Oct. 2, 2025

How to Stop Accidentally Making Problems Worse as a Coach

Send us a text Ever tried to help a client by saying, “I deal with that too,” only to watch the conversation sink? We unpack the sneaky coaching habit of “jumping in the pool,” why it quietly empowers the problem, and how a steadier stance—holding neutral space—sets clients free to lead themselves. Rather than co-signing limits, we show how to validate emotions without inflating the story, reflect patterns without judgment, and anchor sessions in what clients can actually control. We walk th...

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Send us a text

Ever tried to help a client by saying, “I deal with that too,” only to watch the conversation sink? We unpack the sneaky coaching habit of “jumping in the pool,” why it quietly empowers the problem, and how a steadier stance—holding neutral space—sets clients free to lead themselves. Rather than co-signing limits, we show how to validate emotions without inflating the story, reflect patterns without judgment, and anchor sessions in what clients can actually control.

We walk through a real example: transforming the heavy headline “I’m exhausted” into concrete choices and boundaries. By staying out of the pool, we map the cycle that keeps exhaustion in charge and redirect attention to small levers with big impact—micro-boundaries, recovery rituals, and decisions aligned to capacity. The payoff is tangible: clients leave lighter, with a plan that fits their day, and the confidence to take inspired action. You’ll hear how empowerment and planning work together, and why believing in your client more than their excuses unlocks momentum.

If you’re a new coach, this is a practical blueprint for stronger sessions: mirror the pattern, hold the frame, and return control where it belongs. If you’re experienced, you’ll refine your presence under pressure and remove subtle habits that add weight to client struggles. We also share why this skill is hard at first, how to practice it in supervision or certification, and the simple prompts that shift a session from sympathetic storytelling to real change.

If this helped sharpen your coaching, follow the show, share it with a coach friend, and leave a quick review telling us one phrase you’ll stop reinforcing this week.

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Chapters

00:00 - The Pitfall: Jumping in the Pool

00:18 - Why It Backfires on Clients

00:40 - Hold Neutral Space, Not Weight

00:56 - Why New Coaches Do This

01:30 - The Shift: Give Control Back

01:52 - Empowerment to Action and Planning

02:02 - Example: Reframing “I’m Exhausted”

02:55 - Practice the Skill and Next Steps

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:04.240
When coaches first start practicing with us, we see this all the time.

00:00:04.480 --> 00:00:09.839
A client shares a struggle, and the coach will say something like, Oh yeah, I deal with that too.

00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:11.199
What happens when they do that?

00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:13.359
So we call that jumping in the pool.

00:00:13.519 --> 00:00:18.719
And it's actually painful to watch now that I'm a coach and I see it, but I know where it's coming from.

00:00:18.960 --> 00:00:26.719
The only problem is that when we jump in the pool, we accidentally give the thing that our client is struggling with even more power over them.

00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:28.399
And that's not what we want to do.

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So when you jump in the pool, you empathize, you share maybe a story of how you felt that way, and you say things to make you feel more comfortable, it actually reinforces the struggle that they're currently going through.

00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:46.240
Instead, if you hold neutral space, you can help your clients rise above the problem.

00:00:46.479 --> 00:00:51.679
I like to think about it as believing in your client more than you believe in their excuses.

00:00:51.840 --> 00:00:56.320
And that's why today's quote is hold the space, don't add weight to it.

00:00:56.640 --> 00:00:58.799
Why do you think new coaches do this so often?

00:00:59.039 --> 00:01:02.719
Well, that's really an individual thing, but I can give you some ideas of what we've heard the most.

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One of the reasons is they don't want to minimize what their client is going through.

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They want to pretend like they didn't hear it.

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And so they call out to it.

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Sometimes it's because they really want to connect with their client.

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They want to be liked so they'll agree with them or say things to try and make both of them more comfortable.

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And the last one, and we see this happening a lot, is if you, as the coach, is going through the same thing your client is going through, you have to get good at coaching yourself so you don't bring your own stories, perspectives into that coaching session.

00:01:30.560 --> 00:01:33.680
So what shifts when a coach stops jumping in?

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They give their client back control.

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Here's the thing there's gonna be enough challenges and things that come up for your client.

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You don't want to make it heavier or worse on them.

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You just want to be able to focus on the things they can control.

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And so you give them back that control, and now they leave the session empowered.

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How does Holdy's face actually change the whole session?

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Once they have that feeling of empowerment, not only are they going to be ready to take action, but you can help them come up with a plan on what action to take.

00:01:59.200 --> 00:02:02.719
And when you have those two things married up, they can take inspired action.

00:02:02.879 --> 00:02:04.239
I want to share an example.

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So we had a conversation recently inside of our certification where somebody was focused on the perspective of, I'm exhausted.

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Now, when you think about the whole idea of being exhausted, it's very easy to jump in the pool, especially if you had a very exhaustive day.

00:02:16.800 --> 00:02:24.319
But the thing is, is if you minimize that or you give power to the things that happen outside of them, they're not going to be able to take control.

00:02:24.479 --> 00:02:30.159
They're not going to be able to change up what they're doing, create boundaries, or show up any differently.

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And so when you take them through the process and get them to see what focusing on I'm exhausted actually does for them, it actually creates more exhaustion in their life.

00:02:38.879 --> 00:02:48.560
And so when you stay out of the pool and you can show them the mirror of what's actually happening to them, it empowers them to go, okay, I'm going to make a decision to choose something different.

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And that's what happened in the session.

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This, of course, was a coach, but now the coach is now empowered to help their clients through the same thing.

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Now, in the certification, we take a lot of time to practice this exact skill.

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It's so hard to stay out of the pool sometimes.

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It's really about validating emotions without making the problem any bigger than it already is.

00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:10.080
Now, if you missed episode number one, go back and check it out.

00:03:10.240 --> 00:03:13.599
We talked about where confidence really comes from, especially when you get started.

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Today we talked a little bit about holding space and staying out of the pool.

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And when you marry this up with the next lesson, you're going to start creating some really deep breakthroughs for your clients to become the kind of coach that people feel compelled to work with.

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More on that in lesson number three.