Jan. 19, 2026

Not Everyone Grows With You — Here’s Why

Send us a text Change your identity and your world changes back. That sounds bold, but as we unpack how growth reshapes friendships, marriage, parenting, and career, the pattern becomes impossible to ignore. We trace the arc from a tight-knit LAPD circle—poker nights, sports, familiar routines—to the decision to pursue coaching, health, and leadership. The shift wasn’t about superiority; it was about alignment. When the goals diverged, the invites slowed, and the “no’s” increased. That distan...

Send us a text

Change your identity and your world changes back. That sounds bold, but as we unpack how growth reshapes friendships, marriage, parenting, and career, the pattern becomes impossible to ignore. We trace the arc from a tight-knit LAPD circle—poker nights, sports, familiar routines—to the decision to pursue coaching, health, and leadership. The shift wasn’t about superiority; it was about alignment. When the goals diverged, the invites slowed, and the “no’s” increased. That distance felt strange at first, then honest. And that honesty freed us to find rooms that matched our future.

We talk about the art of not making anyone the villain. Language matters: interests diverged rather than people abandoned us. That reframing keeps the door open for curiosity. Sometimes old friends circle back with questions when they see the steady results—better energy, stronger relationships, purpose-driven work. We also lean into the 50-50 principle: real growth includes friction and uncertainty. Expect it, work with it, and it becomes a compass rather than a roadblock.

At home, the story gets personal. Leading by example beat pressure and persuasion. A simple offer to train together sparked shared momentum, from early fitness wins to building a business side by side. The ripple reached our teenager, who chose discipline—reading in the morning, workouts, identity habits—without being told. That’s the power of proximity: identity change is contagious. We wrap with practical reflection prompts to surface your own turning points and highlight how new opportunities—mentors, sponsorships, coaching roles—often appear after you start showing up differently.

Subscribe, share this with someone on the edge of change, and drop a comment with one relationship that shifted because you did.

If you’re hungry for real transformation and want community to match your pace, we invite you to explore our short video on becoming a high-impact coach, covering both the inner game and the external systems that sustain performance. 

Interested becoming a High Impact Coach?

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  • Stand Out as a Certified Coach

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Chapters

00:00 - Growth Isn’t Private

00:20 - Identity Shift And Old Circles

01:10 - Outgrowing Environments

02:05 - Navigating Distance Without Drama

03:43 - Change Hurts Before It Helps

04:23 - The 50-50 Of Life

05:02 - Growing Together As A Family

06:35 - Leading By Example, Not Pressure

07:55 - Reflection Prompts For Fast Growth

09:03 - Identity Change Creates Opportunity

09:48 - Invitation To Become A High-Impact Coach

10:08 - Discomfort As A Compass

Transcript
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00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:01.840
So growth isn't private.

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When you grow, things around you shift.

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Your relationships, your energy, even the way people respond to you.

00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:11.119
But not everyone grows with you.

00:00:11.279 --> 00:00:12.560
So let me ask you a question.

00:00:12.720 --> 00:00:15.839
What's one relationship that changed because you changed?

00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:19.839
I think it's best if we talk about this, both the positives and the negatives.

00:00:20.079 --> 00:00:24.399
I'll take the negative side of this because uh a lot of my relationships changed.

00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:28.399
Uh being a police officer working for LAPD, um, I had a lot of relationships.

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We would go out play poker, we would go to fantasy football, we would go to play softball, all of these different things, right?

00:00:35.520 --> 00:00:41.039
And what I realized is that when I started to shift my identity, I started to grow into somebody different.

00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:42.799
I wanted to make more of an impact.

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I wanted to use my coaching, not only with like health, but relationships and wealth and all these kind of things, that I started to learn different things.

00:00:50.640 --> 00:00:52.640
And everybody else didn't.

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They weren't interested in learning about that.

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So I found that I stopped spending as much time with them.

00:00:57.600 --> 00:00:59.119
They stopped spending as much time with me.

00:00:59.280 --> 00:01:00.880
I stopped being invited to some things.

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And honestly, I started to say no to many of those things as well.

00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:10.079
That was a part of the process, is when I started growing, I didn't realize it that their interests were not the same as mine.

00:01:10.239 --> 00:01:11.760
They didn't necessarily want to grow a business.

00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:14.480
They didn't necessarily want to become a better father or a better husband.

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And that was my focus, right?

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And I also felt like at some points, we don't like to say that other people hold us back.

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In reality, we always have an opportunity to like to lean in, to learn the lessons, to make the adjustments and take control of what we can't control, right?

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But when you find that you're hanging around in that certain environment and you're hanging out with them more often, they can definitely steer influence you in a different direction.

00:01:35.599 --> 00:01:39.920
And so while thinking about this whole idea of growth, I wanted to make sure that I point this out.

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Sometimes we outgrow the people that are around us, and that's okay.

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Maybe sometimes they don't want to come along with us, right?

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But forcing yourself to stay in the environment can sometimes quote unquote hold you back because you're going to be influenced by the environment.

00:01:52.799 --> 00:01:57.519
So when I think about that, when I think about that level of growth, I didn't know that that was going to happen, right?

