What Coaching Is Actually About | Truth #2

0:00 If you've ever felt called to be a life coach but you're not sure what it actually takes to do this well, or if you've already been coaching a few people but something still feels off like you're missing a deeper foundation, well then, this series is for you. We're Mark and Teresa. We've been coaching for over a decade. We train heart-centered coaches who are ready to stop guessing, grow their confidence and actually coach powerfully. Most people think coaching is just about helping or giving advice, but the truth is real. Coaching is something much deeper. It's not about knowing more. It's about learning to see more. So we created this 10-part series to tell the truths that no one tells you when you start coaching. And we're not talking about the surface level stuff, but the inner shifts that separate real coaches from people just going through the motions.

0:50 So if you're wondering, do I really have what it takes? How do I actually help people? Do I need more training or just more confidence? You're not alone and you're not behind. This series will give you a new lens on coaching. It'll show you what matters most and help you decide what's next. And if you're ready to grow, lead and coach at a deeper level, we'll show you how to take that next step. Are you ready to do that with us? Then let's get into it. So a lot of people say that they actually feel called to coach, but is that actually enough to succeed? No, it's not. The truth is that the calling is real and it matters, but being called alone is not a full plan. Many people feel, because they felt led to coach, that things should come natural to them, that people should just start knocking down their door wanting to get their help.

1:32 But that's not how it really works, which is why today's truth is feeling called is enough to start, but not enough to sustain or succeed. Coaching is a true profession and even though I really do believe you need to have passion and purpose behind it, there's still some extra steps that you need to take, and without learning how to actually lead an actual transformation, most called coaches will either feel stuck or start to burn out. That's why today's quote is your calling is the spark, but becoming a great coach is what turns it into fire. So why do so many people feel stuck in the called to but not moving phase? I really think there's two primary reasons here.

2:14 Number one is they think that it should just come to them naturally, like they don't need any formal training, and number two is they think they're coaching, but what they're doing is giving advice. Now, there's a lot of different ways that people talk about coaching, and there's nothing wrong with giving advice, but coaching is a little bit deeper. Yes, using your own personal past to be able to help your clients and to be able to help other people is powerful, but sometimes just giving them advice is not really what they need, and that's where coaches can step in and really help lead the way. Not just lead the way, but lead them into a powerful transformation that will change their lives forever. Now, as we get into these trainings, we're going to talk a little bit about how to get certified if it's something that you should even do, but we don't want to get ahead of ourselves.

2:57 Now, to make sure you don't miss any of these episodes which are going to be on YouTube and on our podcast, make sure you subscribe, especially for the next one, because truth number two is the most dangerous one of all when it comes to coaching and why helping people might actually keep a coach stuck. We'll see you soon. A lot of people think that coaching is about helping others, but what's the actual difference between helping and coaching? Yeah, this is a conversation that we have a lot, because a lot of coaches confuse the two, but it's also one of the biggest reasons why we find a lot of new coaches get stuck. Now I want to call this out first, and that is wanting to help others comes from a place of love, comes from a place of wanting to actually help somebody through something, transform and to become the best versions of themselves.

3:49 But what it actually looks like on the outside is it looks like we are trying to fix, trying to solve, trying to save and giving people advice. In these situations, coaches depend on themselves to be giving the answers, rather than finding the best answers, which are inside of your client. I like to think of coaching as more of like leadership and being able to lead someone. You're not trying to control or direct them, but you're actually holding some really powerful space. You're being present and really helping your client rise. One important thing as a leader and as a coach is to not buy into your client's limitations, but instead help lead them through them. One of the other factors is that sometimes, when we stay in helper mode, we actually start to burn ourselves out.

4:31 We start to take ownership of things that we should not be taking ownership of. These are things within our client's grasp and, yes, we want to be able to help them transform, but we can't do the work for them and sometimes, when we do that, we actually rob them of the growth that they could have experienced just by going through this process with us. That's why today's truth is coaching isn't about helping, it's about leading. Now, this one hits pretty hard, but I want to share it with you. It's today's quote. If you're trying to help your clients, you're probably getting in their way. So what do you think shifts when someone starts coaching like a leader instead of a fixer? One of the first breakthroughs that we see and this happens a lot in our certification is that when you stop being a fixer and you start stepping into the leadership role, you start to empower your clients.

5:17 By asking questions, you help them find some powerful answers that they are fully bought into. Think about the last time you were given advice, versus somebody asked you a powerful question that you got to bring out your powerful answers from within. It's like having that aha moment. Nobody has to sell you into that. You fully bought into it already because you said it and you believe it. That's what we see starting to happen, and when people believe it, they will go out and take actions on an entirely different level, and that's what helps them create the transformation and become the best versions of themselves. So today was truth number two. But if you missed truth number one, we talked about why feeling called to coach is powerful, but it's not enough to succeed.

5:59 Definitely check that out if you haven't yet. And in the next truth we're going to be talking about something that surprises a lot of coaches, especially those who feel like they're not ready to coach. And if that's you, we'll see you in truth number three you care still recording. Get a swig of water so many new and experienced coaches feel like they don't have enough to be great. What would you say to them? I'd say that belief holds more people back than anything else, and it's not true did I say that, that right?

6:42 Did I say have enough? Yes, okay, sorry. So many new and experienced coaches feel like they don't know enough to be great. What would you say to them? I would say that belief holds more people back than anything else, and it's not true. Most people think that being a real coach just means you have a lot of tools, a lot of structure, a lot of framework, a lot of frameworks, a whole ton of knowledge and a whole bunch of experience, and all of those things are powerful, but they're not going to help you when it comes to getting started. The real truth here, though, is that great coaches don't know more. They notice more. That's a powerful one, because real coaching is about You're wearing a flow, sorry, okay.

