Oct. 20, 2025

Make Coaching About Clients, Not You

Send us a text What if the fear of asking the “wrong” question is the very thing keeping your clients stuck? We dig into why coaching improves the moment you stop performing and start listening, and how presence—not perfection—creates the conditions for real breakthrough. We lay out three practical principles that shift the spotlight back to your client: worry less about performance so you can hear more, focus on progress instead of perfection, and let go of being right to unlock real curios...

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Send us a text

What if the fear of asking the “wrong” question is the very thing keeping your clients stuck? We dig into why coaching improves the moment you stop performing and start listening, and how presence—not perfection—creates the conditions for real breakthrough.

We lay out three practical principles that shift the spotlight back to your client: worry less about performance so you can hear more, focus on progress instead of perfection, and let go of being right to unlock real curiosity. You’ll learn how to spot subtle signs that you’ve made the session about you—like drafting clever follow-ups while your client is still talking—and how to redirect attention to the last few words that often carry the heart of the message. With relatable examples, we show how a single brave question, asked with consent and compassion, can open a door your client couldn’t find alone.

Along the way, we talk about frameworks that support presence without turning the session into a script, and we share simple habits that make presence repeatable: a quick pre-session reset, note-taking that stays minimal, and closing loops that respect the client’s pace. You’ll walk away ready to ask sharper, kinder questions, catch what matters at the end of a long answer, and help clients step through fear toward action.

If this conversation helped you coach with more courage and clarity, follow the show, share it with a coach who needs it, and leave a quick review telling us the bravest question you plan to ask this week.

Interested in an honest, behind-the-scenes look at the lessons we’ve learned by watching real coaches grow? Visit us at:

https://www.modernleadership.us/mastery



Chapters

00:00 - The Wrong Question Fear

00:20 - Presence Beats Performance

00:43 - Three Principles For Client Focus

01:39 - Spotting Self-Focused Coaching

02:15 - Catching The Crucial Last Words

02:49 - Braver Questions Beyond Fear

03:36 - Recap And Next Episode Tease

Transcript
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00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:04.799
We hear coaches say all the time, what if I ask the wrong question?

00:00:05.040 --> 00:00:07.360
What do you think is the problem with that mindset?

00:00:07.599 --> 00:00:11.599
Well, it's focused all on them, not on their client.

00:00:11.759 --> 00:00:17.600
When we start off teaching a new coach how to coach, one of the things we have to make sure is that they don't think they have to be perfect.

00:00:17.839 --> 00:00:20.160
As a matter of fact, this isn't about you being perfect.

00:00:20.320 --> 00:00:25.280
It's about you being present for your client, hearing things that most people aren't willing to hear.

00:00:25.519 --> 00:00:30.559
Asking questions that really call out to you and helping your client experience the breakthrough.

00:00:30.719 --> 00:00:36.640
When we're too focused on what we're saying, what we're doing, and how we're showing up, we're not coaching.

00:00:36.799 --> 00:00:38.159
We're actually kind of performing.

00:00:38.320 --> 00:00:43.679
And it's actually something that we see a lot of new coaches do that practice and feedback really do help with.

00:00:43.840 --> 00:00:48.640
Now I want to share three things that are really important when it comes to taking yourself out of the situation.

00:00:48.799 --> 00:00:52.960
Because the longer you stay in, the more that you actually influence the coaching session.

00:00:53.039 --> 00:00:55.920
And it becomes more of mentorship than it is of coaching.

00:00:56.159 --> 00:01:01.200
Number one, worrying about performance will take you out of being present.

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Remember, as a coach, our goal is to be present, to be there to listen.

00:01:05.280 --> 00:01:12.000
And if our brain is too focused on what this means about us, it's not going to be focused on the things that we need to hear, which is coming from our client.

00:01:12.159 --> 00:01:17.519
Number two, remember coaching is about the client's progress, not about our perfection.

00:01:17.680 --> 00:01:20.640
We're trying to get them from where they are to their next step.

00:01:20.799 --> 00:01:22.879
And that doesn't really have anything to do with us.

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And number three, is letting go of being right frees you from quote unquote asking the right or wrong questions, which opens you up to being curious and present in the moment.

00:01:33.840 --> 00:01:37.439
That's why today's quote is this session isn't about you.

00:01:37.680 --> 00:01:38.879
It's about them.

00:01:39.200 --> 00:01:42.799
How can a coach tell when they're making the session about themselves?

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When they're stuck in their own thinking and they're not paying full attention to their client.

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You can only do one thing at a time.

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And if you're stuck in how you feel, what you should say next, or what direction you should take somebody, you're actually not being present.

00:01:56.959 --> 00:01:58.959
This is something that actually takes a lot of practice.

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We see it with a lot of our, especially newer students, as they jump in and get started because they think they need to have all the answers.

00:02:04.719 --> 00:02:07.280
Yes, a framework, a system to follow.

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All those things are important, but not as important as you being present.

00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:14.960
Definitely stay out of your mind and stay in the session.

00:02:15.199 --> 00:02:17.919
What changes when they stop focusing on being perfect?

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Not only are they more present, but they capture things that they wouldn't have captured.

00:02:21.919 --> 00:02:27.680
I got to tell you, so many times in a coaching session, I'll ask a question and the person will give me this long response.

00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:30.960
And the last three words were the most important of all.

00:02:31.199 --> 00:02:38.639
But if I had been captured in thinking about, oh, the person just started the sentence with this, what is a follow-up question that I can make based off of that?

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I'm actually not present and I missed the last part.

00:02:41.439 --> 00:02:44.000
And that last part is what I needed to hear the most.

00:02:44.240 --> 00:02:49.759
Have you seen a session actually transform when a coach lets go of fear?

00:02:50.000 --> 00:02:51.919
So when you ask that question, something came up.

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And that is when I see people who've made the biggest transformations, it was on the other side of the fear.

00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:02.800
And I don't just mean the client, but the coach as well.

00:03:03.039 --> 00:03:06.560
In a previous episode, we were talking about asking braver questions.

00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:14.159
And when you feel that fear and you do it anyway, I got to tell you how many times your client will be so glad that you asked that.

00:03:14.400 --> 00:03:19.599
Maybe not in that moment, because they'll have to explore maybe a situation that they don't want to really think about.

00:03:19.840 --> 00:03:31.280
But once they're able to process it and get past it, I can't tell you a number of responses that I've heard from clients because that person was willing to get uncomfortable, to face the fear, and to ask the question.

00:03:31.439 --> 00:03:36.159
And by doing that, it opened a door that the client would have never been able to find on their own.

00:03:36.400 --> 00:03:38.400
That's why this lesson is so important.

00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:41.439
Now, if you missed episode number six, go back and check that out.

00:03:41.599 --> 00:03:45.840
Because we talked about asking braver questions so we can create braver clients.

00:03:46.000 --> 00:03:50.400
And today we talked about how to make the sessions about your clients, not about you.

00:03:50.479 --> 00:04:00.879
But you're going to want to listen to episode number eight because all of this is for naught if you're not able to, as a coach, show up consistently, not only for yourself, but for your clients.

00:04:01.039 --> 00:04:04.639
We'll share the key to consistency in episode number eight.