Make Coaching About Clients, Not You
Send us a text What if the fear of asking the “wrong” question is the very thing keeping your clients stuck? We dig into why coaching improves the moment you stop performing and start listening, and how presence—not perfection—creates the conditions for real breakthrough. We lay out three practical principles that shift the spotlight back to your client: worry less about performance so you can hear more, focus on progress instead of perfection, and let go of being right to unlock real curios...
What if the fear of asking the “wrong” question is the very thing keeping your clients stuck? We dig into why coaching improves the moment you stop performing and start listening, and how presence—not perfection—creates the conditions for real breakthrough.
We lay out three practical principles that shift the spotlight back to your client: worry less about performance so you can hear more, focus on progress instead of perfection, and let go of being right to unlock real curiosity. You’ll learn how to spot subtle signs that you’ve made the session about you—like drafting clever follow-ups while your client is still talking—and how to redirect attention to the last few words that often carry the heart of the message. With relatable examples, we show how a single brave question, asked with consent and compassion, can open a door your client couldn’t find alone.
Along the way, we talk about frameworks that support presence without turning the session into a script, and we share simple habits that make presence repeatable: a quick pre-session reset, note-taking that stays minimal, and closing loops that respect the client’s pace. You’ll walk away ready to ask sharper, kinder questions, catch what matters at the end of a long answer, and help clients step through fear toward action.
If this conversation helped you coach with more courage and clarity, follow the show, share it with a coach who needs it, and leave a quick review telling us the bravest question you plan to ask this week.
Interested in an honest, behind-the-scenes look at the lessons we’ve learned by watching real coaches grow? Visit us at:
https://www.modernleadership.us/mastery
0:00 We hear coaches say all the time, what if I ask the wrong question? What do you think is the problem with that mindset? Well, it's focused all on them, not on their client. When we start off teaching a new coach how to coach, one of the things we have to make sure is that they don't think they have to be perfect. As a matter of fact, this isn't about you being perfect. It's about you being present for your client, hearing things that most people aren't willing to hear. Asking questions that really call out to you and helping your client experience the breakthrough. When we're too focused on what we're saying, what we're doing, and how we're showing up, we're not coaching. We're actually kind of performing. And it's actually something that we see a lot of new coaches do that practice and feedback really do help with.
0:43 Now I want to share three things that are really important when it comes to taking yourself out of the situation. Because the longer you stay in, the more that you actually influence the coaching session. And it becomes more of mentorship than it is of coaching. Number one, worrying about performance will take you out of being present. Remember, as a coach, our goal is to be present, to be there to listen. And if our brain is too focused on what this means about us, it's not going to be focused on the things that we need to hear, which is coming from our client. Number two, remember coaching is about the client's progress, not about our perfection. We're trying to get them from where they are to their next step. And that doesn't really have anything to do with us. And number three, is letting go of being right frees you from quote unquote asking the right or wrong questions, which opens you up to being curious and present in the moment.
1:33 That's why today's quote is this session isn't about you. It's about them. How can a coach tell when they're making the session about themselves? When they're stuck in their own thinking and they're not paying full attention to their client. You can only do one thing at a time. And if you're stuck in how you feel, what you should say next, or what direction you should take somebody, you're actually not being present. This is something that actually takes a lot of practice. We see it with a lot of our, especially newer students, as they jump in and get started because they think they need to have all the answers. Yes, a framework, a system to follow. All those things are important, but not as important as you being present. Definitely stay out of your mind and stay in the session.
2:15 What changes when they stop focusing on being perfect? Not only are they more present, but they capture things that they wouldn't have captured. I got to tell you, so many times in a coaching session, I'll ask a question and the person will give me this long response. And the last three words were the most important of all. But if I had been captured in thinking about, oh, the person just started the sentence with this, what is a follow-up question that I can make based off of that? I'm actually not present and I missed the last part. And that last part is what I needed to hear the most. Have you seen a session actually transform when a coach lets go of fear? So when you ask that question, something came up. And that is when I see people who've made the biggest transformations, it was on the other side of the fear.
2:59 And I don't just mean the client, but the coach as well. In a previous episode, we were talking about asking braver questions. And when you feel that fear and you do it anyway, I got to tell you how many times your client will be so glad that you asked that. Maybe not in that moment, because they'll have to explore maybe a situation that they don't want to really think about. But once they're able to process it and get past it, I can't tell you a number of responses that I've heard from clients because that person was willing to get uncomfortable, to face the fear, and to ask the question. And by doing that, it opened a door that the client would have never been able to find on their own. That's why this lesson is so important. Now, if you missed episode number six, go back and check that out.
3:41 Because we talked about asking braver questions so we can create braver clients. And today we talked about how to make the sessions about your clients, not about you. But you're going to want to listen to episode number eight because all of this is for naught if you're not able to, as a coach, show up consistently, not only for yourself, but for your clients. We'll share the key to consistency in episode number eight.
