about getting into coaching or they're leading or they're doing that kind of stuff. So, what we talked about today is an energy that you can bring into any conversation that you have. So you might notice that this is showing up uh at work. Maybe it's showing up with your kids. Maybe it's showing up in your marriage, maybe it's showing up with people you lead. It's the same thing that we're talking about today. We're not talking about different things. It's the same exact thing. It's just that, you know, we work with a lot of people who are coaches who are either learning how to or they're um they're wanting to catapult into the world and find clients and help them, right? So that's why we're we're talking about it related to this. But 100%, this is something that it it will bleed into every area of your life. Um, and it's not just related to business. Okay. So now getting back to your question. So um I I I want you to think about this. Um, so if we are, if we're in get energy, it's like, um, I need to get this person to, you know, sign up, right? That has that actually doesn't have anything to do with sharing how you could help the person if they feel like they're a natural good fit. So if you're you go into serve energy and you're having a conversation with them and you see how you could help them and you're helping them on the call and you're doing it with no strings attached, whether they sign up or not, like this is how you're gonna help them, and you get to the end and you think you can help them, but you don't, you're also back in get energy. But your get energy is now I don't want to feel uncomfortable. Comfortable about me, this is about me again. So I'm not gonna tell them that I have a program. I'm not gonna tell them I'm a coach. And that's the worst spot to be. That's a good thing. Is you have a solution to somebody's problem and you're too afraid to tell them about it. That is the biggest form of get energy because it's like, it's like, I can't possibly tell them this, but you literally just walked them through it and they're like, I really need this. What would my life look like if I had this on a consistent basis? Right. So if you really were serving, you would tell them. But it wouldn't be like a, um, yeah, so I have this thing. And it like that is back into get energy, right? You stay in service energy. You just say it however it comes out of your mouth. Like if you were talking to your best friend and you're like, I need to help you with this, right? This is what I can do. Let me know if this is something you you you would be interested in. But like, if not, that's totally fine. But I also feel like I'd be doing you a disservice if I didn't say this, because I literally have the thing that would help you, right? And so that's how you know is like, yes, you you can have a business in serve energy, right? The the I I and I think that this is like where I crossed the um um, I don't know how how do you say I crossed my wires early on, is I thought service energy means I could never talk about what it is that I could do next. I thought service energy was if I started to tell them about my program that I was out of service energy. And I I totally reframed that in my brain because I'm like, that is the worst like thing, right? Imagine you have something to solve somebody's problem and you're like, nope, not gonna tell you that because it's gonna make me feel uncomfortable, right? I know it sounds silly right now saying it out loud, but if you're on a call and it's the first call you've ever done, it might pop up, which is why we need to we we need to like share this with you because we wouldn't we don't want that to happen. We want you to stay in your serve energy because that's how best you can serve somebody.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

Yeah, that's such a great point because I never thought of it that way, like not pitching someone, you know, not saying anything because you're afraid of maybe rejection. You don't want the person to say no, so you back you back down, but that is you know, in the get energy space. And I didn't think about it that way, but that's a a really great point.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

By the way, that is the best thing you can always say to me. I never thought about it that way. That means I'm doing my job. Okay, so um, so uh I I can you land the episode this time? Like, like bring us home in terms of like um what do we want what do we want people to hear from this episode? All right, because this is not an episode made meant to like shame or guilt, because this is a part of the human experience, but I want people to leave with like um uh an idea in the back of their head.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

Yeah, so you might have been trying to fix something by changing what you do when the thing that actually needs to change is the energy you're doing it from. And like the beautiful part of it is serve energy isn't something you have to manufacture, it's who you already are underneath. You know, it's just you, boo.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

Yeah. Just be you, boo. 100%. Like it there's a reason why you listen to this podcast because you're heart-centered. You want to lead people effectively, you want to lead yourself effectively. It's already there, friends. It's already there. Just stop trying to be like everybody else out there, the marketers, what everybody else says or does. Just be you. And I promise you, you are going to make an impact because that's how it works. All right, guys. Um, before we land the plane here, um, my mentor used to always say that. Before we land the plane, and we everybody knew that

Key Takeaway And Program Invite

SPEAKER_01 25:20

he was gonna end, so everybody would would disconnect. So I hope not everybody's disconnected. Um, so we the I mean, we teach this process inside of our High Impact Mastery Academy. So whether you're somebody who wants to become a coach, you're somebody who is wanting to be able to lead people more effectively, you want to be able to lead your family, be able to help them through anything that they're going through. Like it's really important that you understand what's going on under the surface and you understand what their actual challenge and problem is. And inside of our High Impact Mastery Academy, not only do we teach you the skills to be able to do this for yourself and for others, but we also teach you our, we actually have have a space where you actually practice it and you get it done on you. So not only do you learn coaching, you actually get coaching in the program. And you get to practice it so much over seven months that you will leave feeling fully confident, knowing you can help anybody through anything because you can spot these um these challenges and which ones you're actually dealing with. If that's something you're interested in, um, we have a wait list, Oscar, to put it in the show notes. It's modernleadership.us forward slash certification. Uh, there's a part where you actually can go through and get certified, get a certificate, or you can just go through the skills part of the training. Um, but if you sign up for that wait list, we'll share all the details with you um uh as we get a little bit closer. And we will also offer you the opportunity to jump onto a call with us. So here's the thing um I jump onto calls not to quote unquote pitch people because I really want to serve them. I want to make sure that this is a good fit for that person. I've had several calls where you know, some of them, I'm like, here's here's the information. They're like, how do I join? And then some people are like, you know what, this isn't for me. And either way, I feel like I've done a very, very solid job of being able to figure that out, but by being able to verbalize and have that conversation. So if you're somebody who's really contemplating this, fill out that wait list. I will reach out, offer you a spot to jump on a call. You don't have to, it's not mandatory, but I do like to be able to get on, have a conversation, not only to like get to know you, but to see where you're at and see like what I would recommend. Because sometimes I do recommend it and sometimes I don't. Sound good? Yeah. All right, guys. Um, thank you guys for listening to another episode. I appreciate you guys so much. Um, and above all, like we always say, keep leading from the front, and we'll see you guys next week.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

Bye.