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I thought everybody's going to be hunky dory.

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They were all going to be like wanting to like take my leadership and my motivation and be able to run with it.

00:02:04.079 --> 00:02:05.439
And not many people did.

00:02:05.680 --> 00:02:18.960
However, I did start finding new friends, new relationships, new people, new rooms that I was stepping into, including a part of the dad edge, that now I get to lead the actual parts of the team, but I would have never done that if I had just stayed stuck where I had been.

00:02:19.199 --> 00:02:23.280
But how did that feel as far as like your close relationships, right?

00:02:23.439 --> 00:02:32.800
Because you had friendships and not that they've completely disappeared, um, but they did distance themselves from you, or you know, vice versa.

00:02:32.960 --> 00:02:34.719
But how did that feel initially?

00:02:35.039 --> 00:02:36.879
I like to think about this in a couple different ways.

00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:42.080
Um, first off, I don't think that they necessarily distance themselves from me, and I didn't distance myself from them.

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It's just our like desires, our goals, interests, interests and stuff, they just weren't the same anymore.

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And so it didn't make sense to actually go down that path, right?

00:02:51.439 --> 00:02:58.400
So what's funny is that we do sometimes get together with them and we always talk about different things than they're talking about, but it actually does get them interested.

00:02:58.479 --> 00:03:02.479
And it seems like, you know, they start asking us more questions when they see that level of stuff, right?

00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:04.560
I don't necessarily take it as a bad thing.

00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:07.759
I just take it as like our interests, you know, grew differently, right?

00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:10.960
And there were things that I wanted to focus on that they didn't want to focus on, right?

00:03:11.039 --> 00:03:11.120
Yeah.

00:03:11.199 --> 00:03:16.400
So I don't think my brain ever went down the path of like, this is wrong, how dare they, or anything like that.

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It was just more of like, this is just what life is like.

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Like people are gonna come, they're gonna go.

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Some people are gonna want to go with you, some people aren't gonna want to go.

00:03:23.360 --> 00:03:26.479
And this, like, but the only thing that I can control is how I show up, right?

00:03:26.719 --> 00:03:36.319
And I'm also not saying that everybody didn't didn't follow me, because there are some people who are still in our environment that are police officers who are wanting to become coaches and that because they know what it is that I did, right?

00:03:36.479 --> 00:03:38.000
So there's always those parts too.

00:03:38.240 --> 00:03:43.360
Yeah, and I think the part about you kind of like understanding that that's just part of the process.

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I think that comes with with awareness.

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But I think initially for people, it might hurt that you feel like um maybe even feel like people might be talking about you behind your back or something like that, right?

00:03:56.080 --> 00:03:58.719
Or there's like this this kind of conflict.

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Um, so but I think that it comes with time where you realize that that's just how how it goes.

00:04:05.599 --> 00:04:06.479
That's the way it is.

00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:09.599
And it's it's okay because I mean, change is inevitable.

00:04:09.759 --> 00:04:11.680
Life is just about change, right?

00:04:11.759 --> 00:04:16.639
So the moments where you had these relationships that it's always gonna be that way, right?

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They evolve and because you're evolving.

00:04:19.199 --> 00:04:19.920
Yep, 100%.

00:04:20.160 --> 00:04:22.879
Okay, so so I want to hear about the other side, right?

00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:28.800
And by the way, we talk about this because uh I was taught when it comes to um coaching that life is 50-50.

00:04:28.879 --> 00:04:34.639
You're gonna have 50% of your life that's gonna be positive experiences and 50% that are gonna be quote unquote negative experiences.

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Um, by the way, they're only positive or negative based off of the perspective that our brain takes.

00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:40.399
So I'm just gonna throw that out there, all right?

00:04:40.480 --> 00:04:43.680
But in reality, like we're going to have both positive and negative things.

00:04:43.839 --> 00:04:46.800
Trying to pretend like everything has to be positive is actually not helpful.

00:04:46.959 --> 00:04:48.800
It actually creates more negativity in your life.

00:04:48.879 --> 00:04:54.079
But also focusing on the 50% that's negative all the time is is gonna get you to see more negative as well, right?

00:04:54.160 --> 00:04:56.560
But let's talk about like the other side of this.

00:04:56.720 --> 00:05:02.319
So, can you share some examples of of the whole process of growing and actually bringing maybe some people along with you?

00:05:02.560 --> 00:05:07.199
Yeah, well, I have a lot of different examples because that's just part of how it is.

00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:12.639
There's there's a lot of benefits to really focusing on your internal work.

00:05:12.800 --> 00:05:21.199
Um, but for me, I think what I think about is just our family, the relationship that we have with our children and the relationship that we have.

00:05:21.360 --> 00:05:26.399
In in particular, like our relationship and how we've grown together.

00:05:26.720 --> 00:05:33.519
I think that has been really key because not only did you start to change your identity, I started to change.

00:05:33.680 --> 00:05:39.279
So that creates a different dynamic because at the beginning, it wasn't quite like that.

00:05:39.439 --> 00:05:43.040
It was where you felt like you were kind of dragging me, right?