7:24 Because real coaching is about presence, not simply performance. I want you to think about a powerful breakthrough that you went through. Most of the powerful breakthroughs that I've helped somebody through happened when we slowed down and we both had an opportunity to see what was happening. It didn't have to do with any impressive question that I asked and it had everything, but it had everything for us giving, but it had everything to do with just giving us the time and space and presence so that we could see what was actually going on. That's why today's quote is the best coaches don't impress you with what they know. They change you by what they notice. So what are some of the things that coaches? So what are some things that others coaches?

8:08 So what are some things that great coaches notice that others miss? Sorry, what was that? That sounds right. Good, you want to say it again, yeah let me say it again what are some of the things that great coaches notice that others don't? There's a couple things, one of which is body language. When you see somebody lean in, when you see them lean out, when you see them excited, when you notice that they are looking down, these are all things that tell you what is actually going on in your client's mind, and if you're not present with them, you're going to miss it. Another thing that I've seen is words that certain coaches glance over. Like if I'm on a group call and I hear somebody say something very specific, I won't glance over it, I will call it out, but you have to be present in order to even hear those words.

8:55 And when you do, you know what's going on in here. And when you do and you ask that follow-up question, you'll be amazed at how much that actually helps the other person. Now, inside of our certification, we talk you through a process of how to be deeply present so that you're there to coach the whole body, not just what the person says. So you're there to coach the whole body, not just the brain, because the truth is, the world doesn't need more information, especially with all the AI out there. What they do need, what they do need, is more clarity and presence. I want you to think about the last time you felt really connected to someone and what that experience was like for you.

9:36 Were they fully present? Were they listening to everything you were saying? Were they watching your body language? It's powerful, what can unlock when somebody gives you that level of time, energy and presence, and I want to challenge you to go out there and do that today too. This is not just with coaching, but also with connection with your family, your spouse, your kids, people at work. You'll be amazed at how much you get when you're just fully present with them. What's that noise? I don't know. I was thinking the same thing. Is it the camera? It sounds like a fan, okay, okay. So today was truth number three. If you missed truth number two, definitely go back and check it out. We talked about why coaching isn't about helping or fixing, it's about leading.

10:20 And now that you know that presence matters more than knowledge, here's the next trap that a lot of coaches fall into, and that's truth number four. It's all about how trying to be the best coach actually could be making you worse. We'll see you in episode four. Do we have the AC on best coach actually could be making you worse. We'll see you in episode four. Is it? Do we? have the AC on. I feel like it's not. Yeah, okay, I'm going to bump it down to 75 real quick. We're only 25 minutes in. So many coaches, especially new ones, feel like they have to get it right to be effective. What do you think is the problem with that? And that's the. That belief is the fastest way to disconnect from your client your gift and your growth. Coaching isn't about delivering the perfect question, the perfect answer or the perfect feedback.

11:05 It's about being fully present with your client so that you can help them explore what is really going on. And perfectionism that actually kills your presence, because in that moment, because in that moment, you're actually stuck in your head and not focused on the human that is in front of you the real truth is, coaches get better by coaching, not by being flawless. So many times I've personally learned how to coach better by actually doing it wrong. I mean, many of the things that I help people with are things that I used to struggle with as well. And if you're constantly wanting to be perfect, you're never going to be doing the thing you need to do most, which is just coaching. And that's why today's truth is perfection can make you a worse coach.

11:48 Growth comes from showing up real, not perfect. So in this truth, let's remember that you don't need to be perfect, you need to be present. That's where the power really is. What does perfection look like in coaching? How does it sneak in Perfection? looks like what am I gonna? Perfection could look like what's the best question that I can ask right now? Or I wonder what they're gonna think if I ask them this. Instead of you focusing on your client and what they're saying, what their body language is trying to tell you, you're focused and stuck in your head thinking about all the ways that you need to show up perfectly. One of the things that our clients ask us all the time is how do I know what's the right, best question to ask? And I always tell them. Your client will tell you, but you have to be present with them and listen to them fully until they're finished.

12:33 Don't be thinking about what the next question is going to be, the next path that you're going to take them down, or the next skill you're going to use. Wait for them to be finished and be fully present with them and you will know when you get to the end. All else fails. You just get curious and ask an additional question to find out more information. So if you find yourself in your head thinking about all this whole entire process, so if you find yourself in your head spinning over and over and over while there's a client in front of you. You really need to take a step back and remember that it's not about you, it's about them. Now, here's the truth. Now, this is why our coaching certification actually creates a coaching lab where you actually do this live, because this is not one of those skills that's easy to know, because this isn't one of those skills that's, like, really easy to learn or that is going to just start happening automatically.

13:22 You need to be able to practice it and get some feedback back and forth to see when you accidentally go into this, because the way our brain is wired is going to unconsciously get us to do that. We just have to be able to recognize it, and to do that, it takes practice and feedback from others. So today was truth number four, and if you haven't seen truth number three, definitely go back and watch it. It's all about why noticing, not knowing, is the key to coaching, and today's truth ties right into that. But it also leads us into what we're unpacking next, because even when you drop the need to be perfect, there's another trap that can come up and get you stuck. There's another trap that can come up. There's another trap that can sneak in, and that's trying to prove yourself, trying to perform your way into confidence and trying to make the next session about how well you're doing and, in truth, number five, we're going to break that right open.

14:12 And, in truth, number five, we're going to break that right open. And, in truth, number five, we're going to break that right open. And why real coaching isn't about you. It's about this