00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:51.120
Because you weren't aware of kind of like that that coaching aspect of things where it was more of, you know, you were trying to lead the way.

00:05:51.199 --> 00:06:06.000
Um, but you started to to grow with that and you started to understand that you weren't gonna drag me, you were gonna show me how like you were changing was going to create a lot of positive benefits in our lives.

00:06:06.160 --> 00:06:10.399
So I started to come along because I wanted a part of that as well.

00:06:10.720 --> 00:06:23.120
So the the fact that we were both doing these changes together is a great benefit because now as parents, we could also, you know, use that raising our kids, right?

00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:26.879
So the relationship with our kids have been, you know, incredible.

00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:35.600
And even, you know, just thinking about like what's happening recently with you doing the 75 hard and how, you know, that's part of your identity.

00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:40.560
You do these kind of challenges, but now our oldest is doing that as well.

00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:44.319
And not because you told him to, it was because he got curious.

00:06:44.480 --> 00:06:50.319
And now he's doing kind of like this mini identity work as well, or he's reading personal development in the morning.

00:06:50.480 --> 00:06:53.680
He's getting up early doing a two workouts, right?

00:06:53.920 --> 00:06:55.600
And he's only 16.

00:06:55.839 --> 00:06:57.279
So that that's what I mean.

00:06:57.360 --> 00:07:03.600
Like those positive things happen because of that internal work that you do.

00:07:03.839 --> 00:07:08.639
So it, you know, it's not always about the things that you lose, it's about all of the stuff that you gain.

00:07:08.879 --> 00:07:09.199
Yeah.

00:07:09.360 --> 00:07:12.720
And and I want to make sure that you guys know that you have done this too.

00:07:12.879 --> 00:07:16.800
Like, no matter where you are right now, you've grown since you were younger, right?

00:07:16.959 --> 00:07:26.160
And I want to take you through a real quick reflection so that you can see how you've actually grown, but also like learn some of the lessons along the way of how you've actually helped some other people to grow too.

00:07:26.399 --> 00:07:28.560
Before I do though, um, Teresa was right on point.

00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:38.560
Like when I started to get really focused on my health and fitness journey, um, I was more trying to convince her to come to the gym, convince her to do a workout program, convince her.

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And it was like me more pushing than just asking her some questions and just giving her her space and saying, hey, I'm thinking about doing this workout.

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I don't know if you want to do it with me.

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If you do, that's awesome.

00:07:48.079 --> 00:07:49.279
If not, like no worries at all.

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And you're like, yeah, I'll do it with you.

00:07:50.879 --> 00:07:52.639
It was unfortunately P90X.

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And we were at both out of shape.

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And we ended up getting into incredible shape together, right?

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And and I know a lot of people right now see us working in business like it's tandem.

00:08:00.399 --> 00:08:02.319
I mean, both of us, we run this business, right?

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We don't have to work our nine to fives and whatnot.

00:08:04.319 --> 00:08:07.759
And a lot of people are like, I want that kind of like relationship with my wife, you know?

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Um, I want to be able to work that business.

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And maybe this is another video for us to do a little bit in the future, but it's what happens when you focus on the things you can control and you lean into that.

00:08:16.319 --> 00:08:18.560
So let me take you through this real quick reflection, right?

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I want you to think about a season in your life when you were growing fast.

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Okay.

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So think about a season, a time when you were growing fast.

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So who else changed around you because you did?

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And what opportunities showed up simply because you were starting to show up differently?

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I love that last question.

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Because a lot of times we think that we need the outside to change first.

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But as a high impact coach, that is not the case.

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Actually, the inside always changes.

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And when the inside changes, you will be amazed at just what the outside does.

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And sometimes it doesn't make any sense.

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And you're like, why is this person all of a sudden showing up like this?

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Why is this opportunity?

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Why did somebody just reach out for a sponsorship?

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Why did somebody ask me to coach their in their environment?

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Like, it's like all of these things start to happen.

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You're like, I don't know what happened.

00:09:04.720 --> 00:09:06.320
Uh, it's called identity change.

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When you change, people can see that and they can feel it.

00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:11.279
And it's really powerful when you do.

00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:14.559
But you also like plant the seed for so many others when you do that.

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So I'd love to hear some of your answers to the questions that I just asked below.

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Now, I just want to make sure you know that this level of growth doesn't happen alone.

00:09:23.200 --> 00:09:29.200
It happens when you surround yourself with other people who are also willing to grow in the same places that you are.

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Now, if you've watched this video or this series and you're really wanting to make sure that you grow into that high impact coach that not only focuses on identity, but real lasting change and transformation, I want to invite you to check out a real quick video that Teresa and I did where we share what it takes to become a high impact coach, both the internal and the external sides of human performance.

00:09:49.679 --> 00:09:54.159
Now, the true benefit in there is not just what you do, but is the person that you become.

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And when you can give that gift not only to yourself, but to those you care about the most, that's where the true game changer is.

00:10:00.879 --> 00:10:07.840
But I just want you to remember this the growth is very rarely comfortable, but that's also how you know it's working.

00:10:08.080 --> 00:10:12.320
So keep leaning in, keep getting uncomfortable, and keep leading from the front.